“Sometimes you’re the windshield
Sometimes you’re the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re just a fool in love.”

                      &n… Read full post »

Thank you, Harold Camping, for your most recent failed prediction.  Because of you, I can live to experience the following (in order):

1.                  packing my mom’s apartment and moving her s/… Read full post »

In Chinese Astrology, I am a Metal Ox.  This is the Year of the Rabbit, the Metal Rabbit.  It started off turbulently, and I'm wondering what more to expect.  My husband Lorin has been a kung fu practitioner for the past 10 years and we have been to Chinese New Year… Read full post »

The last time I rallied for a cause was in 2003, marching with fellow New Yorkers against the impending Iraq War.  Before that I’d done nothing of significance in the political arena since the 80s, when I was a vibrant 20-something full of hopes and dreams, not to say I haven’t… Read full post »

“Have you met Miss Jones
Someone said as we shook hands
She was just Miss Jones to me.”

                        Rodgers & Hart

She was sitting at my mother’s beds… Read full post »

This morning my husband Lorin and I went to mom’s apartment to retrieve clothes, her clock radio and other personal items to bring to Park Gardens Rehabilitation and Nursing Center.  She was transported there yesterday from Jacobi Hospital.  Medicaid finally came through for us. … Read full post »

My husband and I started watching AMC’s Breaking Bad in 2009, so we missed the first season and had to order it on Netflix.  I was immediately hooked, rather, obsessed with the show.  The main character, Walter White, is an anti-hero, recently diagnosed with incurable, stage three lun/… Read full post »

If Thursday night’s visit at Jacobi Hospital conjured Edgar Allan Poe, yesterday’s was modern day Frank Capra, with a twist.  It was Party Central on 5 South, Room number 6.  Balloons, bouquets of flowers in baskets, water pitchers and vases covered almost every surface.  O/… Read full post »

I immediately regretted my decision when I saw her.  She is in room number 6, 5^th Floor South, Building 1, with four other women in varying stages of decline.  This is Medicaid in the flesh, how we treat our elderly, our poor.

Mom had a netted smock wrapped around… Read full post »

May 3, 11:30 a.m. 

I’m having palpitations.  I took half a Klonopin at my desk to calm down.  Dr. T from Jacobi Hospital called to say that mom refuses to be transferred to a nursing home, and since she has been declared “competent” to make her own decisions, they cann… Read full post »

“If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do
Don’t you?
 . . . And I feel
Like I've been here before,
feel like I’ve been here before.”
            David Crosby

Another call this morning from… Read full post »

“But Jesus called for the children and said,
‘Let the children come to me;
do not try to stop them;
for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’ ”
                     … Read full post »

Sunday, April 24

I hate my mother.  It’s Easter Sunday evening and I should be loving Jesus and hopping down the bunny trail or returning from it.  It’s hard not to hate your abuser even if that abuser is your parent, sick or not.

Mom has had trouble raising… Read full post »

After support group last night, some of us went to Zocalo, a Mexican restaurant in the Grand Central Station concourse, for margaritas.  To protect the innocent, I will refer to the ladies as "S", "L", "D","A" and "E." 

There is always a victory to celebrate, large or small.  S/… Read full post »

“We belong together, we’re happy together,
and life is a song.
When we are together, we know
we are where we belong.”

                        Oscar Hammerstein & J… Read full post »

It’s been 80+ days since my last period, these are my sins . . .  .  As a lapsed Catholic, I feel this may yet be another punishment inflicted upon us womenfolk by the Lord.  I go to St. Agnes Church once a week during lunch and light a candle to… Read full post »

Welcome to the Office of Temporary and Disability Assistance (OTDA), 16^th Floor, 14 Boerum Place, Brooklyn, New York.

Signs that greet you:

“No Fumar
Beber,
Silencio
Por Favor
Audencias en Progreso

Quiet Please!
No Cell Phones Permitted
Surveillance by Closed Circuit TV in Use”

Welcome to pale… Read full post »

Mom greeted me this afternoon naked from the waist down.  Better me than the male nurse or the maintenance man. This is another first. At least she was wearing her blousy leopard top which covered up a bit.  

Mom wets the bed every day now, but today was the worst I’ve… Read full post »

“Money, it’s a crime
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.”

                        Pink Floyd

I received a check and a note from my aunt today.&nbs… Read full post »

“If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same . . .”

                        “If” by Rudyard Kipling

When I saw mom Sun… Read full post »

“When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark.”

                        Rodgers & Hammerstein, Carousel

On Tuesday evening… Read full post »

A relative vacationing in Florida left me a voicemail last night saying, “I heard about your mom’s decline, Erica.  I’m so sorry.  I’m not sure what I can do from here . . .” . 

My brother does nothing because he has “problems” of his ow… Read full post »

On Thursday, mom called me twice at the office to ask who the British actor in the movie was and I said, “Anthony Hopkins.”

“Anthony Hopkins, of course.  Thank you, dear,” she said, and hung up.

She called about ten minutes later and said, “Quick, tell me the name… Read full post »

“He says, ‘Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes.’ ”
                  &nbs… Read full post »

“We’re all put to the test, but it never comes in the form or at the point we would prefer, does it?”

– David Mamet, The Edge

This morning at 6:00 a.m I found mom sitting on the floor of the bathroom unable to get up.  I asked… Read full post »