Victor Schwartz
- Location
- Hollywood, California, USA
- Birthday
- April 09
- Title
- Minister of Running Up Stairs Two at a Time Flinging the Door Open and Saying 'Ha Ha Caught You Mildred'
- Bio
- My name is Victor and I'm a young man (lets just say I have an ego beyond my years), a New York native who grew up in Vermont and is now living two blocks from Hollywood Boulevard. I'm surprisingly no longer single, but I'm still the same cynical, wittily comedic, actor with a deep seated interest in psychology and philosophy (I've been likened to Nietzsche more times than I can count). I like the band RUSH way too much, and am thoroughly engrossed in music. Oh yeah, and I write stuff for fun.
(All prose and short stories are copyright Victor Schwartz 2012 unless otherwise stated)
MY RECENT POSTS
- Just When I Thought Even He
Couldn't Be THAT Stupid...
March 31, 2012 01:06AM - Santorum: A Definition
March 27, 2012 05:56PM - Why OS is the Best Use of Your
Internets
March 26, 2012 01:57PM - Yet Another Sad Case of
Content Over Message
January 27, 2011 02:58AM - We Walk This Road: Album
Review
June 24, 2010 10:15PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Haha, thanks dearie. To
be fair I have been away for
some
time now, but it's
amaz…”
March 31, 2012 01:41AM - “The title is the most
important part of a good book!
You got
a keeper there
Rob.…”
March 31, 2012 12:52AM - “It wasn't an April fools
day prank, but I think the
best
prank I ever pulled
was…”
March 30, 2012 12:12PM - “That's hilarious. I
always wondered how the
Republicans were
planning on
actually…”
March 29, 2012 10:01PM - “That's a helluva good
painting there D. And just two
from the
finish line! Way
to…”
March 29, 2012 09:53PM
Victor Schwartz's Links
MARCH 31, 2012 1:15AM
Just When I Thought Even He Couldn't Be THAT Stupid...
Well, sure enough, just days after my post
about all the reasons Rick Santorum shouldn't be a viable
candidate, he delivers another stunner. He must've read it and gone
"psh. Is that really the worst of it?" This is literally so stupid
I thought it was a link from the… Read full post »
MARCH 27, 2012 6:01PM
Santorum: A Definition
He was the Senator of Pennsylvania from
1995 - 2007, and is currently running to be the President of the
United States. Here is how this happened. The Republican party
announced that Mitt Romney and Ron Paul were both going to run.
Then they looked at each other and… Read full post »
MARCH 26, 2012 1:57PM
Why OS is the Best Use of Your Internets
I understand that it has been over a year since my last post. I am aware that for a significant amount of time before that I was spotty at best. There's nothing I regret more.
"You should read my blog. I started it in high school"
"Really? You know I had… Read full post »
JANUARY 27, 2011 3:00AM
Yet Another Sad Case of Content Over Message
The British rock band Dire Straits (one of my personal favorites), has been around since 1977. One of their many hit singles, Money For Nothing, has been on the airwaves since it's release in 1985. But now, after 25 years of play on the air, the/
… Read full post »
JUNE 24, 2010 10:30PM
We Walk This Road: Album Review
He stood up from his beaten, carefully
taped together wooden chair, behind the cherry red finished Jackson
steel guitar, and said to us out in the crowd with a smile, "Am I
sweatin too much? I apologize, truth is, I've had a fever all day,
but I just had… Read full post »
JUNE 19, 2010 2:39AM
American Idle: Energy Reform and the Gulf Spill
A few of you here on OS have been following me
long enough to remember one of my earlier posts about Glenn
Beck where he breaks down and cries about his "9-12" project, where
he details how and why he thinks we should all strive to be the
unified, decisive nation… Read full post »
JUNE 14, 2010 10:40PM
How Could Anyone Have Known?
I was having a pleasant discussion about
politics with someone today, and they said a very interesting thing
to me. We were discussing the current spill in the Gulf of Mexico,
as it has recently been announced that it is driving sharks out of
their natural feeding areas and towards the… Read full post »
DECEMBER 3, 2009 3:12AM
Published-ish
As a couple of you may recall, I began on OS
with simple short stories, entirely fictional, and was purely here
to gain insight into writing via other's stories and critical
feedback. The internet is a place where we don't have to worry
about physical consequences to what comes out of… Read full post »
NOVEMBER 25, 2009 11:05PM
Starlight (and an update on my not-here-ness)
They were lying on top of a picnic table, staring up at the stars. The small pinpricks of light shone as though someone had fired buckshot on a black sheet, and draped it over a spotlight. The moon was waxing, but it wasn’t full yet. The great gibbous stared down… Read full post »
OCTOBER 15, 2009 10:58PM
Studio 208
So my folks wanted to see my new place, so here you have it. The main room is about 15'x20'.
TV, PS3, Wii (man-cave), fridge, and closet
Table, Chairs, and roomie's computer
Bunks, Last one in (me) gets top bunk :P… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 12, 2009 9:46PM
Just a Heads Up
Lately, many of you may (or may not) have
noticed that I haven't been around. This is for two very good
reasons. Reason one: I have two jobs now trying to save up as much
money as possible, which is seriously cutting into my time for
R&R. Reason two: I want… Read full post »
AUGUST 21, 2009 3:03PM
New From Scotland: "I Can't Believe It's Not Bullshit!"
I dunno if you've heard this or not, but
Scotland is now officially the Western Worlds' retarded cousin. I'm
going to try and tell you what happened, but I hafta go fast,
because if there are any pauses during which my brain can process
what I am saying, my poor cerebrum… Read full post »
AUGUST 5, 2009 11:30PM
Why I Need A Dog
People suck. I can't stand people. I have been
trying for a while to change this opinion, to become a social
person, but I just can't get around the facts. I wanted to be
popular when I was younger, to have people appreciate me, to be
everyone's pal. As I grew… Read full post »
JULY 30, 2009 9:53PM
How The Scottish Conan Guy Is Saving Late-Night TV
It's late at night, and the networks are all
broadcasting their talk shows that have become a who's who of
upcoming movies and bands. But after watching these shows for a
while now, I've come to a conclusion: With the notable exception of
Craig Ferguson, they suck major wind.
Letterman… Read full post »
JULY 27, 2009 7:29PM
Old Dog, New Tricks
He was born 5 days before me. Well, 5 days and
26 years before me. He started off as a promising actor, but
developed problems with alcohol and other substances. Many people
didn't think he'd ever return to the big screen. And yet he
has.
Robert Downey Jr. has become… Read full post »
JULY 22, 2009 10:55PM
Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't
As many of you know already, I am headed
across the country in a couple of months to begin life as a college
student. However, something has happened back home, and I'm afraid
it's time for me to look toolder, wiser folks for advice. Asking
for input is not something my… Read full post »
JULY 20, 2009 2:03PM
Death or Glory
June 10, 2008
The sweat ran down his forhead. The Jeep
bounced across the rugged terrain, and the four passengers bounced
with it. The radio blared, some hard rock. Typical.
His back hurt. Damn Dos Equis.
* * *
JULY 15, 2009 11:27PM
8 Artists That Aren't As Popular (now) As They Should Be
So music is a passion of mine, as moany of you
know, but my taste in music is generally considered suspect.
Usually I just get weird looks when I give people the name of a
band or artist, and I suddenly realized, I should stop blowing
these folks off. So here,… Read full post »
JULY 10, 2009 11:08PM
A Defense of the Graphic Novel Against Old Literature Prudes
I was caught by a friend of mine the other day
reading my well-thumbed copy of the graphic novel From
Hell. I was shocked by what they had to say.
"Dude, you still read comics?"
I could have slapped her. Nuthin to it, just a
flick of the wrist.… Read full post »
JULY 5, 2009 10:31PM
The Name's Fail. Epic, Fail.
Have you ever wanted to be a spy? John Sawers
did. And unlike you, John Sawers became a spy. Unless of course,
you are a spy. If you are, then you are already better at your job
than John Sawers. You see, while you were out doing your secret spy
shit… Read full post »
JULY 3, 2009 10:21PM
Who Cares?
Given all the press that the recent rash of
celebrities joining the Pearly Gates Club, I have to bring forth a
point that I do every single time someone famous dies: why do you
care? Unless you knew said celebrity personally, then it's just
another dead guy. Don't these people get… Read full post »
JUNE 25, 2009 8:28PM
I am Now Officially Entitled
Rather than made snide remarks about the
recent advent of advertisments or making some glib memorial about
the most well known of the Jackson Five, I decided to just relax a
little bit and watch some good old fashioned comedy. For this, I
turn to my trustworthy 16 DVD box set… Read full post »
JUNE 21, 2009 10:37PM
Five Guns That Are Clearly Compensating for a Tiny Penis
A warning: This is a pitch I sent in to Cracked.Com as an article. It is, rude, and at times lewd. I think it's pretty funny, but it isn't for the easily offended. Read at your own risk :D
We’ve all seen that douche-bag acting macho at the local… Read full post »
JUNE 18, 2009 10:33PM
Go Directly to Life:Do Not Pass Physics, Do Not Collect $200
Okay, that's a little misleading. I think I
got, like, a C in physics, but anything below a B is failing to me,
so whatever. June 18th, 2009. Never again shall I set foot in my
high school. I'll never again get called into the office because
the internet is… Read full post »
JUNE 12, 2009 1:47PM
The Greatest of Men
And so he hangs,
by feet and hands,
upon those criss crossed wooden bands.
Dying for us,
so they say,
in desert lands so far away.
yet what we've gained,
from the story told,
is that every life can still be sold.
Why should we bother,
why should we try,
when… Read full post »
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