Linda Seccaspina

The Tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee

Linda Seccaspina

Linda Seccaspina
July 24
Formerly called The Maiden of Death by Derek Raymaker Xpress Magazine
When you wish upon a star
Linda's column can now be read in The Humm newspaper and online. Also pick up an issue of Screamin Mamas magazine from Florida for a peak at some of my writing.>> My idol is former mentor and OPRAH senior associate producer Elizabeth Coady. Taskmaster extraordinaire but learned so much from her, and if I could be 1/8 as talented as her I 'd be laughing.>>>>> My books "Menopausal Woman From the Corn" "Cowansville High Misremembered" "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities" and "Cancer Calls Collect" now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle >>>>>>>All covers also done by Diana Ani Stokely GRAFIX to go.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Cowansville High School Misremembered" book is now out as a fundraiser for the school._______________________ ___________________ Follow her on Twitter @@Mcpheeeeee. Linda Seccaspina was born in Cowansville Quebec about the same time the wheel was invented. _____________________________________ She used to own clothing stores in Ottawa and Toronto Ontario Canada from 1974-1996 called Flash Cadilac, Savannah Devilles, Nightmares and Flaming Groovies. _____________________________________ Her brain tries to writes stories about her menopausal life and a host of other things she gets annoyed at. _____________________________________ She has two sons, Schuyleur and one that does not want his name mentioned. She has a grandson called Romeo who is a Boston Terrier and a grandaughter Bella who is a french bulldog. _____________________________________ Linda loves people quite plain and simple and loves to hug.. Yes, she is one of "those".


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MAY 12, 2011 9:59AM

No, You Can’t Take The Stuff You Hoard To Heaven

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Tuesday was National Clean Your Room Up Day.  I would love to see some raised hands from some of you who knew about this special day or participated.


I thought so.     nunsence290x277


First of all let me clear up the word Heaven in the title. I understand there
are some of you out there that do not believe in Heaven so let me rephrase it and say the following. Where ever you think you are going when you leave this earth there are no storage lockers for all the stuff you have accumulated. Tuesday was your chance to make a small dent in that clutter for all mankind. You know, to go forth to where no man has gone before?





I have told a loved one many times that no matter what he has bought from the QVC network there is no way we can put more than one token in his coffin. He still does not get it and at last count he had stored over 167 brand new Christmas tree light boxes throughout the house. I asked him why he needed so many and he told me that the items were on sale or he needed them. Who needs that many lights unless you are trying to make yourself seen on Google Earth.



Thirteen years ago I stood in the middle of my living room arguing with my friend Cathy Schmidt on why I needed three identical black broomstick skirts. I could not fathom leaving one behind and nothing she said made sense to me. When I ordered clothing for my business it was always one for me and one for the store. Half the stuff I never wore and I continued to collect everything under the sun. Eventually all of those Bradford Exchange plates I paid top dollar for became worthless. The bottom had fallen out of Scarlet O’Hara’s ceramic dress.




So one day I got up, looked at the stuff around me and decided enough was enough. The house fire had taught me that what you own can go in a nano minute so I proceeded to start donating and decluttering.

Here are a few decluttering tips from Craig Kanalley from The Huffington Post that I figured you might enjoy with some of my thoughts.


Start with one area at a time.

I realize for some of you getting started is much like experiencing an in-house dream with Ghandi. But there no worries of drive bys or early birds like garage sales if you set up your own schedule.

Toss Papers you don’t need.

Oh, I am the Queen of tossing papers. Leave things on a desk for more than 24 hours and it is gone quickly to the local landfill site. If your loved one does not see it they have no idea it came in the mail.




Listen to Music while you Clean

Put on some Janet Jackson music, get nasty and begin getting rid of that 80’s stuff.  Believe me, not even Goodwill wants those padded shoulders. When I used to volunteer for a thrift shop we tossed out a lot of donations. If you find the item ugly or outdated chances are we will too. Just because you no longer want it does not mean we want it. Be also careful where you store your donation bags. Opening a bag and finding a snake in it like I did once is not pleasant.


Find someone to help

Preferably someone who will not gossip,  sell the pictures to the National Enquirer or blog about it.




Have a Trash Bag handy at all times!

You have no idea how freeing that it can be to load those bags with stuff and possibly the odd annoying human being. Maybe take pictures of the loved ones first for your keepsake photo book. Scanning them should be easy.


Set a deadline

Preferably in this century.


Treat yourself when it’s done

That does not mean you can go out and buy more stuff like a friend of mine did. She ended up buying more clothing than she threw out.




Remember that if you choose not to do any of the above and ignore the clutter this will be the final tip your family will have to deal with.


Deceased Hoarders Estate Sale Saturday

No Reasonable Offer will be Refused!




Text and Image by Linda Seccaspina 2011

I am Mcpheeeeee on Twitter

Images of Christmas lights by Perry and Stephanie Seccaspina




Short Shorts- Linda Seccaspina.. Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe

Watch Steve's hand go down at 8 seconds on the table. It was a hand motion that said it all.. "What, are you filming me again?!?"


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Golly! Never been first here! Fun, as usual! r.
We get to start this chore at my mother-in-law's house this weekend. I'm not looking forward to clearing the detritus but at least you have solidly implanted "Whistle While You Work" in my brain this morning (thank you for replaces "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" as performed by Buckwheat from the Little Rascals.
Every time I declutter a week later I find I needed exactly what I threw out. I don't know why but it just happens. Although it is time to toss the old underwear, maybe Saturday.
Jon.. you are always first in my heart..:) HUGGGG
Walter: I had to do this once and it is not an easy job. I know when I die I have some clothes and three things and makeup. I am so glad its done.. HUGGGGGGGGG
PS Walter: I am so glad Snow White read the riot act to those animals about how to clean dishes hahaha
ocular: That was so visual. I miss your weekly blogs..:(
We moved into our house seven years ago and still haven't unpacked the boxes. If I haven 't seen/used it in seven years, do I really need it?
Not so much.
Inspring post.
I know- I am one step away from being a hoarder.:)
Steve: One word .. donate.. I saw what happens to people's stuff after they die volunteering at the thrift store.
Most of it is thrown out and then they just toss the rest to some Goodwill.

Rugrat: OH I know hahaha
Linda, you have more junk than an opinion writer at fox noise.
Butt, if you're this good at getting rid of stuff, I need to invite you over to my personal landfill~~~HELP!! HELP!!lol

rugrat, watch your step.
Too funny!

We have a rule in our house. If the box hasn't been opened in a year there's nothing in there we need so it goes.

My mother in law is in the process of moving to NC and she's been throwing stuff my way for a month now. My living room is full of someone else's garbage. How does one say, "No old cranky lady I don't want your shit! Just go!" Well, without insulting Frenchie.

After the winter from hell we are currently replacing windows in our kitchen from water damage. The dumpster will be seeing a full load of sheet rock and wood piled on top of in- law rubbish. Bye my dear mother-in-law! ;-)
How do you keep doing this anyway?
I nominate Ya as Open Saloon's maid.
Pray we can take 'Dunkin Donut' tho!

The black hearse has luggage rack too?
Haul raw goat milk or 'Mountain Dew?
I shall take America Beekeeper Essays.
I have a big box of old bee magazines.
We be written up by miss`behavior.
We can grow creamed corn in hell.
We no want chicken pox in heavin'
I have been seeing dead road kills.
Bambie run in front of hearse PU.
Butchers cry if they cut on Bambi.
Maybe Pedro let you take socks.
You are Dear Llama Lima bean.
Heaven lets Alpacas in gardens.
I need high speed hooker to go?
She ride in my PU farm vehicle.
I never believed we no be happy.
I happy. Doughnuts and Barbies.
We no worry when we kick bucket.
Rich and poor get are feet to walk.
We walk gold streets with blisters.
I hope I stay here and dig sassafras.
Sassafras root tea keeps me earthen.
I'll drive my pickup truck via pear gates.
Plant peach trees, walnuts, and peanuts...
Xjs: get rid of your landfill site.. seriously.. you will feel so much better. As for rugrat he is watched hahaha.. lovingly...:)

Eyes: I so understand where you are coming from... any parties going on that night when the dumpster leaves??:)

Jane: It is SO easy to talk. I used to have everything. You become emotionally attached to everything. It was not until the fire where I lost a great deal of stuff that I understood. Stuff is not priority in life.
Hey hey hey....I am hungry for that.
Linda after just reading what you wrote here in a comment I smiled like a cheshire cat " It was not until the fire where I lost a great deal of stuff that I understood. Stuff is not priority in life."

At my grandsons ball game the other night my son in law was pointing out one of his cop partners that has a crush on my daughter. I commented by saying," Eh, he's not a looker like you." With that he responded," No but you should see his house."

Mine to him, "It's not about the house. It's about the people in it."

Who needs stuff when you have each other....great reminder hon.
may i add one tip?

don't buy anything you can not leave out in the rain

note: on Steve's runny yokes;
hope he is okay.
This is so funny because I was going to clean out my very cluttered closet today and get rid of what I don't actually want or need. Then I thought, oh to heck with it, I'll get on OS instead. You put me right Linda. I'm going to get started and I'm turning off the computer!
After I write each piece,
I shake my head each day,
If I did not write, I'd surely be brain dead.
Years of thoughts and dreams that came my way,
I hope and pray that I might say,
Words of humour and passion,'
To my sons in some sort of fashion,
For they are the reason I leave words,
Before I leave for the land of lemons and curds.
I'm so sick of cleaning the garage. -R-
I'm so sick of cleaning the garage. -R-
Algis: so am I..:)
Throughmyeyes: You know some people learn this in life and some do not.

I no longer look for stuff because I don't have anything. The more you have the more you want. I am very afraid of this generation.

Ume: That poor man gets the camera on him without notice.:) he said nothing but the hand gestures said it all hahhaa

Rei: I have one large cupboard to do here. Its not pretty. Time to throw out the laser disc player..:)
Blog about it.. that will make it fun..:)
I know I have clutter, and I know I am not even the worst. I keep throwing out more than I replace, and somehow my home is never empty from all the things other people bring with them. Have you ever noticed the people who litter in your car or your house? After a visit, they have left all sorts of discarded beverage bottles, receipts, papers, plastic wrapping, empty boxes from a little store trip they just took?
I think my summers of camping out from the back of my car, or the shed equivalent of a metal tent, and backpacking taught me to keep lightening my load. It is a constant.
All those Christmas sounds like you are living with a Clark Griswald, lol. Fun post!!
Having coaxed, prodded and threatened myself into emptying out the room of gloom I can say ''Whew"! It was the last bit, many zillions of photos which I sorted into 2 small each for my son and niece. Why I had triplicates made of each roll of film remains a mystery. Anyone need a formal gown or 30? To resale then...

never heard of clean your room day. Still I know that I can't take it with me so I figure when I get enough I'll have a big sale and buy a candy bar with the profits.
Omg, Linda! I was thinking , as I was going through my "stuff" looking for my extra cell phone battery (which my husband finally found in a most unlikely place!); I needed to blog about this very thing! Seriously, how many purses do I REALLY need? I finally departed with about 10 pair of flannel jammies (notice I didn't mention purses) and trust me, I have plenty more! I have several other things, I'm bagging up and giving to charity. I do try to do this every year but how is it, I only accumumlate more?
As I get older I see the need to dump stuff, I would hate for my kids to be stuck with all my clutter, if I died. I am starting to let go, but it is hard. I have notes the boys wrote me and cards they made me and artwork from kindergarden, I CANT throw! lol
Bobbot: LOL maybe a Clark bar??:)

Chelle: I used to be like you. Nothing but a passion for fashion.. I did it though.. I get sad sometimes and then I realize no one will have to deal with anything. All my cds and dvds can be donated and the clothes tossed.

Cindy: Go buy some books and make a memory book. Of course I have to do that. I have a bag thats it of photos.. but it needs to be dealt with. Every year I keep asking my oldest what he is going to do with outdated textbooks.. he keeps them.. His father still has his.. so you cannot argue
Simplify. Been trying to put this into practice this year. So far, so good, but there is so much left to do.
Tea Tom: I know it sounds easy but I know it is not.
Ink: We even have Dharma logo our front door. We will always bee huge Lost fans
Have made a teeny tiny dent in my "stuff". Whenever I need inspiration I visit one of my "cleaner than god" friends!!
The short short got to me.

He called his plate a "Two-Eyed Private Idaho" and then poked the eyes to make stuff ooze out.

Just another reminder that in this month we must maintian our Zombie Awareness.
Chrissie: I have a problem with these cleaner than god people too. I wold love to be one of them hahaha. But I am not.. :)

Another Steve: Thank you again for bringing the attention to Zombie Awareness month. Have we go shirts yet?:)
I'm not the neatest person in the world, but I have a fear of clutter. Specifically, I have a fear of becoming a crazy old cat-lady hoarder--I always feel some relief when I purge my place of random stuff. Have fun (?) today!
Felicia.. I have never ever met someone that has a fear of clutter.
You being a culinary expert it amazes me you dont have small snippets of recipes hanging around like I do..:) Love your posts..

Ink: Okay I was not happy with the ending at first but then after I saw it at least another 6 times I felt it completed the series. There will never ever be a show like that again and we should be thrilled to have had the chance to view it.
I miss it at least once a week still.
Another great blog, I really need to do this and am salivating over that two eyed Idaho. I love Steve's Dharma shirt.
rated with love
RPoetess_ According to Steve the two eye did not have enough hashbrowns so I immediately gave him 2/3 of mine. Got to love and take care of a Lost fan hahah
I missed it. Maybe next year.
My wife has just gone into the professional organizing business, but she won't take hoarders. I told her she should team up with a psychologist.
I hear they do have storage bins in purgatory, but it's a month-to-month lease.
Mimetalker: I think we all missed it..:)
Con: No Hoarders??? think of the $$ and the conquests :)
John: LOL ever think of doing stand up??:)
I used to get ads for paper made from old clothing. I'd love to donate old clothing to a boutique paper factory. Is this still happening?
I had a fun evening "discussing" why it was with all the junk of interest I own, that I threw out the dead plants in jar yesterday. Turns out it was a dried flower arrangement in an antique vase. oops.
You should see the laundry my kids brought home from college!! I told them they have to clean out their drawers for donation before they put it away....
Great post!
There is one thing that I hoard. That one thing is books. Every time I move I make myself a promise that I will eliminate some of the books, many of which are school text books. I know that some of these texts have been revised already but do you think I can part with them? - "No".
I have never been a hoarder and regularly throw things out from the mind and the boxes in the house - this was fun to read
Geezerchick.. WOW maybe contact the Fashion Institute in NY??
Alsoknown as.. Now thats an oops..:)
Susie: what a good mum.. looks like the kids have been shopping..:)

maurene: I used to have that problem but I kept it all. So much happier now.

Catherine: My son does the same thing.:)
Rolling: I think getting rid of the excess in your mind is good too.
I am off to the city for a few hours to see what I can scare up.:)
Ewww. This reminded me I gotta clean our hall closet, lol :)

It scares me to see other people's junk. It used to be fascinating, as if I were looking at a potential treasure lode. Now, it reminds me of all the junk collecting in our basement. Brrrrrrrrr. To honor this day, however, I will finish bagging up the rest of the chickencrap in the coop - that I couldn't get to yesterday - and taking it to the dump. I feel better already just thinking about it.
It's great feng shui to keep just as much as we need...this reminds me it's time for spring cleaning!
LOL . . . this is a great reminder of a chore I totally dread . . .
I am so grateful I got the neurosis opposite of hoarding. However, like ocularnervosa, I invariably "need" something I have just thrown away yesterday. When is National Sit on Your Ass and Do Nothing Day?

Well, as an ardent collector of stuff, I am on constant alert for signs of going over the line, one I understand is very fine. The saving grace is that I do require order in my life so while I have a lot of stuff, I know where everything is and try to remain vigilant against my inclinations.
Oh glorious stuff........rated
I never hoard. It I don't need it, to the dump it goes.
"Just because you no longer want it does not mean we want it." bwahahahah
i need to clean here :p with a backhoe
My husband's the hoarder, I'm the tosser. Thank goodness we sort of balance each other out! Can't have two hoarders in one family, that's for sure.
One goes nowhere after the big shebang. This is it. If you screw it up, no backsies.
"all right...thank you"

Beware of flying yolk.
My boyfriend hoards food and household supplies that begin with the letter "S": salad dressing, salt, soup, soap and sanitizer are among his favorites. When I pointed out his letter "S" fixation, he at first denied it, then realized I was right. He's a way cool guy, so we just laugh about it and go about our business. A little clutter is a fair trade-off for good loving . . .
Entertaining as usual, Linda. Luckily, I have done this already as a sign of love for my boys so they wouldn't have to do it when I kick off.
We have cleaned out way too many houses of people who kept saying, tomorrow we'll deal with that so we are actively involved in cleaning out all those nasty little piles and boxes that accumulate over the years of child raising and parents is a daunting task--and you wrote about it well.
I'm with D.M. You go Nowhere. The hoarding is to waste time between the voids.

My mom actually kept my baby carriage that looks like that picture you attached but of course it was olive green, keeping with the '70s theme. Then she took both my kids walking in it when they were babies. The mice had eaten a hole in the vinyl (??) while it was sitting in the attic for 20+ years so she put duct tape over the holes. You could also take the "box" part off of the wheels and let the baby sleep in it. I thought it looked like my kids were in an open casket. Disturbing!! My mom does not "hoard" per se but she will seriously save one bite of a leftover sandwich, because we don't want to waste food!
I passed out in excitement when I realized today is National Clean Your Room Day. Can't wait til the kids get home from school so we can observe it!

Love the photos too...
"But...but...those toys from 1978 are special and are only missing a few pieces...and I love shoulder pads! How else will my giant-shouldered canary yellow jacket stay on??"
(this is not me...but I know someone... )
I tend to keep fabric.....for that project that I'm about to start...
which is lighter than all the beams, lumber, plywood, doors, and windows Husband tends to collect...and for some reason none of those things will work on our house...??? : )

A very timely post, Linda...our whole country seems to be suffering from Too Much Junk Syndrome...
Does this mean I have to look under the bed? There's a different universe down there and I'm afraid to get sucked into the vortex.
Miko: Come over and do mine after.. I will provide cake:)
Matt: I bet the chickens will be happy too.:)
Pauline: Okay that sounds good but.. are Hoarders on that show into feng shui too??:)
Owl: get to it now!! LOL
Lezlie : LOL you call it please..:)
Rosycheeks: you have to be the only person I know that it organized except maybe Lezlie..:)
Scanner: you are just like me.. off with their heads..
Julie: May I suggest a call into Cyril with his mighty mini U hauls??
BSB: You and I are just the exact same.
Nancy: You tell them and take a picture at the same time and then blog about it hahah

Just Thinking: When I had my old mini dressmaking factory I saved every scrap.. Took a month to clean it out
I am so glad I do not collect anymore.

Little Willie : martinis in the vortex sounds like a plan to me..:)
My hoard consists mostly of my exes. I had them stuffed. They don't take up much room. They're going to the Smithsonian.

My kids are not going to be happy when I tell them this !!! I must confess, I have serious paper issues.... I know it is not pretty but the first step is acknowledging the problem right? r
If only other "hoarders" were as sensible. I do believe hoarding is (for some) a mental illness related to OCD -- where they will never see the reasonableness of your advice. It would be interesting to know if this kind of behavior was as prevalent in the time of pre-consumerism...of if this is a new phenomenon?
Kid.. now that was very Criminal Minds of you
Hugs: It should have been announced in school//:)
Bellwether.. Very interesting question
I called PODS.

They will deliver to heaven.
As it's said, "You never see a U-Haul following a hearse"," or something to that effect. I'm not a hoarder but I definitely have my corners of clutter.

Maybe I'll play the Snow White tune, get motivated and clutter -be-gone!
When I cleaned out my Great Grandmother's house it took weeks.
Leon: you are the pod man
Scarlett: hard to begin but terrific when you are finsihed.
Heart: I so understand
National Clean Up Your Room Day? Damn, now you tell me Linda. Obviously I wasn't copied on that email. But there'll be another one in 2012, right?
Abrawang.. if we make it past may 21st.. the end of the world and all.:)
you called?
the taco wagon's outta commission.
my harley has a sidecar we could use.
If you are going to throw out the eighties stuff why not start with Janet Jackson?
You're on Cyril:)

Jack: Because I still like her..:)
i need this. i surely do. i take small bags to donate, but i should take a truck.
Does no one have a good word for clutter? Clutter's the outward appearance of what is or was happening inside us. It's thoughts and notions that possess us and give us joy or gloom. I could say more but I don't want to clutter up your page.
dianaani: I need someone to help me with a cupboard.. cmon over..

Leon: You are the man of words
I owned a house with a basement for 15 years. Never again. It took me 5 years to get rid of all the excess baggage. I deliberately live in a one bedroom condo now and I live by the rule, 1 new thing in, one old thing out. Last month I finally cleaned out the last of my stuff in my daughters garage. The goodwill loves me!

Great post! Cheers
I owned a house with a basement for 15 years. Never again. It took me 5 years to get rid of all the excess baggage. I deliberately live in a one bedroom condo now and I live by the rule, 1 new thing in, one old thing out. Last month I finally cleaned out the last of my stuff in my daughters garage. The goodwill loves me!

Great post! Cheers
Good for you.. I am on the same path..
HUGGGGGGGG ravensworld
I have been having seasonal withdrawal from the Hoarders Buried Alive show so I started watching a show about people who bid on abandoned storage lockers. It is surprisingly interesting. Some amazing finds and lots of junk. I used to love the tv show "Clean Sweep" too and I felt so sorry for the people. Moving frequently helps me keep the clutter down but already after seven months here I can feel it coming in slowly.
I knew a group that made beautiful flowers from electric lights and had a display in a garden at night and another who put a bunch of electric light wisteria climbing up the outside of their house. So lots of electric lights could be a garden in the making. Just clump them together with rubber bands and create.
Oh and please don't envy the clean people. My mother's house is super clean and it is one of the most depressing environments I have ever been in. I think it is as much of a disorder as hoarding is. Great post as usual! Thank you so much!
Zanelle: Would you not love to go on Storage Wars.. someone told me stuff was planted in those lockers
I love the tips - and am glad you survived the snake experience! Yikes!