So my old school district has recently decided to probably not ban the Humanities book, though there will possibly be more hearings on the topic.

I graduated from Plano East Senior High School in 1998. I took Humanities at Clark High School from 1994-1996. And I for one am shocked - SHOCKED! - that they haven't gotten around to banning it yet.

Graphic images like the ones in the Humanities book just confuse young people. For instance:

You can't be showing teenagers a smokin' male bod like that, looking all sexy and confident. For starters, it will make the gayish ones instantly much gayer at an age where their gayness is still totally reversible. Also, look at that defiant mop of hair! It's almost like he's proud of those flowing girly locks! And don't even get me started on the giant marble wang. How is L'il Mary Honors Student supposed to grow up to be a rich successful rich doctor? Not by looking at penises, that's how not. 

Still not convinced? Feast your eyes on this one:

What the shit is that.

For more research and evidence, I typed the word "humanities" into the Google Image search. Here's what came back:

Sociology? Literature? Those aren't even real things.  Based on the looks of this chick, what starts with the Humanities probably ends with vegan cooking classes and tantric sex workshops.

I'm just trying to look out for all those kids out there like me. What if I'd been spared this book? It probably never would have occurred to me to kiss girls or practice meditation or do any of the other things that have so completely fucked my life thus far. I live in New York City, for chrissakes. It boggles the mind.

So, in conclusion, I urge PISD to do the right thing, and by "right" I mean "correct" and also "reactionary." Ban the book. Burn all remaining copies. Sounds like a rollicking mandatory pep rally theme to me!