It is 4:35 PM and I am already in my pajamas and have my pillow on the couch. I am honestly ready for a lot of royal action. The "Royal Truck" pulled up an hour ago and Tink the cat and his pal dropped by.

They are dressed for the occasion and will only stay until Ryan Seacrest comes on as Tink prefers to blog with the E channel backing him. All they could talk about was the 15,000 canapés that were being served at the reception. They also verbally drooled over one of the two royal wedding cakes. William's cake will be made out of 40 pounds of chocolate and 17,000 biscuits made by McVities. Kate's cake will be a traditional fruitcake tiered extravaganza.

They are going to serve shepherd's pie at one of the royal wedding meals and I know how to make it. But I am too excited to cook so I am doing canned Dinty Moore Stew with potatoes on top,  and oh yes cheddar cheese.

I already have the Royal beverage handy to keep wired all night. I know I am going to "royally" regret this in the morning.

Linda has decided to view the wedding on CNN because of Richard Quest - she would love to bear his children. I am also going to have opinions on hats and assorted things and it might not be pretty. We are also waiting with baited breath to see Uncle Gary.

Middleton’s uncle Gary Goldsmith was shunned by his furious sister, Kate’s mother Carole, after being exposed as a cocaine user.  He has a hedonistic lifestyle on Ibiza, where he owns a £5 million villa called Maison de la Bang Bang. This should not be confused with Tony Soprano’s bar called Badda Bing.

Kate's mum has been warned that no chewing gum is allowed as she has already disgraced the Royal Family at William's graduation by chewing her cud. I am starting to agree with Robin Sneed that the wedding dress will be designed by Sarah Burton from Alexander McQueen.

7:25 PM- Entertainment Tonight is on and I am already crying at the scenes from Princess Diana's wedding.

8:29 PM- Sheldon had a smoking monkey on 'The Big Bang Theory’. Maybe I should just stop here and blog about how much I want one too!

10:45 PM- How much Seinfeld can I watch?

Midnight: Richard Quest has on one snappy suit and looks mighty fine. He just said my invitation was not lost in the mail and I have a front row seat with him. Bring it on Richard!

12:30 PM- The doors are open!

1:40 AM- Lots of huge beige straw hats and out of the 1900 guests I swear 700 are wearing an ungodly seafoam green. Animal repellent commercial on now. Maybe it works on bad hats also?

1:05 AM- Harry’s on and off girlfriend shows up. I wonder if she helped him make the bacon sandwiches for the after party before she got there. What is up with that pink? That is not hot pink. That is the same neon pink I wore when I was 7 months pregnant!

1:17AM- Worst outfit seen so far. A dirty blue jacket and skirt with black regimental décor and frog closure. The girl that had apricot cherry blossoms all over her was runner up.

1:29AM- Exactly what does Posh Spice Beckham have on her head? Is it alive? She has custom Leboutin shoes on though.

 1:45 AM: One must never show cleavage bigger than your hat. Such bright colours - I am calling them cheeky monkey colours. 

 2:00 AM: Vera Wang just made a few comments on the clothing. Obviously by the looks of some of outfits she did not design any of them. Thank goodness the announcer  of “So You Think You Can Dance” isn’t shrieking tonight.  I don’t think I could take that at 2 am. Miriam Blake (Nick Blake) is my fave so far...looking very retro. Harry is coming!!

2:15 am- The groom and the best man are on their way. William is in red and the crowd is going wild!

2:30 am- We are all on pins and needles,  because the bride will be coming soon. I am not tired at all but I am really going to pay for this tomorrow.

2:45 AM- The Middletons are arriving with Prince Charles and Camilla. I just found out I have a mouse living behind my fridge. Well I am never up this time of night. Noisy rascal!  More bad hats alert! Camilla wears Jimmy Choo shoes? Wow!

2:50 AM- Fergie’s girls look like characters from Johnny Depp’s Alice in Wonderland. The Queen is in yellow. The flower girls look just like Princess Diana’s young lasses. The bride is next!

3:00 AM- The dress! It looks simple,  almost like Grace Kelly’s dress as I watch her riding in the car. Her sister, the bridesmaid is in a very plain cowl neck front dress. Vera Wang says it is modern and I am kind of disappointed. She looks happy and she is wearing a tiara. That’s all that matters in the end isn’t it? Happiness and a tiara! The mystery is over Sarah Duncan from Alexander McQueen designed the dress.

3:15 AM- The wedding has begun. I am sorry but there is nothing like a wedding, royal or not.

Rev. Dr John Hall officiates. Camilla's hat looks like it is going into outer space soon.

3:17 AM- Kate’s father just gave her hand to William. The tears are on. Catherine has asked me if I think that William is going bald. I think so! 

3:40 AM- The sermon is finally over. If you want to hear long tedious sermons attend the Anglican Church. I have nodded off during quite a few. William just told Kate how beautiful she was. Sigh…

3:55 AM-The British National Anthem is sung. Now I am really crying remembering my family. God Save the Queen! I still think Kate's sister's dress is far too casual.  She looks like she is going to a prom!

4:10 AM- They walk down the aisle and they look so darn happy. Grace Kelly all over again. The crowd cheers! Congratulations Kate and William! The procession to Buckingham Palace begins.

3:30 AM- They all arrive at Buckingham Castle and the Duke and the Duchess of Cambridge will seal everything with a kiss. Please let them live happily ever after.

                                                                  The End

Images and Text: Linda Seccaspina

Image of Wills and Kate: Mail UK