Christine Macdonald

Writer. Speaker. Recovering Narcissist.

Christine Macdonald

Christine Macdonald
Location
Southern, California, USA
Birthday
November 09
Company
www.poletosoul.com
Bio
Contributing author in The Moment (Harper Collins). Former stripper, current writer working on forthcoming memoir Pour Some Sugar On Me: Tales from an Ex-Stripper. Activist. Public Speaker. Cancer survivor.

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MARCH 25, 2010 3:28PM

Embarrassing Stripper Moments

Rate: 41 Flag

When it comes to strip bars, anything can happen. Here is a list of six embarrassing moments that actually did.

The Flying Stiletto

Twirling on the pole at the edge of the runway stage, my stomach was tight and legs wrapped around in the air. Suddenly my right heel slips off and goes flying in the crowd. I continue to dance with one bare foot (on my tip toe to balance the six inch difference). What a professional.

Gassy Girl

This title is reserved for a petite little Taiwanese gal. She stood all of five feet and her ass sounded like a broken muffler. Talk about little spark plug.

Squirting Stripper

She was a young mother and still breast feeding. Need I say more?

Don't quit your day job

Toward the end of my career at 27, I took a job waiting tables during the week. I cut my stripping hours down to the weekends as I tried to transition to the real world of minimum wage and time cards.

When word got out of my weekend stripping life, all three restaurant managers came in the club to check me out. I was completely naked and bent over taking a tip when I recognized their faces upside down, smiling at me from the front door. I waved hello and continued on stage. From that night on, I always got my requested restaurant shifts.

Electric Tooth

I had a regular customer who came in every Friday afternoon from work. He was an electrician and giggled when he got nervous. A harmless man who I thought was too kind for the strip scene, so I never bothered to tell him about his one discolored, glowing fake tooth. Black lights and dental work do not mix. Remember that one fellas.


Excuse me, I can see…

When anyone is rushed, we can forget our keys, paperwork at the office or our wallet on the dresser. When strippers are rushed (ok, high on coke) they can forget to wipe the white powder from their nose, remove stray toilet paper and yes… even to hide their tampon string before going on stage. Have I mentioned the black lights?
 
"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can" ~ Elsa Maxwell

© Copyright Christine Macdonald. All rights reserved.

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gassy and squirty take the cake! xx A
Good look with the writing I look forward to catching news about your progress.
Nothing screams embarrassing like milky gas.

Thanks so much.
Good post, but actually some of the most embarassing stripper moments really come from babes who don't realize they should be embarassed.

Like the ones with small boobs who act like they are hiding boulders under their costume and leave us wondering "Is that all there is?".

By the way, there is nothing wrong with small boobies. I enjoy all shapes and sizes myself. It's more that some babes don't accept what they have in the right way.
what? you mean strippers are just like the rest of us?
I love your writing.
Great Stuff! I guess ever occupation has hazards, but working with no cloths on has to be tough. You've got no pockets to put your hands in.
Every job has its occupational hazard.
Well, I guess on future job interviews, when you are asked whether or not you can maintain a balance between different tasks and think on your feet, you can definitely answer yes.
neon tampon strings- now that is something I would have never thought of! (as I put my hand over my mouth to hide my teeth)
I love your stories, they are glimpses of a different world. I knew that black lights show all the lint on dark clothes, but apparently they can show a whole lot more! (lol) I'm a hetero female and have been in exactly one strip club. My boyfriend and I stopped in for a drink, and I saw one of the most amazing things I've ever seen: a very toned, tall stripper was doing sit-ups on the pole! She had an incredible set of abs (and the bf thought the rest of her looked pretty good too!). : )
Yes, just a note. I love women in general. Matter of fact I am a male feminist you might say. Even thought I enjoy just above soft core porn and lesbian porn. Because I do not care to see women treated in a harsh way, it bothers me. I said that to say this.

I was a biology major in school and later on became a professional in the field of cytopathology. My actual job entailed screening pap smears. Now here is the catch. I had to and have studied an seen the female anatomy so much that I can turn myself on and off like a light switch. That is I can become jaded. I mean the most beautifull woman in the world can walk up to me and strip and I can view her as if she had kept all her clothes on.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have only been to one strip join in my life. I mean the guys that I saw the one time that I did go were purely losers. And I would imagine that that holds true for any male on all economic levels. But I guess it is just a form of adult male entertainment, but I can't enjoy a woman with a hundred or more other guys looking on, But I guess it is part of being one of the guys. Sorry to put a damper on things guys, but I personally think you are all losers. And those strippers are taking you for the suckers that you are. You fucking losers. LMAO

Who says who is the weaker sex ?

03/25/2010 Burgess Dillard
Thank you for posting this... I never made it past the picture to what you actually wrote... but I enjoyed it anyways... :)

Very funny stuff!
OMG this was hysterical, reminded me of tales my college friends told as they danced for their degrees!
It was an experience, to say the least! Thanks for the comments, all. Truly appreciated. xo
There's no business like show business!
Frankly, I find the level of acceptance and everydayness of pornography to be distressing. I appreciate openness about sexuality but the phoniness, the boring banality and the absence of quality in the public conversation is grotesque and disconnected from the sense of wonder that I experienced awakening at my own pace to my own sexuality as a young woman. How in the hell could anyone learn anything about themselves at a personally determined pace, when sex is portrayed in such a low and remote way?


We now live in a world where sexuality is treated as a cheap commodity and many know more than they ever want to know about things they'd rather not have learned because there is an industry that eats people whole to cheapen the lives of the many all in the interest of a greedy few.

My grandmother had a useful word for this: common.
I've seen everything from tasteful burlesque (Paris) to the worst of the worst (Bourbon Street). It was a long walk down Bourbon Street one night with my husband that opened my eyes about the pathos of stripping, really singularly unattractive women in every respect eeking out a living. People love to be entertained and amused by these tales; I find them simply tragic, masking something else.
I appreciate your good humor about this life. However, I find myself begging for something more from your writing, how this life impacted 'you' - not just what 'happened'.

Again, I in no way disrespect this work of the women in it, I just want to hear the truth 'beyond the surface.'
@Dr.SB - I agree that sex is often shown in a harsher light. Like everything in life, there are different levels.

My grandmother would have said "common" too, however, class is something you have based on character, no matter what you chose to do for a living. Judgment is also masked as projection at times.

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

@Kathy - You are absolutely right. There is always a deeper story. I am working hard on my memoir, which will unmask my own. Thank you so much for your comment!

@Begging - Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I assure you, you won't need to beg for long. There is always a deeper reality with the women who chose to strip. My own story will be unveiled soon. To be brief; it's about self-worth, or lack thereof. It is a story how I got to such a place where I was so desensitized by the 'sex show' but never lost my spirit. I started dancing to validate myself and fight inner self worth demons. I walked away when I realized all I needed to do was see myself clearly.
There are "gentleman" pole-dance Places in West Virginia.
I saw a sigh that one night is wet T- shirt night. I can do that.
I'll take a roll of copper pennies for garden bibs and leg belts.
I was one night in Bangkok and just watched but no did touch.
I researched the culture and the reasons Why. Very interesting.
I can close my eyes to still see a beautiful peasant dancing there.
She danced gracefully with two beeswax candles. I was very awed.
`
I go once a month (NOT to dance or watch tho) to Borders Books magazine rack. I bought Spring Issue `

TRICYLE. I bought it because I saw an article by Wendy Johnson on `Gardening. She interviewed me in the eighties. I'll e-mail her. She isn't a dancer?
She is a writer,
Maybe a acupuncturist?
I hope Wendy Johnson don't drop needles down clients towel that is wrapped around buttocks.
That happened to me once.
She drops a needle in behind.
The needle stuck in my cleavage.
She was shy and could not retrieve.
The needle kept slipping downward.
`
foci?
okay.
REVIEW:`
Bangkok Days:`Sojourn in The Capital Of Pleasure. By Lawrence Osborn. It gets into his thoughts on the "aging white male' and women who make money with sexual exploits. I have only read the Review:`
In bar after bar, he records his own and his friends' relentless search or rather quest
for intimacy in which intimacy played No part, and their fabously articulate perorations, mostly about sex.'
It's gets into the literature ref no condemnation etc', It's a 'touchy' topic. There are sacred temples and holy woman etc'. I learning?
`
I was in Waki o Wacky -o. tease. Whay a beach resort town that is?
But, my son was working on a Taro root crop (staple "potato" root). The most gorgeous Woman ask me`You would like a Father/Son tryst with me?
Well. Son? by!
tease. I ask me?
How much? free!
No. She went on and on about what my greenbacks would buy. My son thought I was gonna but him and me a bowl of mashed potato? We still giggle about what we should have bought. She was too free?She was expensive.
I went home horny.
She may be you. Ay!
erotic? groundwork?
I may email Wendy Johnson and ask to copy a article about Planting Trees,
and Gandhi,
Dr. E.F. Shumacher:`
Small is Beautiful.
He's an economist.
Wendy Johnson web is:`
www.gardeningatthedragonsgate.com

But, there is a good book review? Interesting.
I know some college student dance in W.V..
I know K- Street politico's go to toss money.
Politicians rob poor people and put in bibs.
I hope YOU use Ya money wisely. Thanks.
I hope I don't miss you tell us more.
I love a lassy with the classy chassee.
I am not making light or jesting this.
It's a wild wild world cause/effects.

I hope a sexy post goes somewhere.
I got lost again ref Anger & Homer.
fingerlakeswanderer ref:`Anger.
I don't like to watch ... but now I feel I have been there, and believe me, that is plenty
I think your writing shows that you were, and are, in control of your experiences. And I appreciate reading about some of the mundanities that occur in this line of work. I was a cocktail waitress at a big comedy club just down the street from a strip club. The dancers came into our club every night. Proud, beautiful feminists to a one. Plus, they were making bank.
Criticizing "sex work", although I don't think exotic/erotic dancing really earns that title, should be directed towards those who are victimized in that work, and the men who do the victimizing.
Thanks for sharing your stories;I look forward to reading more. And good luck with your sure to be entertaining memoir!
I did life drawing for a while. One male model, who insisted on an acrobatic pose to demonstrate his prowess in some kind of Brazilian martial arts/dance thing, had a stray bit of toilet paper. I don't remember if it got included in the sketches. Another male model, in late middle age, had a bit of a dribble problem.

On the whole, clothes are a useful invention.
Hubba hubba to the beautiful Christine Macdonald from a fellow Scorp.
Great post - I laughed out loud at the gassy stripper. Shows my pottie humor I guess.
Nothing like the naked truth from someone who's been there.
Neat stories, Christine.

However, I thought the funniest part of this was the ad for teeth whiteners just above the comments section.lol
I'm glad I found you! You're a funny, aware writer.

The neon tampon string is stuck forever in my mind's eye, however....
I've always had a penchant for old school strip joints.

I remember one stripper who was a little older and not much of a dancer. She marched around the stage, like one does in a high school marching band. That was her act. And she did it so proudly and boldly. I mean, it was half march/half dance but wholly unsexy.

But her commitment was amazing. She was kind of stunning, in her own strange way. Certainly marching to the beat of a different drummer.
Not only is squirty real, I work with one who used to snipe at the customers.
wow, EP huh. maybe theres hope for me too. er, on 2nd thought, nahhh. anyway, glad to see you & the editors still have a sense of humor. congrats from an early fan =)
Thank you so much for the comments. Truly appreciated. xo
All of these, "in the flesh" moments of stripper life are just absolute entertainment. Your charming stories of flying stilettos, gassy strippers, tampon strings and nursing moms working the pole, aptly illustrate the hilarious moments— all in a day's work— in the world of erotica. I feel like I am peeking in the window of debauchery at its best. And I can't wait to read more. Bring on the book, please!
I have been witness to many of these moments. black lights especially.
I'm here late.
I noticed something about you that surpasses the judgemental posters(posers?).
Unlike them, you are clearly able to laugh at yourslef.
So am I and. it makes most things a lot easier.