Evan Kessler

Evan Kessler
Location
Brooklyn, New York, USA
Birthday
November 04
Bio
I am an American Fool. I was born in a small town and I can breathe in a small town. Come on baby make it hurt so good. Sometimes love don't feel like it should.

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NOVEMBER 18, 2009 2:08PM

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Rate: 22 Flag

I'm not one for skilled first date small talk.  I too often err on the side of the irreverent.  While some potential mates want to talk about career, ambition and strength of familial relations during that getting to know all about you phase ; my affections are ultimately won over by the ability to engage in conversations bordering on ridiculous, hypothetical and sometimes slightly disturbing.

Sometimes this penchant for whimsical and  philosophical discussion gives way to uncomfortable moments.  On one such date, after being grilled about things mostly sentimental in nature, I took the hint of an awkward silence to pose a pertinent (or impertinent to some) quandary to the member of the opposite sex on the opposite side of the table as she slowly sipped her second lager of the evening:

"If you had to have sex with any member of the same sex, who would it be?"  

 This to me has always been a valid question that offers valuable insight into a person's thought process. Granted it wasn't a question that I had really ever asked anyone on a date, but weeks later it would inspire a nearly two-hour long debate amongst friends at a dinner party.

 On this occasion however, my date took the opportunity to pause and reflect or as any mildly-skilled interpreter of human reaction might say, deflect the question entirely. I took her silence as my cue to give my answer.

 

news_georgeclooney5

 

"Personally, if I had to be taken by another man. I would probably be okay if it were one of two people; Paul Newman (alive at the time) or George Clooney.  It's just the fact that both of them are so damn charming; real man's men. They'd tell you to get undressed and you'd probably want to at that point. It wouldn't be forceful and at the end you'd have been romanced into doing it.  And as long as there's romance and that melting feeling, I'm generally okay with it.  Because in the end it's Clooney...and hey, Paul Newman!  Not bad right?"

Crickets.

"So...yeah...Clooney and Newman are my two."

 Crickets.

 The conversation never really recovered and the girl left when the final sip was drained from her glass, but from what I could surmise my date didn't have much of a sense of humor and was looking to get married in the next five months to someone who looked at life in the most sobering fashion and wasn't secure enough in their sexuality to hypothetically give their flower to a deserving member of the same sex.  

I'm not seeing anyone right now, but if I were they'd have to have a healthy and lustful appreciation for anyone from Natalie Portman to Oprah Winfrey, because I could see reasons for women to be attracted to either. 

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Comments

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I think it's a great question! I might try it at the family Thanksgiving dinner next week!

And yes, good taste. (And I'm glad you qualified that Paul Newman had to be living for it to be a go.)
I may be many things, but a necrophiliac is not one of them.
This sounds like a perfect topic for an Open Call!
that may be, but then I've already told my story. That's why I'm putting it under the Sexiest Man Alive 2009 one, because I think Clooney, unless he gets into some sort of accident involving a facial deformity, will always be up there.
Another well-deserved EP--this one had me cracking up! But I have never quite understood the Clooney thing--there's just something about him that's too perfect. I'm clearly in the minority here.
Love this. That girl doesn't know what she missed- a man who's secure in his sexuality is very sexy. And Clooney could seduce anyone on the planet. I'm convinced.
For us gay guys, it's always heartening to see that there really is such a thing as The Enlightened Modern Straight Guy. Kudos for your open-mindedness and confidence; I agree with the poster who said your date didn't know what she was missing out on.
Great article. Keep up the irreverent conversations. The world needs more of them. I like your Mellencamp quotes -- that's enough for me to put you on my favorites list! And Karin! You are not the only one. I thought I was! I keep telling people that there is something about Clooney I don't trust, and they just look at me like I'm an alien creature or something.
That's a great new/early date question. And, as you saw, it does weed out the ones who wouldn't fit in anyway. We are way too constricted in our gender roles IMNSHO, so this was fabulous.

My old question was, "If you could rate your sexual proclivities on a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is must have sex with the lights off and never remove your nighties and 10 is stops short of animals, what number would you give yourself?"

Inevitably the braggadocio would follow, "Well I'm a 9.9, baby!"

"Oh," I would reply mildly, "so you're into fisting, golden showers, and scat?"

"What's that?" they'd ask.

"Well if you don't know, that would probably make you about a 5 or a 6 then. I'm about an 8 or 8 1/2 and believe me, we 8s KNOW what lies between 8 and 10!"

May not have been fun for them, but it was fun for me! ;-)
Cute conversation starter. But what do you do if your date's bisexual?
Peter Ustinov and David Niven! There - I've said it! Perhaps it's time for the world to see through this brittle carapace of uncompromising machismo!
Hilarious. I could hear the crickets all the way across the ocean.
WTF? Was she disappointed that you were not homophobic?
the question forces you to actually think if you dont have the mahu gene yourself ... hmm, OK depending on what you wanted to try it would be either a legal Jonas brother or Shaquille O'Neal.
way to weed out the losers, dude :p
its like right out of a judd apatow/seth rogen movie.
Funny.

Also the comments.

Maybe especially waking's... (Do write about that Thanksgiving dinner afterwards!)
a real man, comfortable with himself....... how rare and refreshing!
loved this....
I am a 60 yo woman, and have been married for 30 years. I think you have impeccable taste and a great sense of both humor and humanity. A woman who would walk out after those statements was not a keeper anyway.