I recently attended a memorial for a close friend's father. He lived a full life of nearly 90 years, and will be much missed. Alert until his final hours, he chose when to die during a period of rapidly deteriorating health, by declining further treatment. As a fellow atheist, he also chose to have no funeral (donating his body to science) and requested a gathering of friends & family to exchange stories about his life.

What struck me most about this event was the genuine feeling demonstrated by the more than 70 in attendance. I have been to many (always too many) funerals, with the usual visitation of the carefully embalmed body preceding, and some form of religious ceremony followed by interrment. All too few have shown any sign of true grief among any but the immediate family. This was a spontaneous outpouring of love and grief for a good man, by all assembled. There was much laughter (he was a great character) and a few tears. Emotions ran high - I have tears in my eyes again as I write this.

Death is a fact of life. There is not a shred of evidence that there is anything following cessation of brain activity. Once you're gone, you're gone. The only known afterlife is the continuity of memory among your family & friends. For some, their works also continue, in the larger population's memory.

I don't find this a particularly distressing thought. Then again, I've not attempted to find the quasi-immortality many do through their children, and I have no expectation that the impact of my life works will continue for long, either. Many people appear to find the finality of death  so terrible that they must delude themselves, customarily via a variety of religious beliefs, that there is some continuity of their intelligence or spirit beyond death. Even the words used - "passed on", "passed over", &c - imply continuation into another as yet unidentified existence. People in general appear to be desperate to achieve some kind of immortal state, preferrably a good one.

Most religions use the carrot & stick model of behaviour modification to cajole or threaten adherents with some form of heaven & hell (you rarely see one without the other). Since neither has any concrete evidence of its existence outside our hyperactive imaginations, there seems little point to prolonging this way of thinking. The only justification appears to be for indoctrination and mind control of the majority by a collection of self-serving oligarchies. Religious altruism is a very thin veneer on this fundamental state.

It's so much more important for us to live well, day by day, in as much harmony with our fellows and surroundings as possible, than to spend those days in preparation & expectation of something beyond. We need to make our heaven here, or it will surely become a hell. All that's required is for us to use our brains for what they're good at - observing, evaluating, deciding...for ourselves, not according to the dictates of religio-political oligarchs. And the fear of death should be the least of our worries in doing so.

Death is shocking, harsh, and final. There is no good way to prepare for this. Loved family members and friends who die are mourned, rightly, for they are never coming back. They can also be remembered & celebrated, and I find this the most comforting form of continuity possible.