Linda Seccaspina

The Tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee

Linda Seccaspina

Linda Seccaspina
July 24
Formerly called The Maiden of Death by Derek Raymaker Xpress Magazine
When you wish upon a star
Linda's column can now be read in The Humm newspaper and online. Also pick up an issue of Screamin Mamas magazine from Florida for a peak at some of my writing.>> My idol is former mentor and OPRAH senior associate producer Elizabeth Coady. Taskmaster extraordinaire but learned so much from her, and if I could be 1/8 as talented as her I 'd be laughing.>>>>> My books "Menopausal Woman From the Corn" "Cowansville High Misremembered" "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities" and "Cancer Calls Collect" now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle >>>>>>>All covers also done by Diana Ani Stokely GRAFIX to go.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Cowansville High School Misremembered" book is now out as a fundraiser for the school._______________________ ___________________ Follow her on Twitter @@Mcpheeeeee. Linda Seccaspina was born in Cowansville Quebec about the same time the wheel was invented. _____________________________________ She used to own clothing stores in Ottawa and Toronto Ontario Canada from 1974-1996 called Flash Cadilac, Savannah Devilles, Nightmares and Flaming Groovies. _____________________________________ Her brain tries to writes stories about her menopausal life and a host of other things she gets annoyed at. _____________________________________ She has two sons, Schuyleur and one that does not want his name mentioned. She has a grandson called Romeo who is a Boston Terrier and a grandaughter Bella who is a french bulldog. _____________________________________ Linda loves people quite plain and simple and loves to hug.. Yes, she is one of "those".


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MARCH 30, 2011 10:46AM

Logical Thinking on: Portman, Radiohead & Outdoor Porn

Rate: 42 Flag


The hot news this week was that Natalie Portman did not perform a lot of the dance moves in the film "Black Swan". A catfight has ensued with accusations that some of the dancing done by Portman was actually performed by a dancing double, American Ballet Theatre soloist Sarah Lane. Unlike Flashdance where my life as I knew it was pretty darn crushed when I found out that Jennifer Beals did not do most of her dancing, I was pretty “ho hum” about this.



I took ballet for many years and I knew one year of doing arabesques and plies was not going to cut the cheese in this movie. It is hard and demanding work to be a prima ballerina and I was shocked it took until the backhanded compliments came out for people to realize who did a lot of the performing.

grunt   What the hell are people thinking?

                            Logical thoughts please!


The Black Swan DVD is coming out this week. One order of controversy to go please!




Yesterday I saw a huge gathering of Hipster Doofuses lined up on 16th street in San Francisco. I wondered what cool item was being offered to the" iPad wonder kids "as I walked by them. I hesitated to ask just anyone less I get the fickle finger of "wtf’s" pointed at me.

Finally I see a "30 something" woman glancing at her iPhone and I asked her politely why she was lined up. She looked at me in surprise and acted like she had no clue. She then spoke to the person ahead of her and asked,

“You know what? I have no idea why I am here or if I am in the right line. Is this the line giving out the free Radiohead stuff?"

The man nodded and I had my answer.

I had no idea what Radiohead was handing out so when I came home I asked Google to give me some sort of indication what the pilgrimage was about.

This is what I read:


"Local fans of English rock band Radiohead—and in San Francisco, we know there are plenty of them—were able to pick up a unique memento from the group Tuesday — a specialized newspaper.

As part of a global campaign to promote the group’s eighth full-length album, "The King of Limbs," Radiohead has printed a periodical titled The Universal Sigh, a newspaper containing lyrics, poetry and artwork related to the seminal band."


grunt    What the hell are people thinking?

                            Logical thoughts please!

You are in a line and you have NO idea what you are there for?

You are also standing in line for a Radiohead newspaper? Give me a break!  Okay start the hate mail now.   




It has been four years since the San Francisco Armory was taken over by a porn company called They are an online pornographer that makes X-rated bondage videos inside the building. They bought the 200,000 – square- foot building and renovated the once lost landmark; fixing broken windows, redoing the interior and removing graffiti from the historic armory walls.




If you walk by the building you would never know what really is going on inside. The skateboarders still skate on the long terrazzo steps near the front door and there is no sign outside. I asked a homeless man who tried to sell me a broken study lamp if he had seen anything out of the ordinary going on. He shook his head and said the building was always silent and there were absolutely no outdoor shenanigans nor sounds of loud orgasms coming out of the window.


grunt   What the hell are people thinking?

                            Logical thoughts please!


  good one


Did people honestly think that the people of were going to be flaunting their bare buttocks on 16th street? What were people thinking? I can understand the citizens of San Francisco not interested in that sort of behavior in their homes, but as Peter Acworth, the owner said to the SF Chronicle a few years ago.

Our old building was too cold for performers during shooting. The company will be investing in more portable heaters in this new building, he said, because it's important for his hog-tied actors to be comfortable.”


grunt  What the hell are people thinking?

                           Logical thoughts please!




Text and Images by Linda Seccaspina 2011

The image of the homeless man was printed only under the understanding that "I would NOT frame him!"


Quotes by the "SF Chronicle"

   Shorts Shorts by Linda Seccaspina-" The Record Estate Sale"

                    Ode to the Mean Girls Of OS by Ken Honeywell

  (sorry for the mixup with the title when I read it.. a senior moment:)


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A Radiohead newspaper at this point is preferable to a Radiohead album.

The King of Limbs is unintelligible, unmelodic jibberish.

It is a sad thing to witness the demise of a once-great band.

Akin to watching a 40 yr. old Willie Mays stumbling around in centerfield for the Mets.
Thank god someone sees the light.. Thank you lance
now i know why i didn't want to see that film :) r.
Logical thoughts?? What are you THINKING, Linda? ☺☺♥♥
Haha..that was one of my son in the Army's bands. Cant't say I m familiar. How fun to rumage throuh old cd's. I have that Santa Maria Tango song from one of your posts on my exersice Ipod touch. Hugs girlie! Love the read!
Has San Francisco become displeasing? Hope not, Linda.
"You are in a line and you have NO idea what you are there for?"

You'd be surprise how often that happened when I was working at the casino. There'd be a line, and folks would stand in it, they didn't know what was going on, but there was a line....

We could have been killing people and they'd stand in the line hoping for free stuff. ~Shaking head~
I would really like a tour of the Armory. Old buildings have always fascinated me!:-)
Satori: Well ya know I like that Sesame Street song.. One of these things is not like the other haha

Jonathan: I liked it.. some people did not.

Cindy: I play tango music all the time.. I LOVE it..
Leon: OHHHHHHHHHHH no.. Linda is going to take one of those tours and try and blog about it in a few weeks hahaha
tink.. so did ya kill em??:)

Scanner : I am going on a tour there in a few weeks.. I doubt there will be much military exhibits..:)
That is going to be one heck of a tour!
i need to experience San Francisco.
Lining up for a free newspaper? that beats all:)
interesting juxtaposition of the "tours" sign with the porn factory... that's what I'm thinking ;)
Chuck.. for anyone that is teensy bit odd this is the places.
Rugrat: yes it is..
Brian: LOL well I am going.. in a few weeks. I will report back :)
Oh, I'm lovin' the surly birdie!
Ooops, I hit the button before I was finished. On the Portman controversy. Who cares about the actual percentage of time it was Natalie's body doing the movements. Clearly Ms. Portman worked hard for a long time to get herself into dancer mode. I too was upset about Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, but I do not think the two instances are really comparable. Beals was just a hottie in a torn sweatshirt. Portman transformed her body in a major way and learned to well as she could in a brief period.
Interesting what you find out there...
I'm continually surprised at the strange stuff people do without thinking!
And then the strange stuff they do AND they've been thinking!!??
Oh I agree Bluestocking.. She worked hard and this is why I think some of the controversy has come out because of the DVD issue. BUT her baby's daddy has not been too pleasant in his words to the other dancers in the film.
Just thinking.. Like standing in a line and wondering why? LOL
At least I asked why they were all lined up hahah
I am so out of the loop
I did not even know
what radiohead was
No surprise
that one year of ballet
at an elderly, for ballet age
did not produce
such beautiful moves
in that very dark movie
love, love, love your poetry readings
rated with love
Poetess.. Ken Honeywell's poem was a blast.. It popped out at me like it was meant to be.
I thought it quite timely and very funny.

Matt: Not had your coffee yet??:)
What are people thinking? Logical thoughts? Not possible. But I do have something totally inappropriate (to this blog), but had me laughing out loud. A tweet posted by the missing Bronx Zoo cobra - apparently, s/he has his own twitter acct. It was addressed to Charlie Sheen - saying something to the effect that 'Charlie really has a long way to go to match his 21 inches. Just saying.....'
The fun stuff in life isn't logical at all.
I want a Radiohead newspaper. Cool. Anyway, fun post. Perfect for this rainy day. Did you hear, we have record rain fall just up I5? Truly, funny posts and chocolate are keeping me goingg until spring, whenever that is.
Sounds like you won the bet!
marsha: I can always count on you in life and online to make me smile

Rei: had I known I would have gotten you one. I am sorry I am sure that is our rain.. But the sun is shining today so I will send some your way.
LOL yeserba.. we are going hahaha
Once again we should pull out the old video of Sonny and Cher performing "And the Beat Goes On". La dee da di dee, la dee da di dah.
Miss Linda you are too funny! I would not wait in line for any newspaper let alone a radiohead one- maybe they are from a younger generation that hasn't seen newspaper- only online periodicals- that's the only way I could see someone getting excited about such a thing! Unless maybe the band was autographing them too...

"The company will be investing in more portable heaters in this new building, he said, because it's important for his hog-tied actors to be comfortable.” Thanks for sharing this bit of irony. Hilarious!

As for Black Swan, I think because they may have lied about her performance people are a bit offended. Not sure if this would've effected her winning the Oscar, she still did a really goo job acting, but as a rule people don't appreciate being mislead, especially when they are supportive of the work/cause to begin with. I have to agree with you as I really could care less about it as well...
Walter: You bet the beat goes on.. and you had better keep marching around here..:)

Hayley: Nothing like hanging over the drill parade room to get it going on..:) I did not care either.. She is an actress.. they act!!
I've been in several "LINE UPS" and didn't know what I was doing there! But thank gawd it did not make the papers, and no one made an Armory Porn video out of it.
Out in a limb.. I really think we need a blog on that from you hahaha
On a recent visit to your fair city, Linda, I blurted out in the car. "Oh, there's the Armory Building", only to be asked. "What is it?" by SWMBO*. "Oh it's just this old building I read about" I said. Fortunately my daughter and son-in-law didn't enlighten her. They haven't lived there long so I'm telling myself they just didn't know what goes on there. Either that or I am in for some serious blackmail next time they need help with something!

*She Who Must Be Obeyed - "Rumpole of the Bailey" name for his wife.
I don't mind body doubles for ballet, but body doubles for nude scenes bugs me. I mean, this is the 21st century Hollywood. If I'm seeing a breast I wanna know whose it is.
GeeBee: Just them them it is a drill hall. Not lying there hahahaha

John: Are we talking about Julia Roberts??:)
Ditto on Jon's comment. Something about that make up too, kind of creeped me out......
all this is too good to be true and it is here for us!

(I also remember the big to-do about Audrey Hepburn not singing in, shit, can't think of it!
Sheila.. ya wnat to know whose breast it is??:)
Sorry, Linda, but there is nothing logical about the City By the Bay! That's why I love it so much.

I wondered about Black Swan. It takes many years of discipline to look professional. I am glad this is coming out. It makes Natalie look bad though. She looks like someone caught lip syncing!!!!!
Linda, too funny! Logical thoughts please! People will stand in line for just about anything...what is it with people and lines? I said to a friend recently, although I said it humorously, I meant it..."I don't do lines." She looked at me as if I were denouncing my citizenship. Great post, great vids! xox
I took ballet class for about a year when I was but a wee girl ... luckily for me I did have a logical thought way, way back then ... I knew I definitely wasn't cut out to be a ballerina!
I had no idea about the Armory and the ballet stunt double.

In both cases, I'm left pondering, "Who watches movies to see something real?"

I had no idea the adult production industry had major facilities. I thought they just used crummy furnished apartments. Next thing You'll be telling me John Williams did their scores.
"it's important for his hog-tied actors to be comfortable.” That's my biggest laugh of the day.

I'm a contrarian on Radiohead. I hated all of their records that everyone else swooned over. Yet I played the last one, In Rainbows, ad nauseum. Haven't heard the new one yet.
I know what goes on in that building (SF Armory), and the owners must have done a professional job of sound proofing for people near the building not to hear anything.
Delightful! The Natalie Portman thing is unbelievably ridiculous. Of course she didn't do all that dancing herself! I have no idea why they're trying to lie about it! It makes me laugh. You're dead on here. Though I will say Radiohead fans can be pretty hardcore, so their lining up for a newspaper doesn't surprise me. I think it would be more interesting to line up for a tour of the armory - er, for historical purposes only!

I can't watch video today :-( But thank you for putting "What the Hell" up there - that song is my new informal anthem of the moment!
Elijah.. I cannot remember either.. of course I remember nothing these days.:)

lezlie: darn tootin..:)

Susie: Natalie' baby's daddy' started it hhahaha

Robin: What a T shirt concept: I don't do lines hahaha

Little Kate: me either.. the dedication was nuts let alone I could not be a free spirit.:)

Another Steve.. was it not Michael Kame??:)

Cranky: We are Guided by Voices fans.. radiohead free:)
Little Willie: PLEASE DO TELL.. :)

Maurene: yes it was gory..
Alysa: I love that song and I will try and do a blog from said porn house hahah
Your triptik of stories here is very entertaining, as usual! Did you really say, "hog tied actors?" Hilarious!
yes Mam just cathy..:)
Incredible. I can't imagine standing in a line and not knowing why. I rarely stand in any line. Of course, I live in the boonies where the only lines I see are those of deer (i saw such today and stopped my car as they leaped across the road). R
Maybe they could organize tours of the interior of the old Armory...
I've always been a fan of...uh....architecture.
Nice post.
Sheba I hate lines.. anywhere hahah EXCEPT Bakesale Bettys

Steve they do twice a month and I am going on the next one.
Logical Thinking on: Portman, Radiohead & Outdoor Porn

A Portmanteau?
Disco Fett: I love music and listen to all sorts of things. RH just does not do it for me. I don't know why. I love Guided by Voices but others do not. I guess it is a taste thing but when you don not know why you are lined up for something..that my friend was mind boggling.
As for the porn thing, they keep advancing.
Logical Thinking- weren't they a Brit New Wave band?
Seriously- that skill appears to be a rare one these days...
mr fawkes: you are so clever you give me shivers..:)

Enemy: Not where I have been:)
I am fresh out of logical thoughts, Linda. I certainly appreciate your motivation in seeking them out, however. Logical thoughts are like straws in the wind in this world. Out of desperation we grasp at them.

And Sweet Jesus, do I love homemade videos! Come to think of it, I believe that I have told you that before.

You should have bought the broken reading lamp. I would have. That does not make me a better person though, I hasten to add.
Brassawe: I did give him a dollar.:)
Disco Fett: I used to be in Ohio every three months. Great great bands that I will never forget.
Damn, I wish you had told me about the dollar up there. I feel so much better now after experiencing a short period of disorientation. ("Is this Linda's blog? Let me check.")
Brassawe.. I think I might have given him two.. I also had a pocket full of change I no longer had after doling it out on Mission street>:)
The list for 'what the hell are people thinking' could go on and on and on. You picked some excellent ones for starters. This could be an excellent open call Linda. I can think of a few I would choose. Great post! R
I remember the Flashdance fuss linda but I thought it was too slight a movie to get worked up over.

Similar reaction to Coming Home when it was revealed that Jane Fonda didn't do her sex scenes. I'm not big fan of sex scenes but I remember thinking that these were quite well done and integral to the movie. Everything else was so heavy-handed that I've never wanted to see it again.

I'm curious to see Black Swan so can't opine yet about Portman.

As for lining up without knowing exactly why, this used to happen in the USSR. There were chronic shortages of stuff but every now and then a shipment would come in. So if you saw people lining up there was a good chance it was for something you or your friends and neighbours wanted. I saw this when I was there in 1981. People would be walking around with one of those mesh bags containing around 50 small oranges. I reckoned that no one would buy in such quantity if they were assured there'd still be some left a few days hence.
Rita: If you want to do an Open Call go right ahead..:)

Abrawang: You have so many great stories I always await with great interest to read your comments. I cannot even imagine having to stand n line for food. We are truly blessed.
The Armory is now a porn palace! Say it ain't soooooo! I was so hoping for affordable active seniors condos!


Ony you can find these things going in the greatest city in the world. You are the new Herb Caen. We should call you Herbette Caen, Ladette of the world.

Golden Zuma.
love the homeless guy's smile. I'll buy your broken lamp, mister! I can add it to all the other crap I'm trying to get rid of! Great post, Linda. There's like all this cool stuff to choose from -- music, poetry, photos!
Xenon: I have this new thing.. When OS dies on me I leave. I just cannot stand it anymore.. Golden hugs to you.

Susie: I did give him a few dollars but I did not need a lamp hahah
Linda -- you want logical thoughts? When you find a planet that has them, please leave a set of directions on your blog.