The worst thing that can happen to me as a parent, all categories included, save for maybe accidental deaths of family members, is when my daughter tells me that she needs to study for a math exam.
These words activate my flight reflexes like nothing else. My heart feels like a big stone lump in my chest. My sympathetic system goes into overdrive. I start sweating. My boyfriend, if he is at home, sends me a sympathetic look. No amount of persuasion will make him trade the job of helping her study for anything else.
The truth is that my daughter sucks at math big time. She is an intelligent enough person so I don’t see the exact problem. I think that what she lacks is somehow the emotional maturity of sticking with a problem and accepting the fact that she does not immediately know the reply. Math sessions throughout the years have resulted in countless torn books, thrown pens, words, slammed doors, you name it. I learned early to be constructive and not get caught up. I support, I cajole, I explain each solution from different angles, but to no avail. I have given up. Not on my daughter or her intelligence. I have not given on helping my daughter study - I have happily traced the events leading up to the First World War, helped author a short essay in French about Street Dance and countless other requests for assistance that are usually voiced on the evening before the assignment is due and when I have collapsed in front of the TV for what I was hoping to be the rest of the evening. What I have given up on is being able to do the job of the school in teaching my daughter the patience to work through a math problem.
Last night my daughter needed to study for a comprehensive national math exam. It is meant to measure the math skills of all Swedish sixteen-year-olds. In other words it is the kind of exam that is difficult to study for. You are not exactly given the page numbers of what you need to review. I was dyeing my hair when my daughter asked me for help. In response to the request I took a deep breath and sat down with the dye still in my hair at the kitchen table.
My daughter lasted 60 seconds before falling apart. Suddenly the piercing she had removed from her lip was missing. How could anyone be expected to concentrate on math under such circumstances? It was the favorite piercing! Daughter accused me of hiding it, she flipped through the book, she stormed out of the kitchen. A few minutes later she found the piercing under the salt shaker on the kitchen table, where she had put it herself to keep it safe.
And so it continued. I do not remember all that was said in the kitchen. But I know that at some point I stood above the kitchen sink, banging my head against the white kitchen cabinets in desperation. I know this because the hair dye from my hair made permanent black patches on the cabinet doors, which I had to explain to my boyfriend.
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Marilyn Stevens
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Susan Creamer Joy
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Comments
I think you should get a label for the hair dye stains...something to the effect of--"The Dangers of Math."
Polly person - could you write in English please? I can't understand your comments...:D
But seriously -- With my 3 boys, the best thing to do was to take a step back. See if there's a peer tutoring program at school, or if the teacher offers extra help or office hours. Let them do it themselves, even if that sometimes means a lower grade. At least then, the teacher can see where the gaps are. I always told my kids, "I already graduated. This is YOUR homework." (That said, I do get hooked in sometimes and it depends on the kid.)
My oldest son has a math learning disability. You might want to check that out too. I would not assume she's just being a pain in the ass, although kids her age excel at that! ;-) (I love the lip-ring scene.)
I would wager that her problem isn't with a lack of ability, but more a mental/psychological block to ALLTHINGSMATHAHHHHHHHH! I'm not suggesting getting a crazy-expensive, brilliant tutor, but rather someone who has the skills to keep up with her and can act as a mentor.
Here in the states, this service could probably be had for $15/hour.
I would get her tested to make sure there are no underlying problems, and then get a tutor.
I was your daughter many (many) years ago. I was even diagnosed as having a "mathematical computation learning disorder," which I think is now called Dyscalculia. My father is a math whiz and would read (and still does read) calculus books for "fun." When it came time to sit at the kitchen table to do homework, it was always a guaranteed fight if there was math on the list.
It was a relation thing. I didn't understand math (still don't) and he couldn't understand why I couldn't understand. Sure, if you're a math genius, it comes easy. But for those of us who really stink at it, it's like trying to read Greek for the first time with a gun pointed to our head.
Sometimes getting a tutor, especially one that is impartial and isn't a parent, is a good way to go. When you walk to the table with math homework and there's the expectation of frustration, it's not good for anyone in the situation. Good luck!
The last math class I took was pre-calculus, as a sixteen-year-old. I think I barely scraped by with a C.
Due to my college major (English), I was able to get out of the math requirement by testing out of a class called "Math for Elementary School Teachers." Basically, it was math up to very very very basic algebra, with a heavy emphasis on fractions (since we're still on the English system of measurement, we use fractions a LOT over here). Not difficult, as it was all stuff I'd learned back in grade school.
And I have not been called upon to do any math problem more complicated in the 11 years since.
Once in college, my roommate and I, both liberal arts majors in a dorm full of math/science whizzes, were sitting on the floor of our dorm room, struggling with the most basic level algebra they taught and bawling our eyes out, with math papers, books and calculators strewn around us. It was quite the sight!
The other part is problem solving. This usually involves breaking the problem into smaller parts. Suggesting steps might help.
Like hatchetface, I had probs in this area when I was 16. Now I'm a programmer. I found that with age came a natural curiosity and more tenacity with things I couldn't immediately get. You see, just because a person isn't good at something straight off the bat doesn't mean they should give up. You just have to get the brain to get used to going that way.
Just two-and-a-half years later, while prepping for my O'levels, I had that same look of disbelief that my brother had... I couldn't believe I hadn't gotten something so simple back then!
Sometimes we just need time... time to overcome our anxieties about we can and can't do, time to overcome our dislike (which really seems to be a fashionable preference when your a kid) of Math or whatever subject it is we're having difficulty with, and mostly time to just relax a bit, take a step back, regroup and reapproach the subject.
By the time you're daughter's asking for help, it's too late. She may just be avoiding Math until she realizes she has no choice. Or she may just be a habitual procrastinator... like me... leaving things to the last minute and then scrambling, getting a hit at most things that come easier to her but struggling and missing with things that don't.. such as math.
The distractions and tantrums are simply because the stress of the Math exam is too much for her to bear. You might not have been able to help her through this exam, but you could help her by teaching her to face her fears and not yield to avoidance. If you look closely, she may be applying the same technique to other areas of her life that make her stressed or unhappy. She may also need to know that she is perfectly capable of doing well in Math and that she will eventually even if it doesn't happen right away.
Ugh... this parenting thing is hard! I can only imagine what my mom went through with the five of us... and now I'm just a beginner parent with a 4 year old. So much fun is yet to come my way!
Good Luck to you and your daughter.
Note also that there is a learning disability related to math. It is called Dyscalculia. Check it out:
http://www.dyscalculiaforum.com/news.php
(Good luck)
Your story was a riot though :D too funny!