The lady who sits outside the elevator
on the third floor,
who always wears a necklace
of chunky multicolored plastic beads
isn’t smiling today.
I call her “The Smiling Lady”
because she always smiles,
and sometimes compliments me,
but she isn’t smiling today.
She glowered at me,
or so I thought.
I felt as if she were accusing me of
some crime, unseen.
Was my crime not being old
and sick and in the nursing home
with her,
of not being her visitor?
Does she ever have a visitor, I thought.
She set the tone for the day.
I had no patience for Mom.
I was testy, short-tempered,
not wanting to pin up her hair,
but I did.
Not wanting to wipe
the dribble off her chin,
but I did.
Not wanting to be there at all.
Does that make me bad?
That I realize I can’t take it, week after week,
phone call after phone call,
that I am not impervious to the pain of others,
that I am not superhuman,
that I don’t want to care
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Devi Hart
aging hippie chick
ThroughMyEyes
Bill S.
theig86
Elizabeth Blessing
Salon.com
Comments
Heck, No! It makes you human.....
We all have "off" days--perhaps today was just one of those for The Smiling Lady...
This was a very genuine piece of writing... appreciated it
:)
r./
jl, thanks. I try to treat myself, but sometimes I just get depressed. If I weren't broke, I would buy myself a convertible!!
Lezlie
'speck you better have some Erica time and turn turn this over to someone else for a time to heal Erica.
Erica needs you.
Mom can be sifted to someone else.
Nothing at all wrong with a break or needing one. You will need to strengthen Erica so she can continue to function.
Go heal yourself time.
Good idea, Lezlie. I want to and would feel better about it if she had other visitors, but it's just me.
Stathi, thank you too!
Zanelle, you're right. I have to take better care of myself.
Deborah, thanks for reading and commenting.
Hugs to you, Erica.
R♥
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. = serenity
-R-
Treat Yourself to Your favorite food. Go see that movie You've been dying to see.
Visit that friend who always provides a respite.
Do WHATEVER makes Erica feel good.
Today is Erica deserves a break day.
R
(There are quiet, everyday heroes, who go unsung for years.........)
All that you do for your mom does not go unnoticed, in someway, I believe, you are paving the way for many blessings to come to you.
: D
Not to sound too mysterious, here's an anecdote I've found personally invaluable when I go exploring as a writer: a woman asked the writer E. M. Forster what he thought of a certain something. "Madam," he's reported to have said, "how can I know what I think until I've seen what I say?"
Hang in there . . .
And, a damn good poem, to boot.
poem. If I remember correctly, even Jesus got tired from healing people and his disciples had to make him take a break. These days very few of us have disciples to look after us. You need to have compassion for yourself. You are not superhuman. Once you've recharged you can care for your mom in a couple of weeks. Love is not measured by what we feel, but by what we do. Take care, dear lady.
Green heron, you're right. Alzheimer's time is not fun time, but I try to smile as much as possible around Mom, because I sense that she picks up on my negative energy: not healthy for either of us. I wish I could take her out of there sometimes, that I were a millionaire and could add on to my house and pay for round the clock care, but that ain't happening. I also wish sometimes I could take her on a trip to Sweden or Norway--she has a fascination with Scandanavia.
Kate, yes, break sorely needed.
Chicken Maaan, you guys do have a sacred calling.
Lea, thanks for reading and commenting.
Jeremiah, I try to be the Smiling Lady too, but couldn't force a smile that day. Maybe the lady was picking up on my energy.
Thanks, Linda. Hug back to you.
Scarlett, thank you. I don't write much poetry anymore, so it's appreciated.
cc, I like what you said about the measure of love.
Take a break, dear Erica. You are a good soul and I'm sorry that such challenges are burying you. I pray things will get easier for you very soon.
Miguela, you are right. Thank you.
Please do go get some time away so you don't collapse -- I'm glad you wrote.
Mary, thank you. You are a sweetheart.
and that really is all that counts