Sunday will be a big day for us here at Casa de Swell. No, not because our football team’s in the playoffs; they’re not, damn it. It’s because 23 years ago, on January 16, 1988, Mr. Forte and I finally got married after almost 18 years of thinking up reasons why we shouldn’t.
For those of you who are slow at subtraction, that takes us back to the summer of 1970. I was a recent college dropout and Mot was 38, the cradle-robber. If you're making a list, there's Reason #1. I had long blonde hair and wore glasses on my wholesome Midwestern-girl’s face, and he looked like a preppy version of a young, gorgeous Marlon Brando. Smitten we were. What followed our brief fling was the equivalent of a couple caught kissing in an elevator when the doors open to a lobby full of strangers: he straightens his shoulders and steps back; she bites her swollen lips and tugs her blouse down.
Life went on. And on and on. We were married (to others) and added two more kids (one each) to his existing six. I became a court reporter and opened a business and reported depositions; he lawyered and tried cases. We divorced (the others). Each of us raised our own kid(s). We were an item, then not. Off, then on. Our orbits overlapped, and when we got close, the gravitational pull was irresistible. Sometimes we smashed together like colliding comets, hurling shrapnel at nearby innocents. Finally, exhausted and out of retrorockets in the summer of 1987, we moved in together for the first time, bought gold rings, consulted our accountant on the married/single rates and picked a date in the next tax year. “Let’s just get this done,” said my always romantic fiancé. I didn’t blink. “Let’s go on vacation first.”
In those pre-skin-cancer days, though we lived in a beach town crowded with palm trees, we flew 2500 miles to lie under palm trees on the beach in Hawaii. The water is warmer. Really. The condo complex we loved was acres of grass (where our youngest kids, on the next trip, played Frog Hockey after dark with the enormous local toads and our tennis racquets) down to the white sand of sunny Poipu Beach. Legal publications and le Carre paperbacks in hand, we flip-flopped outside, then snoozed and swam and splashed for a week.
The Senate Judiciary Committee was holding hearings on the nomination of Robert Bork to the United States Supreme Court. We watched every minute, every day, September 15 through 18, 1987, total geeks that we are. Mot predicted that Bork’s nomination would pass the Senate, the first of a long list of incorrect pronouncements. I knew better. I still do.
On a rainy Saturday a few months later in Monterey, in front of my parents, our children and a fireplace covered with seashells, we promised to love each other forever.
We are tough people, my Mot and I, fierce competitors and dedicated control freaks. We’re both very smart and inclined to think we’re right all the time. It has taken many lines in the sand and edges of cliffs and years of living like both halves of the pushmi-pullyu for us to learn that forever includes now, is today and tomorrow and in a minute. That we don’t need to measure or compare love, we just need to believe it, to let it be, to accept it for the gift it is. To understand, despite all the near-misses and upheavals and distractions, how astonishingly lucky we are.
So tomorrow we'll be here, all these years later, still promising.
us, then
Way back. [sigh]
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Rob Neukirch
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Comments
`R
That mr. forte is so very guapo!! What a terrific match, then and now.
Rated.
And did you see the babe beside him??:)
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
rated with hugs
In the duo picture, I'm seeing a very, very lucky man.
Felicidades a los fortes, both the Femme fantastique and the bon Mot!
Sounds wonderful to have. Many many more days to come here.
May this love continue for you.
Like Lea said the last paragraph says it all.
Congratulations!
I say`Marriages can be compared to two stubborn mules in a field.
Mules kick, bite the thighs, and often become a bit adversarial too.
Ideally...
If two people don't quit, and if one gets out of step ... Hang in there.
sigh
Sometimes not all marriages are reconcilable. But, it's a tough ideal.
Marriages can be enmity. Get your own bedroom. Built a Guest House.
Sleep in a wood shop?
Barns have nice sacks.
Hay and straw cushion.
Lunch? Marrige can be as`
(analogy tease -fall short)`
Going to a lunch cafeteria`
Ya go via a line and order`
Ya get what Ya though was`
Yummy delicious. sad sigh`
Ya look around to see others`
Ya may see what other folks`
Ordered to eat, and be merry`
Then, Ya say `
I wish I got that!
No order `sugar!
A`Mountain Dew!
Ugh.
a can has 22- spoons!
Twenty-two spoon fool!
apology. Happy Day!
sorry for teasing awe`
Lawyers. not all bad.
Ben F. said there may be one honest Lawyer, one good local brewer, and one great women.
I looking for one woman.
I changed diapers and hauled wood. I been arrested in a Waynesboro, PA commonwealth. I was kind to the magistrates, but still sat in a nasty jail cage cell. No lawyer would help me.
Honest. Your husband try nasty banker solicitors lawyers?
I will but both of you lunch? I gotta get outa here. ASAP!
Happy.
Celebrate.
This is the best anniversary and life story in a long time.
Zumapick, cake and bling!
Yes, this called for the rare slanty bold!!!
“Let’s just get this done,” Laugh, your husband and I share the same romantic sensibilities
Congrats.
Such a simple truth, yet so hard for most people to get. Good on you both for being able to.
You actually consulted your accountant on single/married rates first??
Happy Anniversary!!
Congratulations! and may your love last forever and a day....!!
♡ ❤
.
One of these days I hope to meet Mot.
Meanwhile I'll settle for seeing your gorgeous glow from time to time.
What a beautiful love letter.
Love the.
Love the story.
Love the story of.
Love the story of the.
Love the story of the anniversary!
yep, he does look like Brando, and I so wanted to see your 70s pics
Happy Anniversary!
so, scupper, a doozy it surely is. having just read your piece a couple back, though, can't beat yours. ;
thanks for the congratulations, bea and lea and larry!
joanie, isn't it *so* clear why I was speechless when i first saw him? thanks, pal!
muchas gracias, catch-22! guapo, indeed. he is very, very guapo.
thanks, matt. he's from chicago and occasionally lapses into youze-speak. makes me smile. ;
we did, mime! i love the word 'marvelous,' don't you?
kimmie, funny and crazy, all at the same time. we know how that goes, don't we? thanks, friend!
thanks for the kind words and the compliments and congratulations, caroline marie and linda!
scanner, you might be right. those cheekbones are Newmanesque! thanks, dude.
pilgrim, your comment made me howl! and now gabriel byrne, *another* beautiful man on mot's lookalike list. "the bon Mot" is a classic -- i'm stealing it absolutely. and we are henceforth los fortes!
thanks, iq!
heron, isn't he? i mean, really? and it's a good thing, seeing as the phone is only one thing on a really long list of stuff he can't manage. if he weren't so gorgeous ...
rita, sister, that's what it is, just life. this one's ours, but everybody has one and the attendant story. we just keep plugging along.
thanks, ory and mission and XJS! 'forte more' is too good!
sheila, it's not absolutely anything except maybe absolutely crazy! only right for us, which might be a disaster for someone else. thanks!
and thanks to ladyfarmerjed, too, and janice!
aww, art, thanks for liking him even if he *is* a lawyer. some of 'em are OK, you know. and thanks for the poem and for comparing us to mules -- that's exactly what we are. i *love* "get your own bedroom, build a guest house"! perfect, perfect.
zuma, cake *and* bling?? oh, me. i am shivering with happiness, general!
trig, [awestruck] are those honest-to-god tink tears in -- [gasp] -- slanty bold. stop. stop. i can't ... [sob] ... handle this. ~back of hand pressed to clammy forehead~
chuck, some days it feels like no time at all. other days ... well, maybe i won't spoil it. ;; thanks, old friend!
thanks so much, christine!
pandora, i loved the "all that." thanks!
julie, you make me laugh every time. i read your comment on beth mann's piece last week so your professed lack of romantic sensibilities doesn't surprise me in the least! so, so funny. thanks!
thanks for the congrats, lemon and ll2, so much!
blu, i know. a fashion plate he wasn't. isn't. sheesh.
oh, sally, sister in boomerland, who knows a hunk when she sees one. heh heh. we keep rolling, mr. mot and i, we do. thanks, woman.
oh, scarlett, now that i've opened the door, i'll have to let more of the secrets out, won't i? there are some good stories back there!
thanks, fellow midwest-erner!
jeff, it wasn't easy for us either. took decades. i honestly don't know whether we make it harder than it has to be or we just have to work through it until the obvious truth penetrates our thick skulls.
JT, we actually did. filing a joint return as married people was going to cost us more $$, so we waited until 1987 was over. mot's kind of a penny-pincher. which i more than make up for. ;
sharon, i love i love your comment!
laura, this one did. that's not to say that even several years ago i might have told you i didn't think they ever do. maybe neither of us was willing to be the person who was labelled a quitter? but drama we surely had. whew.
pixie, it is! if nothing else, there's a ton of that. and, well, lust. that, too. love your hearts. ;;
you will someday, denise. he's just a shy mot in his old comfy life these days. but i love that you called this a love letter. it is. it's what i meant it to be. when he read it, he really liked it, the sweetie.
thanks, AKA!
and mhold, what a clever comment style! whoo! thanks.
thank you, thank you, maria. i always love to read what you write in your comments. mmmm
and thanks, too, to sophie and geezerchick! thanks for coming over.
vanessa, you should see those toads. they're the size of dinner plates, huge things. they get squashed all over the roads there - slow hoppers! thanks! but, no, no pic of me. i still can't imagine why he even looked twice.
thanks, snippy! we were kinda cute back in the day, huh? but you're pretty cute *now*!!
lisa, he's still a handsome guy but back then looking at him actually made my eyes water. whew. who am i talking to? it's not like you don't know what that's like!!
thanks, ninjalady! we will. if only he knew how to make me breakfast. hee hee.
i dunno, strangemom. you might be taking this generosity thing too far, i think. ;
dom, i luuurve 'reckless abandon.' it's one of my all-time favorite expressions. have used it over the years to justify all sorts of questionable behavior. thanks!!
thank you, tril. we're gonna keep trying; i know that for sure!
Happy anniversary!
♥
Congrats!2