In January of 2009 my son's friend Mitchell Cram died at the age of 23. Driving alone on the Ashton, Ontario back road he hit black ice rolled three times and was thrown out of the car. Today, I remembered him once again.
My friend Maureen's son Daniel could not get the the picture of Mitchell's wrecked car out of his mind.
He asked his mother if she thought it hurt to die.
Did his friend Mitchell suffer in the accident?
Like myself he hoped that Mitchell had not died in the cold and the snow alone and in pain.
When I heard about the accident I thought the same thing every other mother would think. It could have been one of my sons.
But it wasn't.
Instead it was Ed and Sandra's son and I would give anything to give them their son back. If I am still thinking about it, I can only imagine what goes through their mind.
They will never watch their son grow old.
Their life will never be the same.
If I could - I would give Cassandra her boyfriend back.
If I could - I would give Jonathan, Adrian and Nicholas their brother back.
But I can't and everyday I still mourn for their loss.
Time can heal all wounds or can it?
I have watched a lot of family members die. Their last moments seemed peaceful. It was those of us that were left behind to deal with the loss that were feeling the pain.
We are the ones that endure days, months and years of loss.
Do they miss us?
Do they see us?
Do they see how we suffer?
Does Mitchell see the tears of his parents?
It is strange the way the brain works. Death appears not to be painful, it is simply the injury that brings death that hurts.
I pray that death came quickly to Mitchell and he simply closed his eyes.
After he lost sight of the road.
None if us, except our mothers were in any pain when we were born.
They gave us life and now another is gone.
You take life for granted.
And then you have to say Goodbye.
Their love for him will always be there.
But they now have one less child.
They had to say goodbye.
Almost two years ago on a winter's day.
His soul remembers it all.
On the last day he ever saw them.
Last week Leslie Ramirez age 6 was shot in a senseless drive by shooting.
Random bullets almost took her life.
It made me think of Mitchell all over again.
I hurt because he died.
Leslie survived - Mitchell did not.
Her parents rejoiced - Mitchell's family will forever grieve.
Because it hurts everyone when you die.
In memory of Mitchell Cram - Carleton Place, Ontario
Linda Seccaspina 2010 Text and Images
Photos shot at The Closine on the Hill- The Mill of Kintail built in 1845.
Almonte, Ontario, Canada.
Summer of 2010
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Comments
Peace today, Linda...
Elijah.. so well said.
Scanner.. children should never be allowed to die
Catherine.. I think I know that more than anyone.
Lschmoopie.. That is my fave book.
Rugrat.. huggggggggggg
Lezlie
I try and remember to be grateful I had those loved ones at all when a wave of grief crashes over because they are now gone....not an easy task some days.
She was never the same.
Bonnie.. hearing that kid got shot just made me remember him.
Just thinking.. grateful that is the word.
XJS.. I agree
Kate .. this is one of my favourite spots in the world
It is incredible. There is a huge mill I did a blog about this summer , the river, the nature walks and da bears hahaha
One with ... Thanks.
You shared. Release.
None can bear it all.
Bear with one another? Bare? Beer? Wine?
Adam's wine is water. Pure bare beer? Whine?
Thanks for sharing this. Beer? Wine? O Beet it?
tease...
serious
Truer words have never been spoking, those left behind feel the greatest pain inside, a hole left in their heart never to be filled!!
**huge hug**
Highly rated.
r
Linda, this is a heartbreaking post. The blood has drained out of my face as my fingers do their dance of death on the keys.
We need to share,
For the one,
Who cannot bear it all,
For the one,
That continues to grieve daily,
For the one,
That thinks that their life is over,
We salute each one,
With nothing but love and a toast,
Of red wine.
Oryoki.. and we just never ever forget.
Cyril. . I am heartbroken for anyone that lose someone.
Marsha.. I remember when you told me.. Better words were never said. Live for today.
Heysuz.. I have no idea how you do it.
Having 2 children of my own, it's easy to put myself in Ed and Sandra's shoes.
While there is no logic that resolves nor consoles such situations, I steer toward the thought that the pain paralleled with such loss is caused by love. After all, if there was no love we'd feel no loss. I'm no expert, but I am hopeful in the thought that it is that very love that eventually steers us back to the very reasons we loved them rather than to the loss of them. I am hopeful that this allows them to live on in hearts, as our love for them becomes their very essence.
I have no regrets.
Zanelle. I cannot even imagine. I had a friend that went through the same thing. She chose not to have another one. I am overjoyed your daughter did.
I can feel the love from there.
David.. so very well said.. our loves keep their memory going.
To answer your specific question: My Near Death Experience
Hugs my sweet Linda
R
Tim.. This was hard to do.
Sally..You get on with it, but you never get over it.
So well said and off to read your piece
rated with love
The more love a person feels within themselves the greater the loss of any death. In that way, you are hurt by the loss of people you don't know where another may not care much about a stranger.
It's a double edged sword, you are equally able to experience great pain and great joy for millions. Every body suffers while living, death ends the physical pain and physical pleasure, another double edged sword.
The hurt. Eulogies can cheer me.
Red wine. Cheers. Communion.
Red Wine with Cheese Cakes.
No therapist needed. Sweet.
Poetess.. I did a small one when he died. BUT this girl getting shot made me think how easy it is to lose someone. I wanted to do something that would remember him forever.
Rita.. we are all here for a reason and I think you are here to help your dear friend. I cannot even imagine.
Bleue.. you are like me. we love hard.. and we hurt a lot.
we are one and the same.
And as for the pain anyone feels when they die is unknown but whateve pain is felt it doesn't last long. Just like childbirth. Then comes the joy that defies description.
Brian B.. of anyone I know you wold love this place.
Mimetalk.. I cannot even imagine losing one of my sons. I can offer nothing but love and hugs to you.
I would kneel and pray at the Closine...From your photos, it feels like a sacred place.
ditto to elija rising.
This was very moving ... beautifully illustrated.
Ten years ago my husband died suddenly at 40, leaving me with three kids and 8 1/2 mos. pregnant with our fourth - I had the baby three weeks later. I was raised Catholic and believed in an abstract sort of way. When Keith died everything was on the line including my faith. Fortunately, he and God came through in ways big and small. I wouldn't be here if they hadn't. I've gotten such amazing things from him over the years always when I least expected them and I can assure you, thanks to my amazing husband, it doesn't hurt to die and it's not scary either. The people we love are close by, closer than we think and they know everything we're going through.
George Anderson is another excellent medium and he has a wonderful website (georgeanderson.com) with a Q & A section where he answers all kinds of questions about death and the afterlife and several questions are from parents devastated by the deaths of their children. I was reading it last night because some horrible things have happened to children in the last few days where I live and I have to reassure myself every now and then. His books are also fantastic.
I don't know much about life except that it's often strange and hard but I do know that there is more than this and it's worth the trouble we go through here. Sorry to be so long-winded. I hope this helps.
Robin.. we all live with these questions and no one will ever give us the answer
Fernsy.. we will no know until the end will we?
Little Kate. I knew this young man for years. My sons played hockey with him. When I heard, it was such a shock and continues to be. I do not think anyone will forget him.
you and I seem to be on the same page. A lot of people would doubt on us both counts.
You are living proof that you can get through it.
You are one amazing woman summing it all up with,
"If you don't have faith you have bubkus"
Peace be with you today and forever.
Joan H... sad but so much reality some have to face.
time doesn't heal, but we learn to live with the pain and the hole in our lives and our hearts.
My youngest once was nearly lost to me, but to lose him forever.
There are no words as I say. Everything reminds you of them and I do not care what people say.
The loss is there forever.
Sending the biggest hugs I can find.
It is the what if's with me, and I will never know.
We will never know what was in the mind of your son's friend that day.
How someone can feel so lost is beyond anyone's imagination.
I understood how he felt. I have been there many times and never succeeded.
The end result is all the same.
Tears and questions.
My heart goes out to The Crams every darn day.
HUGGGGGGGGG
Sending a hug.
HUGGGGGGG
Sending love your way.
I am so sorry for your loss, your friends loss. To lose a child changes you and you will never return to that life, that freedom, again.
Lunchlady I know you have been through something like this and I am sending nothing but love
As far as pain of an accident victim, I believe shock lessens the horror, but I could be wrong. I can understand someone being devestated by death in a loved one if they do not believe inthe life beyond. I believe we are loved by God and I believe He makes our passing bearable as he comforts and befriends us.
Too often we ignore the facts of life, including the fact of death. We turn our minds away from this part of reality with a determination that borders on the psychotic. We fail to realize that in doing this we are not prepared for death when it comes. Worse yet, we have not prepared our children for something important that they will have to face many times in their long lifetimes.
Death, as you have shown here, is sad and mournful, but when faced and dealt with by retaining fond memories and a calm understanding it can be managed.
This is a lovely tribute to your friend, his family and all families who loose someone far too soon in life.
Well done....
^R^+++++
Hugggggggggggggg
My son was hit by a car on his bike this week, many miles away. Hit and run, with the car running over both his legs. Luckily, his bike saved his legs and he wasn't seriously injured (just a swollen knee, scraped, bruises and some pain) and a cop chased down the driver. So many things to be thankful for...
Caroline Marie. I think it is because you get used to one thing happening and then there is more coming down the tube.
How these mothers do it I have NO idea.
both when we are born (sorry...evidence supports it)
and when we die, at times...
so what? the moment passes,
and full eternal life is assumed,
and the pain is a minor lesson.
this is believe til i am proved false.
both when we are born (sorry...evidence supports it)
and when we die, at times...
so what? the moment passes,
and full eternal life is assumed,
and the pain is a minor lesson.
this is believe til i am proved false.
Too young to go.
Infinitesimally hard to let go of.
Peace to you my friend.
r
Hugg Cranky and Rosy Cheeks and Muse
Scarlett you are so right he was way too young to go.
JD. Peace be with you.
Just Cathy...any story like this is such a tragedy
See Deepak Chopra's Life After Death.