"Honk if you love Jesus" is, if you think about it, a really tepid attempt at drawing unwarranted attention to oneself. What's another electro-bleat in the sea of noise that surrounds the average motorist? Without doubt a person would garner an enhanced degree of consideration by acting on the advice of the following bumper stickers:
"Set a nursery school on fire if you love Jesus!"
"Walk naked down the median of the interstate highway if you love Jesus!"
"Fly an airliner into a skyscraper if you love Allah, uh, I mean, Jesus!"
You see where I'm going with this?
And why limit such requests to Jesus alone? There are certainly many other Biblical characters worthy of an appropriate shout-out. For instance:
• Discard your rear-view mirror if you love Lot.
• Drive aimlessly for 40 years if you love Moses.
• Run over a pedestrian if you love Job.
• Caravan to Florida if you love Methuseleh.
• Drive into the river if you love Noah.
• Get eaten by a fat girl if you love Jonah.
• Get a buzz-cut if you love Delilah.
• Give god the finger if you're an atheist.
Who Wants to Be A Cartoon Character?
This is just an obnoxious reminder that the Far Left Side Narcissist Extravaganza and eBay Auction is staggering into its third day. Bidding has thus far been light but I'm certain many of you are quietly mustering your finances for the final few seconds, whereupon you will snipe yourselves into web-comic Glory. (And if you don't you're fools. FOOLS, I say!)
Need I offer a further reminder that the high-bidder of this fershlugginer auction is awarded the singular gift of being caricatured in a future Far Left Side comic? Plus you'll receive the artwork itself. Plus I'll perform a vaginal ultrasound on you over the phone, even if you don't have a vagina. (Carl Kassel, eat your heart out.)
The auction ends at 9:30 AM CST, on Monday the 21st of May. What can I say other than the faster you get this thing over with the sooner I can quit begging for your pity and get back to Judge Judy.