1. Being a podiatrist only makes you an expert on feet. It does not make you a psychiatrist, a sociologist, a public health expert, or a philosopher. It makes you the equivalent of a plumber, only you work on feet. And even while feet are much more complicated, it is still a restricted area of expertise. This goes for all other doctors, as well. Grand generalizations about everything under the sun that vaguely relate to sex and health are about as useful as a pundit's guess before an election, interesting but rarely accurate or relevant.
2. Pornography today is not pornography of yesterday. All porn of every ilk is available to everyone 24/7. There is no fetish that cannot be enhanced or explored over the internet. This is a good thing as it helps us all understand ourselves and minimizes the need to experiment on willing or unwilling paricipants. This is a good thing.
3. Pornography doesn't make you a rapist or a killer. There are several indicators of how this happens to people. It is either endemic, which has nothing to do with external stimulus, or it is caused by sociologically broken systems that do not provide normal stimulus or brain injury. There are no more serial killers now than there ever were, there are just more on record and on tv and in the media. Crime statistics back this up. Incidents of rape have decreased since the internet went wild.
4. Girls gone wild are just girls looking for external validation in a system where their self-worth is undefined at age 18. People without careers and lifestyles more complex than living at home with their parents have not got a lot to call attention to themselves. But if they show you their tits and make out with their friends, men and boys will watch. Other girls will watch to compare themselves to other girls as they are trying to self-evaluate. Insecure girls used to go behind the bleachers and lift their skirts and girls have always looked at other women and self-evaluated. This is nothing new, it is just on tape, now.
5. Tramp stamps are forever. Yet, they do not hold up well over time. If you have one, you should seriously consider that decision next time you make any decision.
6. If you are sexually adventurous when you are young and have no responsibilities and do so in a safe manner, you don't wonder for the rest of your life whether you really might like to have a three way or kiss a girl/guy. The more we suppress our desire to explore possible options when we are young, the more trouble and regret occurs later in life when kids and marriages and jobs are now in play. Sexual adventure is appropriate for the young, with other youth of appropriate age. The fantasy of initiation is best left in the imagination of the adult.
7. Nothing that I said in the previous 6 items will be found in Cosmo. Cosmo is about fostering the beliefs and ideation of post-adolescent girls. The ideas expressed in Cosmo regarding sexual behavior of normal individuals border on pure fiction. Real people have had enough actual sexual experience to know that if it lasts all night, you are doing it wrong.
These are things I think, things that I have gleaned from the Discovery Channel specials on human sexuality, other specials on killers and rapists and how their brains are different than normal brains, and things that I have noticed as common traits among my peers. I am not an expert. I do not even claim to be one with the exception of pottery. So these are opinions, just opinions. But look at how authoritative it all sounded! That is because I am a very intelligent person and I speak well and with authority. Consider that next time you are reading something that really really sounds official and then honestly evaluate the source of the information. That is the point of this post.
For full disclosure, my opinions for the above came from these data:
1. from experience with blowhard doctors who were often wrong
2. from experience
3. from discovery channel special on brain abnormalities in criminals
4. having been a girl for 40 years and having lived among them as well
5. living at the beach where many ages of people are mostly naked here
6. experience and informal polling
7. reading Cosmo for 20 years and abandoning it once mature adult
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Comments
I have had some strange experiences with doctors including 5 experts who said that it was physically impossible for me to bear and achieve live birth to my now 4 year old son.
Nothing like having 5 experts be completely wrong to wean you off the God complex that, for better or worse, we all get a little of. Because if you didn't really believe in your doctors benevolent godhood, would you take things that would otherwise be considered poison in the interest of healing?
I get why they are like that. But I prefer a scientific approach.
But my experience in life tells me you are spot on Priddy. #6 is especially good advice.
The pornography thing is an interesting debate that I'm surprised isn't discussed much. Two schools of thought. One, it fuels the fire that causes more rape, increased teen pregnancy, etc... Second school of thought, and the one I subscribe to (although I must admit I'm not much for porn) that rape is an act of irrational violence and has zero to do with Sex, unless we're talking date rape which is just as bad but not caused by porn. And as for pregnancy, I think with porn more easily available, less teen males will be walking around with "loaded guns". That just may help them not pressure their young girlfriends into premature sex.
Just a thought...
rated
Rate on!
I'm with buckeyedoc on this. I sometimes slip up and appeal to authority (my own), but I try not to; it's a surprisingly easy mistake to make.
You were mentioned by a fan of yours as one of the "Women We Love". Above is evidence of why. Great piece.
"Consider that next time you are reading something that really really sounds official and then honestly evaluate the source of the information." this is an excellent point to which I would add, evaluate the information itself, not just the source. Often, when we remove the authoritative sounding voice and replace it with our own, we suddenly see the failures of logic, etc.
Criticizing Cosmo for being fantastical or myopic is like putting down Grease for its treatment of the Cold War.
(thumbified because Elizabeth knows good sex *and isn't afraid to ask!)
I have a friend who is a technical expert, and he has a saying that I love:
Trust, but verify.
Thumbed.
At least I can give this post a love bump for the feed......
Thanks, E!
I liked this post very much with it's honesty and freshness. And,....BTW I'm an expert on stuff not gettin' done, so if there is something not finished, it's probably me.......
SO .... thanks for the support. I had two levels of meaning here. One is the obvious, a few tidbits about modern sex/love. And another the immediate respect that anyone calling themself "Dr." makes us flex and offer up. Remember, I am an ordained minister, and I am not just saying that, I really can marry any of you. I could have just said I was, but I bothered to get the credential. Anyone on OS who says they are a doctor and talks a good game could get away with it.
By my count, it takes 3 years to fulfill a specialization residency. That means that Dr. Amy must have spent at least 15 years as a resident since she is an expert on cloning, general practice, OB/GYN, cardiovascular disease, and pharmacology. And that is only going back three pages of posts and discounting current events.
If she would pick a medical specialty and stick to it, I would give what she says more weight. But I would still get a local real world opinion if it mattered.
I like our good Dr's posts, but I trust Rahul more because he doesn't over-reach so often.
And this last one sent me over the top as it was just wild speculation.
So I posted about wild speculation and the authority it might engender, even without a "y" to stand with.
I did a search in the OS search for "women we love" and nothing that mentions specific women comes up....and I need to know, like Telly Savalas always asked, "Who loves you, baby?"
and Lonnie, I am cam impaired. What am I supposed to see? And do not rick roll me or that other roll you offer, either!
Isn't this exactly what we criticize the religious right for doing?
Over the past 16 months, I have been dealing with a mysterious illness that no one has been able to diagnose. I have dealt with a range of doctors from caring and curious to aloof and dismissive. I'm seriously considering a witch doctor at the moment. The doctor in question here obviously doesn't have much of a practice. Not only has she ample time for copious posts, but she stays on for hours to respond to comments almost in real time.
Finally, let me just add that I think sex is great. Love is good, too, but sex is just great. If you want to read a magazine that purports to tell you how to make sex better, I say go for it. Yeah, Cosmo's a rag, but it's a fun rag. And, if it makes just one night, or afternoon, or morning, or weekend better for you, it's OK by me. When I look at my wife and think that it would be wonderful to have sex tonight, I'm not objectifying her, I'm just horny!! Lighten up, doc.
Rated big time
I am blushing. (turning pink in the cheeks)
What we need to teach the kids as they grow is how to filter what they see nd read. There's nothing inherently evil in Cosmo, but it's camp. Yes, CAMP! Geez, drag queens have known that for years. Read cosmo with your mental camp filter on and you'll find it hilarious. At a further step on the camp extreme meter, tabloids were cheap entertainment for me and my friends many a time. "I WAS BIGFOOT'S LOVE SLAVE" was my all time favorite National Enquirer headline.
We will get NOWHERE by condemning the various "evildoers" in film and media - and trying to hide all that stuff from kids as they grow is impossible and asking for trouble. The more forbidden something becomes the more enticing it is. Our kids (AND SOME ADULTS) need to learn to take what is there and filter with a grain of salt as appropriate.
Exempt from this philosopy, of course, is any media or film that depicts harmful acts or child pornography - but that should go without saying. A crime is a crime whether on the screen, print, or in day to day life.
Oh - and Elizabeth, I have to say that I embraced #6 fully and it worked out quite well for me..........
I personally have given up commenting on Amy Tuteur's posts because she has the absolute certainty of a religious zealot. (I've said as much in comments on her blog before I stopped reading her.) She throws around citations like the religious zealot quotes scripture. It would be helpful if people realized that in her case they are dealing not with an M.D., but with a T.B.--True Believer.
Considering the vehemence of her declarations, I think it would be appropriate to state some type of disclaimer. pontificatrix does this every time she posts something not directly related to her specific area of expertise, and I commend her for that.
And lookit! It worked.
I haven't done it yet, but will soon. I've received nominations so far for you, marytkelly, sandra miller and a couple of others. I'd nominate Stellaa, and not solely because it's piss her off.
I haven't figured out all the parameters yet, but they'll start with "No sex-obsessed yahoo comments." And I don't want to know who has a hot photo. It's about the attitudes of grown-up women who like men.
Is there anything wrong with sexual adventurism once you're divorced and the kids are grown? I think not, though tempering it with wisdom and mercy can be somewhat limiting.
I've heard.