OS has been a second home for me this past year and a half. I started writing here last January at my husband’s urging—he felt it would help me write more and provide a venue to express what I was going through with my sick Momma. I was very fearful when I first posted, didn’t think anyone would read my posts or people would hate them. But over the months, I met kind hearts and kindred souls who offered advice, support and well wishes. I even got to meet some of you in the flesh: fernsy in February, then a group of you at an Ides of March meet-up in NYC.
I think I would miss the secret TRUST of OS, the blind faith we have that those we communicate with and lay our words and hearts on the line for will offer a hand to lift us up when we’re spattered on the ground or give a pat on the back for an accomplishment. Being part of this community is like that trust game I played (and I’m sure many of you have too) at a religious retreat in high school when you are blindfolded and you wait for the group to catch you and not let you crash to the floor.
I got a call from the nursing home yesterday that my Mom had fallen out of her wheelchair again and had a cut above her right eyebrow. She was being transported to the hospital for suturing and whatever else was needed. I expected to see her with a tiny cut above her eye today but instead saw her curled in bed with a huge red, not black and blue, eye. It was alarming. Looked like someone had socked her in the eye. I spoke to Thomas, the nurse on duty, and he said the doctor had seen her today and the swelling should go down in a couple weeks. The broken blood vessels around the eye caused the redness. And as my husband pointed out, she probably didn’t shield her eyes with her hands when she fell. A kind of free-fall.
I have witnessed her trying to propel herself out of the wheelchair on many occasions, and always ask, “Where are you going, Mom?”
“I don’t know,” she usually says. Trying to get away from something or trying to walk again? I don’t know what’s in her damaged brain. No one is there to catch her when she falls.
Mom and I watched clips of the old Judy Garland Show on PBS. One of the best moments was a duet between Judy and Barbra Streisand singing a medley of “Get Happy / Happy Days Are Here Again.”
Thank you for catching me before I fall.