Linda Seccaspina

The Tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee

Linda Seccaspina

Linda Seccaspina
July 24
Formerly called The Maiden of Death by Derek Raymaker Xpress Magazine
When you wish upon a star
Linda's column can now be read in The Humm newspaper and online. Also pick up an issue of Screamin Mamas magazine from Florida for a peak at some of my writing.>> My idol is former mentor and OPRAH senior associate producer Elizabeth Coady. Taskmaster extraordinaire but learned so much from her, and if I could be 1/8 as talented as her I 'd be laughing.>>>>> My books "Menopausal Woman From the Corn" "Cowansville High Misremembered" "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities" and "Cancer Calls Collect" now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle >>>>>>>All covers also done by Diana Ani Stokely GRAFIX to go.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Cowansville High School Misremembered" book is now out as a fundraiser for the school._______________________ ___________________ Follow her on Twitter @@Mcpheeeeee. Linda Seccaspina was born in Cowansville Quebec about the same time the wheel was invented. _____________________________________ She used to own clothing stores in Ottawa and Toronto Ontario Canada from 1974-1996 called Flash Cadilac, Savannah Devilles, Nightmares and Flaming Groovies. _____________________________________ Her brain tries to writes stories about her menopausal life and a host of other things she gets annoyed at. _____________________________________ She has two sons, Schuyleur and one that does not want his name mentioned. She has a grandson called Romeo who is a Boston Terrier and a grandaughter Bella who is a french bulldog. _____________________________________ Linda loves people quite plain and simple and loves to hug.. Yes, she is one of "those".


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NOVEMBER 15, 2010 10:49AM

A completely insane interview with Cyril the Gnome

Rate: 45 Flag



Two weeks ago Cyril the Gnome was captured by Kim Gamble on Pirate Wimmins Night. He is presently sitting in the hold of the ship and Gamble has been using him for weather forecasting. I kid you not.

Cyril’s taco truck is still sitting in Golden Gate Park and has been invaded by elderly hippies. They have already changed the name of the truck to:

 “Would you like this truck on your party?”

One has to wonder what is growing in Golden Gate  Park these days.

 I have finally contacted him through E.S.P  for this Q and A.

Thanks to our two blog guests this week. Tink and Kateasley!


1.What is the difference between a lawn gnome and a regular gnome?

cyril: Does your lawn jockey ride?


  yeh   I heard actually that gnomes used to mug people for fun so some Norwegian God turned some of you into stone. Good thing as you are nothing but ankle biters.




 2. South Park had an episode where Tweet was being terrorized by "Underpant Gnomes". Is there such a thing?

cyril: The underwear fetish was fleeting.


yeh    I guess it gets real cold sitting on those toadstools huh? Was that why?  I hear your kind has poor business plans anyways. Most are unemployed and are always hanging with their Gnomies!



3. How much does the Travelocity Gnome from "The Amazing Race" get paid every year?

cyril: His stock portfolio is formidable.


yehWell this is what I heard how he got his money.

In Sept 8th of 2010

"The Gillette News-Record reports Gillette police recovered dozens of gnomes stolen from yards around northeast Wyoming in May. Two teenage girls are the alleged culprits.

Some people have claimed their gnomes. Those not picked up were considered lost and found property. The Travelocity Gnome hired these girls for nothing but profit making."







4. What other things do you put in the pot to make Gnome Stew?

cyril: 12 pirate wimmin + gamble's ship.


yeh       and a cup of Lucky Charms ?



5. What is the name of the most Evil Gnome in the universe?

cyril:    Cheney/Beck: it's a tossup.


tinkTink.. Good question!!!

The answer is of course Joe Gnome!! Evil!! Evil! Evil! :D



6. What does the Gnome Foundation really do?

cyril: it supports the unfounded.


yeh   I heard they make shirts that say,

“If life hands you lemons, throw them at the nearest Gnome”




7. Give me a sentence with the word Gnome in it.

cyril: gnome love lives last longer.

cat1288645635kat easley : To Gnome is to love 'em.






8. What do Gnomes most fear about Christmas?

cyril: enslavement by elves


yeh  Maybe you should call Gnomeland Security about it!



9. What would you like everyone to know about Gnomes?

we make nice house guests.


yeh        Is that true you can explode by humping someone's leg?





10-I have heard gnomes are crazy in love with weiner dogs? Is this true or who do they fall in love with?

Cyril: pt 1: no. weiner dogs pee on gnomes.

             pt 2:  gnomes prefer routinely hatted women.


yeh     Gnomes only weigh 11 ounces.  That must be one heck of a flood for you in Gnome Man's Land. I don't know if I would care to date someone who routinely has a bad hair day. Is she using products?





11-Now that Pirate Wimmins night is over and you are still sitting in the hold of Kim Gamble's ship what would you like people to know

Cyril: there's mold in the bulkhead. ='D


yeh        With all that pipe smoking you Gnomes do one would think you might have burned it down already. I heard the real reason he is mad at you is because you stole his alcohol.

 "You know, squirrels like Gamble can be deadly when cornered."

Be careful in there as Gamble's boat has gnobrakes,

and remember ......

                              "Say Gnome to Drugs "



Linda Seccaspina 2010



This is the fifth in a series of Q and A's

Next week is a discussion between Kateasley about women's stuff. Yeah.. women's stuff.

4. Sex with Linda & Oryoki Bowl

3. Dining and Dashing with Tinkertink69

2. Writing on Bathroom Walls with Smurfs and Kate Easley

1. Brian B and Catherine Forsythe


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Type your comment below:
Great interview. Lots of information too. And laughs!! thank you thank you
Zanelle.. everyone should look at that video.. it is a scream and tells the truth.
Found out why I was sick. I came down with a huge cold.
blah blah blah hahaha
Oh! It's up! I guess I just missed the exact posting time. Funny stuff here.
Best Wishes,
Fun interview, Gnomes are not as talkative as I imagined.
Great questions. I love the video.
rated with love
"on", not "for' your party.
semi-illiterate, gnome-hating hippie types!
gnomeland security was lax.
What part of Alaska do you hail from Cyril?
@oryoki: gamble's convinced i am norwegian.
Very funny. Loved the video! R
I am so glad you did not get me to read this last night. What cold drugs did you take ??:)
Joe nome? Don't you mean, Genome? The Inhuman Genome project started by two teenage girls in Northeast Wyoming.

R for inanity (is that a word?)
Thank Blittie.. great blog about Sarah today

Poetess.. Gamble drugged him, he is not coherent. Much like myself.

Cyril.. well come home and leave a trail of drugs like Hansel and Gretel to get those hippies out of your truck

Oryoki.. Don't you want to pet him or smash his hat>?
Sheila.. THAT VIDEO killed me yesterday.
Rugrat.. you were spared
Cleotheo.. many cold drugs helped with this interview thank you very much.. :)
I have strong affection for gnomes. I wear one on my lapel for the winter holidays. They are useful for getting into speakeasy's and the better hideouts. @Cyril- twas but a joke, though seafaring gnomes are known to have a ladyhat in every port.
Plenty of Gnomers in my neck of the woods...

Funny thing..they have always creeped me out, it is probably the African in me, cute interview though! Hugs *as I side glance the gnomes all over*!!lol.
can somebody untie me please?
boycott google's gnome slave trade!
Oh, SURE, Cyril! Where's the video about us chicks with skinny, bony asses??? That is SO not fair!

Fine! Then here's a video back'atcha, shrimp!

P.S. Cyril: Under no condition should you let Kim wear your hat! He's an Aussie and you KNOW what he'll end up trying to do with it!!!
Larry.. Gnomers in your neck of the woods?? Must think about this for a second..Oh yeah.. I got it.. crap the gnome is rubbing off on me.

Cindy, I don;t trust them either so that is why Gamble kept him tied up..
Jonathan.. are you happy to see us or is that a gnome in your pocket?:)
@amy: enchanted hats don't come off easily. {=')}
I dunno -- seems like that bus is awfully heavy to have it ON my party. People might get hurt! "hanging with their Gnomies!" Hah!

Safe_bet.. are you saying Kim might lose the hat up his 'roo"????

Lezlie.. help.. help... as Susan Powter said..
HELP ME STOP THE INSANITY.. Of course you see where it got her.. hahaha
@lezlie: turncoat truck driver! gnome tacos rule.
Hey, does he know my father? He was stationed in Gnome, Alaska during the war.
@bonnie: be sure they'll be looking back. =')}
now we get the real dirt on the gnomie gnome ;)
I like your taste in women, Cyril. but you gnome that already.
I should have gnome!
@cranky: teabagger country. we emigrated to australia.
*blushing scarlet*
:sigh: julie!
Hmm...that gnome looks an awful lot the one who works for Travelocity...or is it Expedia?
"Gnomeland Security" - perhaps you should obtain the trademark to that.
@ Linda, I resemble that hat hair remark, my hair is always ready to go under my hat!
I like your trolls so much better than their wicked cousins who make rude comments online.
luminous: misgnomers abound. gnomes don't troll.
I have a gnome that lives in my garden all year round. I think I will name him Cyril now.
Bonnie.. do we need to know this much about them?

Cranky.. bada bing ! :)
Julie - YOU have NO idea..:)
Rita... Gnome humour.. who knew??
@scarlet: as i recall, his name's winthrop.
@scarlett: here's the "t" i left out.
Okay cyril, winthrop it is. I see you are very particular about names. ;)
This is bar none the best interview with a gnome I've ever read. Loved it. To gnome is to love them indeed.
My Dearest Linda- Thank you for helping us all to understand our gnome friends. Often misunderstood and miscatagorized within the medias, you help dispel the myths and stereotypes with your fine journalistic abilities. My heart goes out to the captured kindly midget, and do pray for the safety of all his kind this Christmas. Regards, Yserba
@scarlett: winthrop was his name already. never "winnie."
I am a routinely hatted woman... I agree w/Cyril, to gno-me is to love me.
This interview made me hungry for a Big Mack truck.
Linda, did you blow your gnose?
BTW-Do gnomes see g spots before their eyes?

gI glive gin gWisconsin gand gwe ghave gsome grelatives gof gthe gnomes ghere.
gYou gcan gsee gthem gfor gyourself gin gthe gsite gbelow.

gnomes and trolls are mutually exclusive.
we don't intermingle or interrelate.
Know the weird part? This *almost* makes sense to me. I think I'll re-read tonight after a couple of belts of CC and let my existentialist me out of the cage for awhile.
Kate... a 5 iron might be nice
Nikki.. yes to the Travelocity.. the lion is my keepsake from the Wonderfalls series..

Catherine.. I will let you do that for me..:)
Rita!! Products.. products...:)
Muse there are so many trolls online it makes the game Warcraft look like snakes and ladders

Scarlett.. yeahhhhhhhhhhh scarlet.. a little cyril winthrop for the garden

Fernsy.. cmon over and hang with your gnomies..:)
Yserba.. young Kim gamble shall be along soon to shut the gnome up.

Gabby.. again. I repeat products.. products.. what the heck am I saying?? I do NOT use products.. hahaha

Leon... a big mack truck of what? Did the Dingo eat your baby??:)
XJS.. I blew my gnose all the way to the post office and back.

Veronica.. wait until you see tomorrow's blog hahaha/... ahh the horrors..
Boanerges.. another Canadian emailed me that they could not understand this.. Too much Tim Horton's perhaps??
Linda, where can I buy Cyril? He doesn't seem to be available in US garden stores. I want Cyril to visit my balcony.
Michael.. I found him at a thrift shop..ebay my friend.. ebay hahah
Love the puns! Beauty does not depend on size .
geezerchick.. is that video not terrific..
I loved it
This more than I really wanted to gnome about a fellow blogger. R
Trudge.. to gnome you is to wuv you.
gamble's still recovering from you wimmins.
i doubt he can remember what happened.
Gamble I heard is herding Dingos..
Brian.. yes southpark.. one of my favourite episodes..:)
herding? is that what he told you?
he's on his poop, soused.
drowning his sorrows since rita's gone.
I knw Cyrill he loves rita and her wonderful hat
lifetime taco supply if you free me!
sorry,linda. forgot. ='(
What a hoot! Loved the comments - although gno-mention of Cecil's British family tree. They seemed to pop up regularly outside pubs in various stages of undress and...let's say...readiness. And yes, they were there BEFORE I entered!
Woops, just sobered up after the pub visit and do hope Cyril will forgive me for the name screw-up! It was the lager talking...
thought you meant cousin cecil from utah.
marsha.. you drink lager??:)
#4: Back off, Gnome. We would give you such colic that you would blow up.

#8: Note to self...order 20,000 elves for Christmas. Find Gnomes address.
oh boy cyril..,
thou have pissed off Xenon the great one.:)
gamble turned traitor, locked me below.
offered friendship to both.
os ate the first comment.
treacherous xenon forced cyril overboard.
that was my first comment re wimmins.
Thanks Tink and Cyril you need some anger management classes hahah
xenonlit xl wrote: #8: Note to self...order 20,000 elves for Christmas. Find Gnomes address.

I'll gladly give you his address if you made a donation to the Prop 8 1/2 Campaign! You money will be exclusively used to pay our rent... I mean to stop Gnomo marriage!

BTW, your donations are really needed because the Moronmons only came across with a couple of mill...
safe_bet.. I already gave.. The mormons disguised as Village People were already here. Cyril left with them.They were going to the Y M C A
I'll free you Cyril !


Shit, who knew ? Gnomes float.

Crazy Linda. AAARRRGGHHH !
Mr Gamble.. ahh sir..
Free him when he drank your spirits???
gnomes supply half the world's rum.
'bout time you with it, gamble!
forgot the "got". too much *belching* grog.
*takes command of SS Gnomenia*
*heads for New south Wales, booty aboard*
*gnome crew members cheer, man gun'ls*
*entire ship + crew disappears beyond horizon*
*entire ship + crew disappears beyond horizon*

That's not the horizon, that just a wave you freak'in pipsqueak!
safe_bet.. of anyone you can knock some sense into that gnome.
Very funny, Linda. I loved the video! Thanks for the laugh.
You forgot to ask him why his hat is so tall. Inquiring minds...
Late to the Q and gets in the way of OS. I have a question. Is Gnibbling on Gnomes considered consumption of meat? A curious vegetarian wants to know.
Thanks Lisa.. hugggggggg
Fay.. that video was something else
Bellwether... I do have his email addy :)
Are gnomes gay, or is there some other reason we never see any miss gnomers? Gnome sane?
how in the world did i miss this? well, and thanks to zuma, now i haven't. okay, here goes, into the ether (because i'm so late, no one will ever read this):

i'm officially in love with cyril except when i'm with larry. there you have it. toast, that's me.