I watch Reality TV for many reasons.  First and most obvious, the reality.  Second, to keep up with my friends from the mythical island of White Trash, New Jersey.  Sort of like a Narnia, only you settle all your arguments by punching people in the face.

But really, I watch it for the same reason everyone else does: to see insanely un-self-aware people pontificate their crazy-ass world view.

These people vary widely in their backgrounds and romantic ties to Miley Cyrus's mom.  But if I had to come with one most crucial quality Tila Tequila, Snookie, and Amarosa all share, it's that -- for all the crazy, incoherent, dogmatic psycho and the general lack of basic life skills -- they know, deep down, that they will never be President.

Therein lies the basic flaw of "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

The TLC show centers around former Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin, whose hobbies include family, Alaska, drawing passionate analogies between her love for her family and her love of Alaska, an inhuman enthusiasm for everything and, of course, Alaska. And family.  And "work ethic." And Alaska. 

Bristol Palin isn't there so much.  Possibly because she is fox-trotting with one of the original New Kids, we cannot be sure. 

Highlights include:
The Palin family rowing a boat up to a bunch of scary wild bears, fresh from the TLC prop department
Sarah scaling a giant ice cravasse and saying, "That's a deep dark crack down there!"
Sarah complaining about her lack of privacy to the 50 cameras shoved in her face. 

Really, though, "Sarah Palin's Alaska" gives us a new appreciation for the Palin family, which tirelessly pretends that Sarah is not talking to 90,000 people at all times.  Examples:
(upon seeing a brown bear, cheerfully): "I love bears. They've got a nature human kind can learn from!"
(upon completing a task, cheerfully): "It's so worth it to put forth the effort!"
(upon visiting a Native American fish compound, cheerfully): "I'm excited to see this beautiful native village!"

Speaking of which, "Sarah Palin's Alaska" has a lot more to do with gutting and processing fish than one might have hoped.  Like Willow Palin's Sweet 16, which -- like all Sweet 16s -- was celebrated by gutting and processing fish.  And "Track" Palin, Sarah Palin's 21-year-old son, who proved he was a man to his father via gutting and processing fish.  Sort of Northern Exposure meets meets Finding Nemo, if -- instead of being found -- Nemo were gutted and processed by Sarah's youngest daughter, Piper.

So in the end, "Sarah Palin's Alaska" is a cheerful, weirdly pro-fish television show starring a woman who looks like Tina Fey and is nervous.  Probably because she owes money to the Fish Mafia, who -- unless she talks about fish at all times -- will break her arms and legs.

As for us, we should all bow down and give thanks to the batshit crazy people who selflessly sacrifice any future dignity for the sake of slightly alleviating our boredom. Because real reality TV -- like apple pie or Amy Adams's slightly uglier best friend -- is an American Institution.

Though I did enjoy the episode where the family went fishing in Bristol Bay.  That's how babies are made!