I don't think it's just the rain. At least, it's not only the rain (though this summer has been and continues to be ridiculously rainy; it's raining as I write.) I don't like summer as much as I used to (and summer has always been my favorite season.)

Of course, when you're a child, it's natural to like summer best. There's no school and you don't have to work yet. As a child in the 1970s, my summers weren't limited by any structure at all. I spent most days at the playground or the local swimming pool. If it rained, I would stay in my room and read or draw pictures. Once in a while, for a real treat, our parents would give me and my brother money to go to the movies...

As a young adult, even without summer vacation (and with the frustration of being stuck behind a desk at a boring day job when I longed to be out in the sun) I still liked summer best. The weather alone was reason enough for someone as outdoorsy as I (yes, even in the city.) There was a carnival atmosphere that I loved, especially with the proliferation of street fairs (some New Yorkers hate those but I can't get enough of them.) As an actress, I also started doing outdoor summer theater productions, and enjoyed those even more than I enjoyed performing indoors. It was so exciting to be in the parks, where nature was part of the "set" and anything could happen. There was the time, whe, while acting in a musical for children, I was doing a dance number and, at my featured moment, a woman (yes, a woman) in the audience pointed at me  and shouted, "That's the way I like my women; light and sweeeeeeeeet!" There was the time, a few years later, when we were doing "Twelfth Night" in Central Park. A rat ran across our platform, and the actor playing Fabian took his bottle (it was one of the many drinking scenes) and threw it at the rat, getting it out of our way without missing a beat or a line...

Later, I found ways to be outside in the summer even when I wasn't performing. I got day jobs that allowed me to escape from those dreaded desks, by doing childcare (yay, playgrounds!) singing telegrams, street promotions and messenger work. And so, I continued to revel in summer. I looked forward to it all year long. In my mind, I called it "Sumputuous Summer." It was the dessert of the year. Actually, it was the cherry on top of the whipped cream on the ice cream sundae of the year!

Anyway, I don't think it's just the rain but...I've started to realize that I don't really love summer so much anymore. I'm actually looking forward to fall. Why? That's the big question.

I think part of the reason I've stopped loving summer so much is the fact that, somehow, it has come to be filled with obligations. It's my most over-scheduled time of year. This summer, in addition to doing my summer work in the seminary office, my pastoral duties at church on Sundays, caring for my friend's baby one day per week,teaching my writing workshop one evening per week, and performing in "A Midsummer Night's Dream," I've had social engagements (with friends, family or both) nearly every weekend. And there were some social engagements I would have liked but just couldn't make time for. I wanted to have dinner with my Dad but we couldn't find a single Friday, Saturday or Sunday evening when both were free. I suggested a week night but he works until 8:00 or 8:30 most nights (he's a lawyer) and I didn't want to have a week night dinner at 9:30 or 10:00, so, we just never made a plan. That's what summer is like. Everyone I know is booked up to the eyeballs, especially on weekends. I have friends who really wanted to see me in "Midsummer" but couldn't find a free evening to attend, even though the show ran for a month...

Last Thursday, we had our end-of-summer planning meeting at the seminary. It was so exciting to think about what we'd be doing in the coming school year, and to receive the class list with my new students' names.  Last night, I did my final performance of this summer (a one-shot show with my radio theater company.) Next week, I'll be teaching the last session of my summer writing workshop (which has gone well, though I couldn't talk my students into starting blogs on OS.) Ignatz and I will spend the very last weekend of August in the Catskills. The only real down-time for either of us (and time that I'm sure we'll really enjoy, even if it does rain.) In other words, summer is coming to and end, its loose ends being tied-up in preparation for fall and, for the first time in years, I feel like fall just can't come soon enough for me. I'm eager to be back with the two little girls I care for as an after school nanny, to meet my next class of seminarians and start work with them and...for the rest of my life to just bloody well settle into a routine. 

I don't know whether there was anything I could have done differently. I have to find ways to replace income in the summer, since the after school childcare provides about half of what I earn. So, I do that by juggling other endeavors. The writing workshop, the play and the baby care were my ways of pieceing together enough money. And yes, the writing workshop and the play were creative endeavors that I enjoyed. It was just the multiplicity and the juggling that made it all feel so stressful and exhausting (especially when combined with summer social life pressures.)

Anyway, I'm really hoping I can find ways to make next summer a bit slower and more contemplative. I want to spend more time in the country (as well as enjoying outdoors in the city) and less time dashing about on buses and subways, from one part time gig to the next. I want to have at least a few weekends with no plans, except for my Sunday church doings. I wonder whether all of that is an impossible dream. But there's plenty of time, yet, to think about next summer. For now, I'll just say "bring on fall!"