Last week Walter Blevins blogged about Zombie Awareness month and I flipped out because I had not known about it. God only knows I dated enough Zombies in my life that I should have been right on top of this.
Look closely around you on public transportation for the next coming 30 days and anyone you see sporting a gray ribbon, give them a high-five. They are wearing that ribbon to acknowledge the possible danger of a Zombie resurgence.
What exactly is a Zombie?
"A Zombie is a person that has no consciousness and self-awareness, yet is able to respond to surrounding stimuli of flesh and life."
How many people did you date like that? I swear I went out with a cattle car full of them.
I dated one that worked in an autopsy facility and wore white pancake gothic makeup on the weekend. He was into gothic line dancing and had a bacterial infection that eventually broke up the relationship. When he started oozing fake blood from his mouth as a fashion accessory that was it for me.
He was a lovely man who was an artist and into painting images of dead bodies on canvas. He would also do performance art; spraying flesh coloured liquid latex on himself and then pull it off layer by layer. When he started recreating the Holy Crucifixion in an art gallery in Toronto I "nailed" out of there quickly. I swear he played dead better than Lassie.
My friend was trying to pawn off her Dead Head/Zombie boyfriend as she thought I was a better fit with him. When I complained one day of having horrible menstrual cramps he exclaimed,
“Wow, that’s crunchy!” and then told me he was into blood.
I suddenly realized that he was not the man for me. He did not look at me like a date - only just a puddle of blood and guts.
One dude was into Michael Jackson and had the choreography for Thriller down pat. When he came into a club one Halloween evening dressed as a Zombie with a working chainsaw I knew it was time to cut out of there. I have never seen Zombies with chainsaws and he somehow thought Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a Zombie. Someone who did not know whether he was "coming or chainsawing from" in horror movie knowledge was no date of mine.
Man takes Linda to Donovan concert in the early 70’s. Man does not want to leave and Linda’s roommates have to come to the door with baseball bats and tell the crying man to leave. Baseball bats are still the number one weapon to conquer a Zombie attack. Reason number four to own a Louisville Slugger.
Linda loved Rob Zombie and jumped up and down at the Metropolis club in Montreal years ago screaming that she wanted to bear his children. Her friends did not worry as Rob Zombie, like other Zombies, is only interested in brains.
Linda was minus the brains in any shape or form so no one was concerned. She would been relieved had he been interested in her that he just wasn't dating her for her brains.
"This is just what I wanted my son to see. Take him to work, get attacked by zombies. Your mother's gonna kill me."
- Warden Mahler, Dead Men Walking (2005)
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Where their motto is: It's okay to feed!!
Picture 1: Sanctimonious vegetarian zombies are among the most feared of all. (another steve from OS)
Picture 2: Picture of Karren Squarejane
Picture 3: Michelle Gabrielle Harrell
Picture 4: Baby Bella Zombie
Picture 5: Jacki Kouprie
Picture 6: Samuel from Shake these Beats
Picture 7: Artwork by the great Sybil Dorset Lamb
Picture 8- Steve's contribution to Zombie pictures "The Zombies"
Dedicated to the late great Tony who we will never forget who was filming a Zombie movie before he died.
Rest in Peace - March 2, 2006
Linda Seccaspina 2011