I wish I were smarter
I wish I was pretty
I wish I was clever
I wish I was stronger
I wish I was cool
I wiah I had a partner

What I am is awkward, dorky, heavy, isolated, weird, the ultimate square peg. I am lonely and empty. Still broken by a man I gave my/… Read full post »

Joseph Campbell spoke about “When you follow your bliss  ... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there would be a door there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else”.  I have told this to so many people over the years, and have/… Read full post »

So here it was Saturday night, I’m sitting here minding my own bee I business trying to focus on the Jets game tomorrow and my phone goes off.  Odd since it’s after 10 and Karen wasn’t feeling well and she was going to bed early.  I looked at who it was/… Read full post »

So here I sit mid attack, its 1:05 and my daughter and dog are by my side.  My little girl sees I’m starting to freak and says take deep breaths mama I’ll protect you.  This makes me smile and get sad all at once.  I don’t want this to be what/… Read full post »

I can’t tell you how many times I have sat down and stared at this blank page.  So many thoughts swirling around in my head, so many things I want to say and yet I can’t seem to put any of it into words.  It’s been months since I’ve come here/… Read full post »

So originally this was gonna be about how much of an actual nerd I am because I actually get giddy when I watch Glee and after tonight’s episode I zoomed onto Amazon.com and downloaded ‘Defying Gravity’. I truly believe that is going to become my new theme song. OMG I’m truly… Read full post »

So it’s 12:38 here on the left coast and once again I can’t sleep. Once again it’s because my head just won’t stop spinning. So here I sit, finally eating dinner a lovely ½ of a peanut butter sandwich. Yum - not. I attempted a new recipe for this potluck we’re… Read full post »

I caved. After all these weeks of being strong I sent him a text. It was a lame needy girl broken heart text. ‘Please talk to me’. As soon as I pushed the screen and sent it I said OMG I’m such an idiot. What was the point? He’s on Facebook… Read full post »

So here's a little tip from me to you.  When you're super depressed and completely alone don't purposely look up songs by Gilbert O'Sullivan.  I have been devoid of human contact just about all weekend with the exception of about 4 hours last night when, despite my better judgement, I agree… Read full post »

So last night I sat and wrote my first entry.  It was thoughtful and somewhat funny.  All and all a pretty good introduction to this process.  Then I blinked and it was gone.  I don't know how or why it just was.  I was pissed.  Well my mood has drastically cha… Read full post »