A few weeks ago, a spate of armed robberies occurred in a nearby upper-middle class neighborhood. I hadn't thought about it until recently when I was sitting in a Chic-Fil-A. A friendly acquaintance I'd met on a video shoot a few years back was waiting for his wife before placing their order. He was on crutches and had a full metal leg brace holding his leg at an angle. I know little about him besides the fact he's a Brit and a teacher. I jokingly said "No more rugby for you!" across the lobby of the restaurant. He smiled and crutch-walked his way to my table where he informed me he and his wife were two of the victims of that mini crime spree.
I'm rarely at a loss for words. But the thought of these two perfectly normal, perfectly nice humans being held at gunpoint made me momentarily flush with anger. I instinctively uttered "I'm sorry to hear that... ", the lamest phrase known to man. Usually reserved for deaths but often appropriate for weddings and news of visiting relatives too.
Admitting what truly piqued my anger is the worst part. Armed robbery is bad enough. But I knew that three young black men had been arrested for the crimes. Chasing the bile rising in my throat with a bite of waffle fry, I was left with the notion that I was more upset because the alleged perpetrators were black. My only coherent thought was now it's personal. This wasn't the polite "Hi. My name is Bob. I'll be your robber." portrayal from Steve Martin's L.A. Story. I felt like there was something I should be doing to restore the karmic harmony for all black men who clear wide swaths of sidewalk as they go about their daily routines.
Ending this disturbing plateau, the man's wife told me she wished I had been on the lawn with them that evening. I don't quite know what to make of that. So I took it that somehow my presence would have comforted her. I don't know why as my only option would have been to comply as well. Regardless, I received the notion as a compliment. I finished my meal and advised the man's wife to make him a nice Yorkshire Pudding to comfort him. The comment was received with an "awww" and cheery laughter.
I left the restaurant wondering why the actions of others could leave me feeling so soiled.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
mary gravitt
Joel Orr
comfortcafe
Anne Cameron Cutri
Hal_M
Beth Mann
Salon.com
Comments
"There's only one person in the world whom you know well enough to hate." Me
Stellaa, I'm afraid it will only get worse as the economy flounders. You're right about it being years in the making. The unemployment/underemployment poverty cycle combined with low graduation and education is decimating many communities. Containment (read bigger jails) is not working. In my opinion parents are the biggest key to solving the problem, but good luck influencing them.
I agree that the economy, local and global is a huge part of the problem. But at the same time my folks were not rich... barely comfortable in fact. But there was a time when you lived how you had to live and it was instilled in children to be thankful for it. Education was also pushed harder. We knew it was the key. Public education downright sucks in some areas... I'm sure Olga has more to say about that. But it's more than adequate in lots of locales. But, there is still a disdain and resentment that kids harbor for other kids that embrace learning. Blacks and other minorities (except Asians perhaps) I think suffer disproportionately from this internal bias. Hmmm... so much to say here. I'll leave it, and I do look forward to your post.
While empathetic, I don't know what you can do to restore karmic balance. If you commit to being the best version of yourself that you can find, I think you are holding down about all the karma you are responsible for--even if you aren't very good at keeping that promise. Forgive yourself Eric, it was a pretty shocking revelation and you snapped back in a way that was humorous and warm. We should all recover so well.
Still, that doesn't meant that we cannot each of us in our own way, as Susanne suggests, still make some kind of a difference to others who are stuck in the same structure, even if on different levels.
Simple courtesy and compassion have more impact than we usually recognize, and I think you exhibited both in your interaction. The uncomfortable part, the "shame," for lack of a better word, was merely a catalyst.
KTM, that's an interesting POV. I suppose I have a different view of parenting and its ultimate role in society. I'm also uncomfortably close to the subject having witnessed generations of non-parented kids having kids of their own. Not that you haven't seen the same thing, but I'm sensing some divergent views on the subject. I'd really like to hear from more people about this concept, whether societal structure trumps parenting.
Are you frightening? Exceptionally buff up top? I have seen your calves and know that you are not a gym rat. But you could be naturally toned...
I found your story very confusing. My husband, who is not black, is over 6 feet and 300. He is huge and kind of frightening on streets. He cleared swathes on the way home at night around NC State. Even the bums avoided him. he has learned to just cross the street himslef so as not to inconvenience other sidewalk companions at night.
BTW, it's not uncommon for even large black folks to have smaller by proportion calves. Guess it comes from all that sprinting across the grasslands our ancestors did :-)
I had no idea about smaller calves, though. Are you making that up and pulling one on a white lady?
(BTW, I was accused of being a racist old white lady in my blog. I deleted her comments because she was shooting her mouth off with no provocation.I don't think I qualify except for being a lady, and even that is questionable.)
Any kin in Nash County?
I was raised alongside the Morgans and Jones' of Nash County.
I might go to hell for that one.
LOL! That's great.
My folks came up in that area and cropped there and surrounding counties. I've relatives scattered throughout.
My mother and I may have cropped some of the same tobacco as your relatives. That's kind of cool.
I am glad I made you laugh. I thought really hard that maybe I shouldn't say that, but I was laughing too hard not to share....
Get a cheap surveillance camera and shoot through the door if there's trouble on the other side.
My ex-ex had a great story about working as a census worker in Atlanta in 1990. She'd stopped her car to check out a map. The map and her .357 magnum (the largest handgun I'd ever seen) were under the seat, so she put the pistol on her lap and was reading the map on top of it. So when two black gentlemen tapped on her window, she moved the map, unintentionally revealing the weapon. They VANISHED according to her.
Maybe a warm free breakfast and a hug would have been more effective?