Eva T. Made Vaudeville

Eva T. Made Vaudeville
New York, New York, USA
April 25
Reverend Mother (yes, for real!)
Interfaith Minister/Progressive Episcopal priest.Actress, poet, essayist; fitness freak/geek. Part time acting and dance teacher. Writer for various LGBTQ publications (from my bisexual perspective.) Bronze level competitive ballroom dancer.Extreme Cat Person.Native New Yorker who is madly in love with my city. Currently living in Dyker Heights, Brooklyn and missing Manhattan a lot. Married to my Beloved, the fair Lady Lucia, who works, with me, for the God Squad and for our feline employers, Alice and Gracie.Daughter of some-time OS blogger, Rosy Cheeks.

Eva T. Made Vaudeville's Links

No links in this category.
FEBRUARY 2, 2013 11:54AM

Wedding Belles Still Sing Some Blues

Rate: 4 Flag

It's been exactly a week since our beautiful, wonderful little Trixie made her transition to what my old friend, "Madame X," called, "another address." We talk about her and miss her every day but at least the constant bouts of tears (which lasted, for both of us, about 48 hours) have slowed to a trickle once or twice per day.  We are searching for the right kitten to be Alice's "little grasshopper," since it's clear that she needs cat company as well as ours. Alice has been extra-extra cuddly this week (even more than what I'd considered normal for her.) She's spending lots of time on my lap (in fact, she's on it as I write) and purring under the covers in the mornings. It has been SO hard to get up and go to work when there's such a warm little cat in the bed with me!

Lady Lucia left early this morning for a training day with the Civil Air Patrol. She'll be back in time for dinner this evening; then get up and do another godawful early morning tomorrow! I'm proud of Lady L but...better her than me!

I will leave sweet Alice for a little while today in order to ride a 'bus to downtown Brooklyn, where I will attend an "adoption event" hosted by a local animal shelter. While it's not likely that I'll find a female Siamese kitten (plenty of them end up in shelters but it's just not "kitten season" right now) I figure it's worth a try. 'Though Lady Lucia would rather be with me, she has authorized me to do the adoption on my own if I should happen to find the kitten we're seeking at this event. If I do, you will, of course, receive a report! And if I don't, well, I will still have gotten out of the apartment for a while and spent some time with wonderful cats and dogs (I will, of course, give a donation to the shelter, too, if I don't actually adopt today.)

Now about the "Wedding Belles" of my title...a few days ago I did something I would never have imagined doing (especially considering my history of divorce); I proposed marriage to Lady Lucia and she said yes. We are already Registered Domestic Partners and have had a committment ceremony in our church and, at the time same-sex marriage became legal in New York, we felt that what we had was enough for us. I'd been thinking for a while, though, that getting legally married might be a good idea and the thought had been getting more and more persistent in my brain as I read about the fast pace of progress in the marriage equality movement. There are now 9 states with marriage equality and several more have bills in the works. There's a decent chance the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) may be overturned this year, which would allow same-sex married couples federal benefits.  And the military (which most civilians - self included before I got involved with Lady L - think of as such a conservative institution) has made enormous strides in terms of accepting and supporting the same-sex marriages of its members.  This could be very helpful to us in the future, in terms of allowing me military family health benefits and even making it possible for us to live together on a military base (retired veterans can do that) at some point... There's also the fact that, because of the rather sadly extreme disparity in our incomes, being married to me could be a tax benefit for Lady L (though only on state taxes at this point.)

So, those are all the practical reasons for wanting to make the conversion from Domestic Partners to Spouses (neither of us likes the word "Wife," so "Spouse" is what we'll probably use most of the time.) The emotional reasons for my asking (and Lady L's accepting) are more complex. For me, the desire to be as committed as possible was exacerbated by the emotions stirred up in the wake or Trixie's death, which intensified my sense of "family." Going through that trauma with her and all that it entailed (the two of us picking up our Trixie's little body and lowering it into a bag to take to the vet's office for cremation - taking turns carrying that sad bag - riding back in the car, hands clutched and tears streaming) seemed to be the actions of a married couple. This was a family tragedy. It just intensified my desire for us to be family (in times of joy as well as sorrow) in every way that we can be.

One nice thing about having another ceremony (Lady L agrees) is that it gives us a "do-over." Our church ceremony was held the day after Lady L's mother's death (April 28th 2012.) We went ahead with it because people had been invited and were traveling, we'd bought food for the simple reception and...it just seemed the right thing to do. But there was such a shadow over all of it, which was exacerbated by the fact that Lady L had to leave for Florida the next morning (leaving me alone for a week) in order to take care of her mother's funeral arrangements. So, now we get to make a new anniversary. We're not going to have a big "do" (we didn't before either; it was very small and informal) but of course it will be a celebration. We'll go to City Hall and get a license and the have one of our many clergy friends do the ceremony; possibly in someone's home or outdoors; still figuring all of that out but we're going to try for a Spring or Summer date. More on that as we make our decisions and plans...

Let me leave youse with another picture of gorgeous Trixie, in "Adventure Cat" mode...

trixie atop book shelf 

 Blessings and well-wishes as ever!

Eva T.




Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
How wonderful that I get to be the first one to tell my Brooklyn girls how much I love them and how happy their joy makes me. I have no problem understanding how the recent sadness in your lives became a turning point in expanding the love you have for one another and I am happy that finally you will be able to share in all the benefits and recognition awarded to the rest of us when we choose to legally tie our bonds of love. So, let me be the first of the many that will certainly follow in my best wishes for everything happy and loving in the years to come. Let your being together make the bad things a little less painful and the good things more joyful then ever......yes, just for being together.
EosyMama: I hoped you'd get here first! That's why I emailed to alert you. I'm so glad (but not surprised) that this news pleases you!
I am so glad that in the midst of you and Lady L's sorrow about Trixie's untimely passing, some good things are happening- like chutes of flowers coming out of frozen earth. First of all, I think it's wonderful that you want to help another cat by giving it a home, and secondly, I think it's even cooler that regardless of if you find a cat to adopt or not, you'll make a donation to the shelter. And what exciting news about you and Lady Lucia's deciding to get married! Congratulations! It really is strange how tragedy can sometimes show us the good things in our lives, like your loving, supportive relationship. I wish you guys all the best.
Alyssa: It's good to know that you understand all this stuff. There were no kittens at the shelter today; just adult cats. They were beautiful and adorable and I wanted every one of them but I have enough cat experience to know that only a kitten (and only one who looks like a relative) will be comforting to Alice. She would perceive an adult (or cat of another breed) as a threat. So, the search continues (yes, I made a donation) and Alice is back on my lap!
Eva ~ congrats on your choice to celebrate your union again. The untimely and shocking death of my boy kitty a few weeks ago is still hard to think about, but in the time that has passed his sister (a litter mate) has made her supremacy supreme in the household and who knew she would become Queen of All She Surveys in Max's absence? I've always had brother-sister pairs of kittens when starting over with pets, but in this instance it would be poor judgement to bring another pet into the house now. Mini is in her element, not mopey, not crying, and seemingly satisfied with her solo life. Something to consider, as a new kitten brought into a house with an adult cat can be ... not good. I'm just saying, make sure it's not for YOU. If it is for you, at least be aware of that, and the problems you may encounter in bringing in a kitten (and there is no evidence at all to support your assumption that your cat would 'prefer' another Siamese. In fact, Siamese are known for their solitary tendencies. )
Gabby Abby: We're definitely not seeking a kitten "for us." Of course we love cats and would love any cat who came our way but it's not as if one cat isn't "enough" for me and Lady L. We know our Alice and we can tell that she's not "happy ruling the roost." She loves us (and the attention) but she is not solitary. She was very affectionate and playful with her sister and it's clear that she misses having a feline playmate/snuggle-mate. Lady Lucia and I have both had cats all our lives and Lady L's have cats have (all but one) been Siamese. All of Lady L's experience and study of Siamese has taught her that they are more likely to form attachments to cats of somewhat similar appearance, even if not exactly the same breed. So...thanks for the good wishes but we do know what we're doing here.
It seems things come in bunches.. some mixed with the good and bad. In Canada gay marriage has been legal for quite a few years so I hope your wish comes true with legality.
Nothing but the best and good luck with the hunt for a kitten.
Linda: Thanks for your good wishes and HUGGGGGGGS for you, too!
I am so very happy for you both! Love is love and family is family and I am just so glad you two found each other...
I also was pleased to see you offering a forever home to another lonely kitten. I would have so many more than I do if I could afford them, but the feral at work that has adopted me is female and while I had her fixed, she only comes to me, I would not know how to introduce her to my 4 needy boys one of which is on my lap as I write. I have all the faith you will know her when you see her and again may I say congratulations!
LunchLady2: Thanks for your good wishes and for getting it (all of it.) I guess you do have lots of kitty cat love in your life! They are such beautiful blessings.