There's this lady in the cafeteria where I work that sometimes works the grill, and when I go down to get a breakfast sandwich and she's there, I am filled with a sense of dread that makes me wish I had alternatives to cafeteria food.  You see, she's one of those, she's nice.

 I am not your friend, cafeteria lady.  I don't really want to be your friend.  I'm sure you're a lovely person, but frankly, I'm here to order a breakfast sandwich and before I've had my breakfast in the morning I am tired, cranky, and occasionally hung-over.

I don't really think it's fair to rely on food-service professionals for my daily emotional validation, and I don't think any reasonable customer should.  The fact that; clearly, many folks do rely on service and retail professionals for their daily validation and have come to expect that from you is a sad piece of evidence that we are living in an overly narcissistic culture.

But, it's not just the cafeteria lady, there's also this guy at Chipotle who feels he needs to show each and every one of us just how special we are.  Every time I go in, and he's there it's"Heeeyyy, what can I getcha...?" and after every ingredient I specify he's gotta come out with the "Aaaalright." Seriously, who are you, Quagmire or something?  Eventually, he's going to catch me when I'm feeling particularly fed up and I'll be forced to respond, "Well Chip,  a burrito with 90% less unnecessary enthusiasm would be great.  I'm looking for a meal here, not religious enlightenment"  And yes, his name actually is Chip.  Crazy.

 Finally, Steak and Shake.  The only time a normal person goes into a Steak and Shake is either when they have a milkshake craving, or late at night after spending some quality time at the local watering hole.  Steak and Shake wait staff should be:

A) Teenagers or College Kids who are

B) Disaffected and Bordering on Rude

The service should be quick, and it should leave you feeling like noone cares if you're there or not, because, let's face it, the whole 1950's vibe of the place quickly gives one the willies if people there are friendly.  Making people feel like you're about to ask them to drink the special kool-aid is not a good way to earn my repeat business.

Thankfully, this is the service that one normally receives at Steak and Shake, but every once in a while, you'll get a waiter that's downright chipper.

 Dude, I'm already starting to feel a hangover coming.  Just bring me a Chili-Mac.