As a woman who has decided to forego the pressure to be thin and just live my life as if it doesn't matter, I can say that fat is ok.
Full discolosure: I am 5'8", a size 16-18, XL, blonde, and pretty. Think of a white Queen Latifah, breasts, attitude, and all.
As a fat chick, I suggest you get to know one. I have observed that people who don't like fat people seem almost allergic to them. They run the other way and have no fat friends. So like the proverbial black friend of the racist, I am offering you a view from over here.
Here are ten things about this one:
1-There are no significant health risks that I have that I would not have if I were not fat. I am an insulin dependent diabetic that was diagnosed at a period of my life when I was athletic and fit. Injecting insulin makes you fatter. It is how the hormone works in insulin resistant people. There are some diabetics who get skinny because of it. Genetic lottery on that one. I have chronic pancreatitis that was the result of injury in an auto accident. I have degenerative disc disease that has caused two back surgeries, just bad discs-no trauma, not weight-related. I am otherwise healthy, mentally and physically.
2-Fatness is a feature of people that they own. You are never fat and not know it. You know how to diet and exercise. And you are choosing not to do it at a rate to effect change. That is a freedom and a responsibility. I do no t eat like a bird. That is what I did when no insulin worked for me. I now eat like a normal hungry person who loves food. And I do not have high blood sugars, just fat, to show for it. It is a release from constant worry and vigilence. I am embracing it.
3-I have nice clothes. I had to find them. And I have to stay within a reasonable range of fatness to wear them. Unlike chronic dieters, though, I stay a consistent size and do not yo-yo. It is healthier and less strain on my heart, or so my doctor says. But just like you, I have to notice when things are getting tight and cut back to maintain my wardrobe. Although I cannot say that I have "fat clothes" as it is a distinction with no meaning in my wardrobe. "Too fat" exists for me, it is when my clothes do not look good. I am vain that way. (Yes, fat people can be vain.)
4-Deprivation does not give me a good feeing of control. It makes me feel deprived. I have not got that thing that makes me feel virtuous when I am giving up something. Maybe it is a common trait in fat people. I don't know, but I am guessing it might be a factor.
5-I don't like fake food. I had to eat it for a long time just to get a reasonable A1c, but I hated it. That leaves me feeling kind of smug now that real butter and eggs are back on the menu, trans-fats are being banned, and non-calorie-non-sweet drinks are popular.
6-Skinny people don't frighten me, but they make me sad. I, being about a size 16-18, look at them and wonder what effort it takes for them to remain thin and if they have to give up a lot of good things in order to maintain it. They look stressed to me, as thinness was only a fleeting part of my life and when it was with me, I was very very sick. This is a pshychological phenomena called projection. It is normal. Just like when thin people imagine how unhappy they would be if they were ever "that fat". In reverse.
7-Having been both thin and fat, I like fat better. People don't cozy up to you and be nice to you just to be "with the skinny girl". This happened to me when I got really skinny really fast. I went to the same stores and public places and was treated like a completely different person. No dirty looks, a rather obsequeous friendliness was the note of the day. It was creepy. I rather prefer to be an anonymous fat chick to being an object of desire.
8-There is a whole subculture of people who PREFER fat chicks, the fatter the better. They are affectionately known as chubby chasers. They creep me out, too. I think objectifying a person based on their weight is like looking at an iceberg and deciding you know all about it. There is a lot there that you can't know by looking. The skinny chick you might like to drape on your arm could be a psycho from hell. The chubby chick you don't consider could be exactly like your mom in every good way there is to be. And vice versa.
9-I am a belly dancer. I am good at it. It requires a belly. And fitness. And a sense of your own attractiveness. Belly dancers know the sensuous appeal of soft flesh. They work it. They own it.
10-I don't eat all the time. I eat a lot three times a day. And not as much as you think, as it is a metabolic thing. A lot of fat people are pre-diabetic and insulin-resistant. They don't know it, as they are not tested for it commonly. That is a medical crime. Diabetes can be avoided, usually with medication, but also with constant severe dieting and 7-day a week exercise. Think about how you eat, how often you do 45 minutes of continuous aerobic exercise each day, and decide whether you would be able to do it before you judge those who need drugs.
If you don't get fat, that does not make you lucky or virtuous. It just makes you brown-haired to my blonde. A genetic craps shoot.
There but for a different roll of the dice go I...and you.
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annette2009
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Comments
A thoughtful Ode to the Bounteous, the Curvaceous, the Voluptuous Female Form. But why do you and your Sisters in Substantiality insist on the term, "Fat", when so many others in the lexicon of our language are better-descriptive? I would just as soon call myself a "Fop"!
In the army I weighed 145 lbs. I was skin and bones. I couldn't gain a pound. In my 30s and 40s I started getting really fat. Unhealthy fat. Too much booze, too many french fries, and a lot more booze. Sometimes it takes a medical development for a guy to wake up and figure out whether he wants to live or die. I quit drinking and started working out. It's been up and down, but mostly up.
Last summer a high school pal of mine was found dead of a heart attack. He was a year older than me. He didn't take care of himself. He smoked a pack a day, didn't care what he ate as long as blood was oozing out of it, and he spent nearly every night warming a bar stool. Funny thing is, outwardly, he was healthy-looking. He was trim and of average BMI. So I really started thinking at that point for me at least, the party is over. If I'm going to go the distance, I've got to get serious about fitness. I'm back at it like a demon. In fact, I'm on my way to the gym right now.
See you!
Re #3, I, too, try to stay within a certain size range. I got off my exercise program for a few months (stress, upheaval), along with not eating right and gained enough weight that a lot of my clothes didn't fit. I'm down 10 now and they're starting to look good again. I'd like to lose another 10 or 15, and I know that's quite possible, now that I'm speed-walking and eating my veggies again.
Monsieur, I think we say "fat" as a way to de-stigmatize the word. "Fat" is the opposite of "thin," which is not a bad word, so why should "fat" be?
J.D., exercise can be a wonderful thing. I love to hike and canoe. Yesterday I spent a good hour moving boxes in warm weather, and I love that sweaty, cleaned-out feeling you get after a good bout of exertion.
That worm may turn yet. The Bees are dying and food might become pretty scarce in the near future. In places where food is scarce, fat is a beautiful thing.
I am an equal opportunity lover of beauty. There isn't much except the business end of a spider that is not visually interesting to me.
Fat is something you have to touch and not fear to find beautiful. Being pregnant drove it home for me. My fat was a sign that my child was safe anf had enough of everything to grow. After it was gone and I was back to my normal size, I missed that hard swollen belly. That is when I got into belly dancing and began to celebrate my body rather than fight it.
Very fit people who have been fat, like J.D., tend to be the most egalitarian of all, as they know better than to judge too harshly. They know just how much it takes to make the difference, and just how hard that is to maintain.
Fat or thin, it's the self-loathing that'll knock a person down. Kudos to you for your uplifting spirit. I see another Meme coming out of this, thank you.
That means a lot ot me, as your meme started all this and then made this ricochet post on the current fat meme as well.
Open is a good outlet for me. I like talking with grown ups, as my 3 year old, my constant companion, just isn't a brilliant conversationalist yet. Even if you can disregard his tendency to break into a "silly face" as your rant reaches a crescendo, you are still left with the croaking crickets in response to your brilliant musing. Yep, grown-ups are better to talk to.
Now if I could only type without typos and edit comments...
There was the tattooed hula dancer moving with such confident grace that other woman subtly moved to stand closer to their men.
The red headed fiddle player that put bow to string, closed her eyes, and silenced a rowdy bar.
The singer falling in love that sang her heart to her beau and seduced us all.
Most of all, my former love who looked with lust and saw with kindness as I grew old, lumpy, and tired.
Thanks for writing this post. It pains me to hear women talk down about their body. And yet, the culture doesn't seem to be ready to hear all women speak confidently about their bodies, as most men do (really, when is the last time you heard a man bemoan his thighs or muffin top? A guy who gains weight typically sees himself as he always does, with a few extra pounds that don't seriously alter his view of himself as a worthy human being - women, not so much).
Recently I was sick and doing couch time watching DVDs - my bf had the first season of SATC so I watched it. The 4 women were sitting around a table each taking a bash at her own body - thighs, breasts, etc. They get to the sexy one and she is silent and they all look at her expectantly, but she refuses to bash. "What?" she says. "I happen to love my body." Not a line many women say, or for that matter feel free to say unless of course they meet the culture standard for attractiveness. I wish we all felt that way.
What I like to be is "normal size" for me. Below a certain weight and I freak out a little, fearful that I am getting sick. Above a certain weight and my clothes feel tight.
Just like everybody else.
For some folks, their fatness is just not a big deal. That is what is hardest for others to accept, because for them, fat would be the very worst thing that could happen to them. When that is your yardstick, you really ought to take some time and therapy and re-prioritize your values system. As we get older, nature slows the metabolism and you naturally gain 5 pounds on average each decade for the rest of your life. So a 70 year old who weighed 120 at age 20 will probably weigh 160 if they change nothing. I think its nature's generous cure for wrinkles. Skinny folk wrinkle more.
The cover caption was a little strange to me at first. Then it occurred to me that I really don't like it any other way. "Big love", indeed.
Nope. I can verify that thin people are just as likely to experience deprivation without the benefit of feeling virtuous.
When I had to give up wheat and dairy because I was so sick, I lost the weight I had gained as a vegetarian, and returned, more or less, to my pre-veggie weight.
But I'd have preferred to keep the weight, if it meant that I could still eat whatever I wanted... just as I had done during the first three decades of my life.
Just goes to show... that what the experts say is "healthy" ...doesn't really work for everyone.
I did just read something about cinnamon and insulin receptors, though, and posted a comment about it on the sugar-high post...
I've thought a lot about this, growing up with a mother who was fat and filled with self-hatred and passed a terrible judgementall shame about the body down to her daughters. Unfortunately, ePriddy, your beautiful, calm, accepting , celebratory attitude toward yourself is not the norm for many if not most women. My mother hated her body, and she and her sisters and friends spoke with constant and severe self-criticism about their bodily flaws, most of which had something to do with weight.
Of course, these women lacked self-acceptance period - it was not 'caused' by weight gain. My mom's REAL problem wasn't the scale, wasn't her metabolism, wasn't secret eating - it was her abusive husband and her fear of leaving him.
But she didn't talk about that. What she talked about, and what her friends talked about, was their weight, and the talk was never positive. It could make you tremble, in fact, to hear how casually they talked trash about their very own bodies, how little love and acceptance they had for them. How much disgust they expressed.
And none of this was lost on their daughters. Alll of us were on the scale by 3rd grade, commenting freely on the size of one another's thighs and butts and using 'fat' as the ultimate pejorative - "you big fat meanie!" It was only in my 20s, recovering from anorexia, that I could really start getting at the root of where these negative ideas about my body and weight were coming from, and, with great effort, throw off those heavy rusty chains.
So maybe what people are fearing isn't the weight itself, but the self-hatred and unhappiness they imagine comes with it because, like me, they witnessed too many times women savaging themselves over extra pounds to ever believe they'd feel any differently.
Self-acceptance is of course just that - acceptance of the self, without conditions of weight or prettiness or wealth or success or popularity. Most people don't have it, and I think they're neuroses about weight or the visible signs of aging are really just red herrings.
I understand. I have 3 sisters: the fat one, the thin one, and the one who is always on a diet.
We have a picture from when we were children, 35 years ago. We were young kids on the beach showing our tan lines. When we had a little reunion last summer, we recreated the picture. Three fat broads on the beach looking back at the 4th fat broad taking a picture of the first pulling up their bathing suit bottoms to show their tan lines.
Oh how we worried about showing the world our junk. And the looks we got! You would have thought we were slaughtering seals by the faces of women watching.
I think it was good for them. I photo-chopped the photo to make it one they could all post in their homes on the fridge without pain. But I keep the unretouched one out for me. I think we are beautiful just for being alive and together after 35 years.
Interesting how the dynamics in our family are changing. The fat one got diabetes and is on a severe diet and is now normal size. The thin one got ovarian cancer and survived, but the hormone therapy has made her fat. The one on the diet just passed fifty and saw her daughter graduate high school and just went on a new diet. And I remain the same, and happy for the opportunity to live, in whatever body is of my moment.
See #6
I am sorry you have suffered for something so meaningless. Imagine if all that energy you put into being skinny had gone to something you WANT to be able to do now that you can't.
I love all my sisters and I just want them to be happy. You're one of them.
E
What I really really wish I could have back was all the damn time I spent fixing my hair. Jesus wept, what a waste.
My mental picture of you and your sisters posing on the beach makes me smile.