It was 1997 or perhaps ’98. I was in Chicago for 10 days of intensive medical education review course. There were hours of lecture during the day and then hours of “free time” to spend at the microscope looking at material from abnormal cytology demonstrating all sorts of pathological changes. It was all very long and tiring.
My assigned microscope was next to a young man from the Northeast. Our conversation at first consisted of talking about the material. As the week progressed we found that we both played guitar. Then we found that we were both big city blues fans. And then he told me of plans to go to Buddy Guy’s club, and asked if I wanted to go along.
Our families came up. I had been married for about 30 years then. The kids were grown and we had young grandkids. He had kids and was divorced. Recently divorced as it turned out.
We caught a cab to Buddy Guy’s and got there early. The waitress brought us both a beer. My buddy was intrigued. There were a couple of 30-somethings playing pool in the back room. My blues buddy was intrigued. The house band was great. There was more talent on the stage than I’ve seen in a long time. An olive skinned guy with a ponytail came up and played harmonica. He was superb. We were really getting into the music.
The waitress came back to see if we wanted to reorder. My friend made a very clumsy attempt at flirting. The waitress very adroitly side stepped the flirt and left the young doctor sheepish. “I haven’t done this for a while, I guess.”
During the second beer my friend opened up. He met his wife in school. They were both medical students at the time and decided to get married. They finished, did their residencies and she had a couple of kids along the way. And then one day she told him that she didn’t love him. She had never loved him. She was lesbian and had a relationship with her lover before she and my friend met in school. The marriage was one of convenience.
Devastated was what he was. Still. “I can’t believe she never loved me.” “I can’t believe she was acting the whole time.” He recalled trying to find a way to hold the marriage together. “What do you say? ‘Honey I’ll try to do better?’ “
He was such a nice guy and I wondered who asked for the first date. Who proposed? He needed a course in teaching confidence as opposed to bravado.
Buddy Guy dropped by and demonstrated how the BEST play. There was no thought. The music just flowed straight to the tips of his fingers from somewhere in his musical soul.
One of the “thirty-somethings” in the back came out and proceeded to dance with the star as he played. He never missed a lick and the two demonstrated what confidence looks like.
I had a great time. It was one of those musical experiences that stays with you. We had to be in lecture early so we didn’t close the place down.
We talked more as the week went on, about his work, his partners at work, his kids and what he planned to do as he got his personal life sorted out. We talked about staying in touch, but we didn’t.
My take away from all of this was:
Buddy Guy’s is a topnotch club, and he is a hell of a musician.
Chicago is a great city to visit.
It’s too bad that gays and lesbians have to construct elaborate double lives that require them to lie and hurt other people.
I’m happy that the president and vice-president have come out in support of open, committed, loving relationships, including those between those of the same sex. And that the president has revealed his own “evolution” in his thought about this whole topic.
There will be many who are critical of the president, and they will have many reasons for being critical.
The important thing, as I see it, is that there is a continuing dialogue; a dialogue that is in the open, unfettered by political correctness. And, I’m encouraged that the majority of Americans have begun to understand that another person’s sexual preference doesn’t affect them.
As a commentator put it a couple of days ago, “Being gay is natural. Hating gays is a lifestyle choice.”
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Irene Barnett
Lea Lane
Thoth
Barbara Joanne
Paul J. O'Rourke
skypixie0
Salon.com
Comments
I kept my mouth shut. I don't argue with stupid.
No one has the right to deny human rights to anyone else.
and that last sentence you wrote speaks to me. TY.
Hypocrisy at the social and governmental level is really what the Revolt of 1776 is all about, when you get right down to it. The pretense that you have representation, that you have rights and that all those could simply be taken away by someone with more titular power than you in that moment, because they seem to have more sway, politically, socially and legally than you.
This is called, in simplest terms, the power of tyranny. In today's fight for Civil Equality it has become the tyranny of the many over the few. A large bloc of voters are being fear-mongered and morality-baited into effectively casting out a portion of the citizenry -- Because they CAN and for no other bonafide answer.
This is how it starts -- well usually. IN other cases, the path to our reduction of liberties and rights begins with invasion of privacy and the enactment of legislation that seeks to curb our rights -- oh shit, that's already happened too! The Patriot Act essentially does the same thing from another angle by authorizing higher Presidential Power (and before you REPUBLICANS start bashing Obama for that, remember that "Dubya" and Co. are the engineers of the machinery that let's Obama literally get away with murder of foreigners without civil recourse or due process.
The invasion of our privacy really took a speed up when, included in the Patriot Act the provisions for more warrantless wiretapping, including American Citizens on American soil as long as the secret information (or lack, we don't know, it's "secret" so they don't have to show us a damn thing as proof) is scary enough to justify their illegal practices. While I am sure Obama uses it, too, the "Decider" and his team of Roving Republicans whispered that into effect.
So yeah, all those things are important to combat as people who love liberty and recognize, as did Benjamin Franklin that, "Those who would trade necessary liberties for a temporary sense of security, deserve neither liberty nor security."
Equality of Civil and Social Rights, though, trumps even those cards, scary as they are. Without social equality in the eyes of the law, the laws of the land and the right to be who and what you are (within the confines of "Your Right to Do As You Please Ends Somewhere Between Your Hand and My Nose") without having to hide, suffer a complete lack of benefits the majority simply take for granted and to constantly sneak, dissemble and carry a false mask of a persona because others don't like that you have a different set of sexual wiring.
I am not gay, but I am happy that (FINALLY) the highest Officeholder in the Nation had the good sense to do what's right, regardless of the additional political wrangling, investment and risk associated with doing so -- for good or ill to his career.
A President should provide vision and direction not just for government, but for the Will and Conscience of the People as well. In my opinion, anything less is failing to uphold the Oath of Office to "...support and defend the Constitution from all threats, foreign or domestic." I feel that any law, social contract or legislation that serves to deny any citizen "equal protections under the law" is a violation of that oath. As such, it's about damn time the President stood firm and provided a sane voice in support of everyone having the same rights. It's kind of almost like reading the Declaration of Independance, you know, that part about:
We hold these truths to be self-evident:
That all Men are created Equal,
That they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights,
That among these are the rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
It really doesn't get much simpler or clearer than that, does it?
--r--
His views "evolved". When i first heard this, i thought,
Obama is truly sticking it to them, using that word "evolve".
Evolution AND gay marriage, you silly twits.
Is he consciously trying to enrage the
so called "conservative churches"
(conserving the values of the 13th century..and those are the good ones...)
?
I like the quote very much.Exceptional wordplay.
Dialogue is very much to be applauded.
Except...you put it quite well...what is the point of nattering on
about something that does not in any damn way affect you,
someone else's sexuality?
of the 13th century, like Aquinas , etcc..
the sillyhead churches ?
hardly even as civilized as the Roman Empire...
where at least they accepted , sort of, a spectrum of religious beliefs.
No gay marriage in the Roman Empire, tho..
The Greeks? Yikes.
I hope his words are genuine, as much for those he is now explicitly supporting as for him.
Lezlie
Mission it is hard to hold your tongue when being harangued by Stupid. You are to be commended. :)
duniteowl - as you point out this is about a policy that limits the rights of individuals. The passing of Amendment 1 in N.C. tuesday was a dark day for the state. I think that eventually this will be reversed in the same way that laws prohibiting interracial marriage were reversed. There just has to be enough awareness and a critical mass of those opposing the limitation of rights to empower the courts and legislaturese to act appropriately.
Several of you expressed doubt about Obama's sincerity. My own opinion - for all that that is worth - is that the Prez is cautious and holds his political capital close to his chest. Consequently, he has not acted in the fully progressive way that many of us have wanted. I think he was somewhat idealistic in thinking that he could fix the current broken way that congress doesn't work. As a result he gave up too much trying to achieve compromise. I hope he never has to bargain for a car.
@myriad: I am not Canadian, but I, too, have known and been friends with lost of gays and lesbians @ least the last 30 years. Although I, too, have become bored with the conversation, I do remember that my first exposure when I was in my early twenties - I am now in my late 60's - left me cautiously curious. Through the years that followed I was fortunate to become know many couples and singles who shared their journey with me. My opinion was one that evolved - I doubt seriously that in 1964 when I went to my first gay bar in Little Rock - The Brown Jug - I'd have said I was in favor of gay marriage. However, I was never afraid of or frightened by anyone else's life style and never thought that they and their behavior said anything about me or who I was or was not. I certainly never confused one life path or another with mine.
I am glad that the Prez and the Vprez have completed their evolution and feel comfortable with gay marriage. This is an issue that it will look better in a few years to have been, now, on the side of freedom for all to pick their spouse.
Very well said, escrito. Life could and should be so much simpler and people happier if this weren't so. That commentator's words are right on the mark. Thank you for sharing this experience.
My motto is: "Live and let live".
R♥
Anne, I remember the Brown Jug. Little Rock is exceptional in so many ways. I have great memories from there.
I live in one of the most conservative places in the country now and have conservative friends who have introduced us to gay couples who are now friends. The times they are achangin'.
"It’s too bad that gays and lesbians have to construct elaborate double lives that require them to lie and hurt other people."
I have to comment on: I know two people who married as if straight, lied to their spouses, and hid their sexuality for many years. The wife of one nearly committed suicide as a result of the pain of having been lied to and manipulated for nearly 15 years. I don't believe that anyone is forced to marry and create a relationship built on lies. Being subjected to bigotry is not a free pass to marry in deception...
Still rated. For telling the truth.