It was a momentous occasion in the Senate today as Republicans took a stand in the form of a strongly-worded letter to their helpless Democrat counterparts stating that no legislation shall pass until more of the nation's tax dollars were pledged to bail out the Yachting and Prostitution industries. While the general state of the economy had been trending downward since George W. Bush's first term in office, the Yachting and Prostitution industries began to flourish as the richest 1% of the nation suddenly and quite inexplicably had more disposable income to invest in expensive yachts and high-priced hookers with whom they could spend time getting orange on those yachts with– ultimately eschewing the incentive to spend such riches on technological innovation or increased employment for the mega-corporations they commanded. 

 Now as America slowly inches towards economic recovery, Republicans have taken a stand, fearing that the improvement and betterment of the nation as a whole through vital legislation will put a stop to the progress of both these stalwart industries. Let us not forget that sailing and prostitution are two of the oldest hallmarks of civilized society. Had it not been for a few errant yacht expeditions, this great nation never would've been founded. And had not a few prostitutes applied their trade so well, Ben Franklin may have never been exposed to countless inspirational muses.

Senator Mitch McConnell and company truly have their finger on the pulse on what our nation's forefathers intended when they envisioned a nation of the people, by the people, and for the people.  You know what's for the people? High-priced hookers and boats. What's not for the people? Spending your money on stuff you don't want to- like infrastructure and making people smarter, healthier and less poor. 

The Republican senators' stance was applauded by Tea Party Nation President, Judson Phillips, who added to it his belief that only people who own yachts and regularly solicit pricey prostitutes should be able to vote.