Emma Wedgwood

Emma Wedgwood
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Schaumburg, Illinois,
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Author, humorist and ethologist. I enjoy meeting people, making friends, spurning lovers and balancing my checkbook.

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Salon.com
JULY 30, 2009 5:43PM

Sex and the Art of Seducing a Man

Rate: 7 Flag

Seducing a man takes little more than effort and desire, sometimes more of the latter and at others none of the former.  Men think, methinks, primarily with their testicles, conditioned to shift all mental processes to the genital area as situations, broadly, approach the likelihood of copulation.  They have been wired with such cognitive cicuitry since the rise of bipedality, with all evidence strongly suggesting long before this.  Thus wither the "Art" (or baseless necessity?!) of seduction?


To seduce a man is to control him.  When under the pheremonic influence and vocal suasion of the weaker or comparable sex, he has, lest the world be illusory in toto, positively no will to effect.  He is, id est, a doll subject to the whim of his puppeteer.  He will say what his master would like to hear and act as his director thus directs.  He may be led to slaugher or made a public mockery if his proprieter wishes such.  It is as though his entire mental makeup has been recommandeered and made to move in directions over which he as no control.

The key to artistically manipulating the Man is to lead him to believe he will, in the very near future, ejaculate.  Subtle peekaboos at his groin will not, however, no matter the intelligence quotient he measures, do the trick.  Instead, gross motor movements with tactile repercussions, ideally directed toward Mr. Sunshine, are utterly necessary.  (See Illustration A.) During which time, it is important to prop up, I would be remiss not to state, the male's sense of self.  Liberally lavished lies such as, "You're very clever," typically succeed in furthering seductive efforts.

Illustration A

amphora

 

It is important, all the while, to bear in mind the purpose of the seduction:  sex.  He and you both desire it, and never should he be made to think it might not transpire.  Nevertheless, there is ample time to accrue concessions of the male before the snog, such as money, jewelry and the like, though the acquisition of these material goals should be temporally positioned and ranked in value so as to capitalize on his growing desire to copulate.

After any and all delights are had by the seductress, it is now time to lure the man into that space and time of coital imminence.  In no instance, however, should penetration proceed until after orgasmic climax has commenced in the seductress: the very nature of seduction and the amount of time devoted to it bears a strong (near 1:-1) negative correlation with the amount of time a man will engage in copulation before ejaculation.  (In some ghastly and truly tragic instances, men have reportedly "blown in their pants" before engaging the partner.  This condition is immediately followed by a constriction of the blood vessels in the corpus cavernosum of the penis and has deleterious effects.  (See Illustration B.)

Illustration B

penis
 

And there it is, a well-rehearsed script of which even the most elementary student of seduction will appreciate:  Tell him you are going to take him, take him, then tell him you've taken him.  -EW, φ

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LOL! Thanks for the good laugh!
Just talking like that got me. It ain't rocket science to seduce a man. Often a simple COme over here will do it.
art? i thought it it was easy as breathing for any reasonably attractive woman.

certainly art would have been wasted on me, before the age of 50. thereafter i did require that i be warm, dry, and recently fed before i was anywoman's.
Thereafter i did require a SAILBOAT!
-Meow, you're very welcome.
-Al, did you require the same of your mate?
-Sailorboy, your sail seems a bit a-sagging.
ms emma ... thank god for the illistrations or i'd a never got this one ... read this in a book or personal experience speaking? Need
help: please write ... "Sex and the Art of Seducing a Woman" and
please illistrate ... lew (rated)
I like this. I'm trying to decide if you are funny, cynical, horny, or all of the above. Rated.
That pretty much captures it as far as I am concerned. I just finished Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. I could have cut to the chase far more quickly by reading this instead.
Emma: You're brilliant, beautiful and funny. I think you're already practicing your "art" on me.