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had to flee Los Angeles, s.o.s, Disgruntled state of Dystopia as the kids say
May 24
miss fernsy if you're nasty. fernsy mae- if you behave
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JUNE 14, 2010 7:14PM

Word that makes me cry Open call

Rate: 21 Flag

The word suicide makes me cry

It is the only voluntary way to die

When the  instinct to survive

we learn about  in science class

is said to fail,

it never ceases to make me  wail.

When  I learned in poetry class

That Sylvia Plath closed all the windows and put on the gas

I wanted to open the windows

till all her pain would pass.

So, yeah, suicide strikes me as the saddest word

I've ever ever ever heard.



And, as an added  self deliverance bonus I will cut and paste an old "poem" I wrote after Kurt Cobain died. I was young(er) and sappier- be kind. If I'm not too shamed I'll show my sylvia plath poem I wrote long ago. I never was one of those sensitive seeming Plath heads , I wasn't even into her work ,but I somehow am compelled to write things about every suicide I hear about. I even wrote one about her son, who killed himself last year.



 Never mind


Wished you’d screamed from mountaintops

The silent rocks looking below to where the gravel


You hid where there were too many rooms

Too many doors

slammed shut

In the Seattle gloom

And the fog got in with that inevitable rain

Toe on Trigger

Goodbye, Kurt Cobain


The studio was closed

You couldn’t put it into verse chorus


That chorus of shrieks

 went in in in and couldn’t get out


year by year what made you flesh

has gone away,

And Utopia has signed a deal with RCA


Peircing eyes

Blues called grunge

Pow, poof

The flightless plunge

Still Seattle rains

Goodbye Kurt Cobain


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Very sad. Suicide is a tragic thing, and devastates those left behind. There loved ones inevitably ask, "I should have..." Why didn't I ...." "I wish is knew he/she was in such pain" Everybody loses in a suicide.
What's the cliche...a permanent end to temporary problems? But everything is so much more complicated than that. I've known parents and children who've had to wonder the whys...Unspeakably sad...Your work captures the powerlessness...and the tragedy. Thanks for it and for you-always. R
I tried many times and realized it was ridiculous so fought to become me. If people dont like me to hell with them
Sylvia Plath.. say no more..say no more..
rated with hugs
So sad, yet sometimes in the mind of the one suffering, it is the only answer. My nephew, gone about 20 years, thought he had no way out. How tragic for all of us who loved him. Your work touched me. I send warmth and cosiness to you.
Remembering when I first read about Sylvia Plath and then about her death. I remember talking with a friend once and knowing that I could not hang up because she was thinking about suicide. I knew that as long as she was talking with me, well, that she was talking. We talked a long time and she lived. I had a call one day and when I heard the words, I could not take them in. One of our students, a child in such pain at 14 had taken his life on the anniversary of his father's death. It is a word that makes me cry as well.
Dave Rickert: I agree. It's the ultimate failure of the will to fight,and I think that nothing in life is really tragic except suicide.
APersistenmuse: The bullying suicides on TV are just so post tragic. It's too sad for words that kids are that weary of life while some seniors are happily playing shuffleboard.
Lindale: It is kind of ridiculous. You are right. I live for revenge now so I should be around for awhile ;)
RaisaVeronique: What a nice screename. Yes, I don't blame them, of course. So sorry about your nephew. warmth and coziness to you too.
Annalliese: Yes, that was what my Slyvia Plath poem was about - how if just one person was there rather than all the fancy words and fancy thoughts etc.
So glad you were there for your friend and so sorry about your student losing the battle. I wish we could fix the brain bettter.
fernsy, I feel so sad whenever I hear that word. My heart always catches in my throat. No matter what, it is a very, very hard thing to take if you are the loved ones left behind. Sad R
Excellent response to the OC! I loved this Fernsy!
"the saddest word

I've ever ever ever heard."

I agree. (r)
Having solid knowledge of the word -- it doesn't make me cry, or often. Human agency is about choices. Given my understanding that a lack of choices and control over our own bodies is the worst thing that can happen (my beloved grandmother lingered for ten years after a devastating stroke), suicide doesn't seem the worst. Not THE worst. We mourn those we've loved and lost, no matter how they went.
This was lovely, fernsy. Every word of it. Suicide is a word that represents unbearable pain, depression and despair.
My aunt diane committed suicide as MS was taking over her body...I wrote about it here...and it was devastating...
This was very moving. I live in an area with some kind of strange suicide cluster going on. It sucks. R
Terribly wasteful and selfish. I do not like that word, either.
Let me add that I realize the state one must be in to contemplate or attempt suicide likely negates thoughts for is very sad to think some get to this point.
A very sad word; the act is even sadder.
Since I could hold a pencil I drew and formed letters and now I live a life of fonts and graphics and that eye is my guide. Your awareness of suicide may be your gift, but I have yet to figure how it will work. Save yourself, save a friend, comfort a lover, help the helpless?
Thank you for your poetry Fernsy ... I particularly liked the one dedicated to Kurt Cobain.

I lost my brother, David, to suicide and it still haunts me to this day I'm afraid. I have come to live with it and learn from it but it is still so utterly devastating to have lost him that way.
I remember reading the Bell Jar with both sympathy and curiosity....something seemed compelling about her struggle yet so terribly disturbing and wasted. Her brilliance was doused in vapors and left us forever. As low as I get, I am just too damn curious to see how it all will end for me to take myself out before I get there! Rated with huge hugs and kisses!
You're a helluva wordsmith, Ms. Fernsy - oops, Fernsy, dear! A helluva find wordsmith, with a lyrical ear and heart as big as Mt. Helena. Here's a phrase I can't get out of my head: That chorus of shrieks went in in in and couldn’t get out. This sears the brain pan.

In most cases suicide is shockingly selfish. But there are some that are brave and noble. The choice, either way, can be one's signature.
BlueSpeck: That was the word that came to mind. Have you heard of the Lucy Gordon case?
Doug Socks: Thanks. Much appreciated.
dreidel: Just the absence of the last reprieve. sad.
Bellwether: Brilliant comment and I can see you point. My mother has a similar view- she said to me just now, " I think the word, "missing" is a sadder word. I told her I thougth that might be the scariest word- not the saddest. But, I guess I'm not talking about the euthansia suicide as much as the young and full of potential one. Though all are deeply sad.
Cranky C. Thanks, I'm writing up some jolly pig stuff to counter the gloom I've created.
JD. I remember reading it. Very powerful. It's just that the vast majority seem to have the instinct to survive and yet so many healthy and promising people ... don't. It's something that shouldn't happen with modern medicine, in my opinion.
Sheila: I heard that Koreans are killing themselves like crazy. The cluster thing makes you wonder about the cause - how can it be a copycat act?
Smithery: It's selfish, sure, but I doubt the survivors get much releif in laying blame. It a lose lose thing. Big sigh.
Ladyslipper:They did a study and all suicides in the study had very depleted serontonin levels.All. So, it seems that one day if the geeks get out of the computer and work on real brains-- there's a lot of hope.
Dianani: Interesting question: I surely would be very there for someone showing an interest in it. I hope I can shed any light on it . I do hope to do anything to lessen or get rid of the stigma associated with depression etc.
Little Kate: I am so sorry. Devastation- seems the end result. So sorry and hope you find as much peace as possible.
SCJ: Me too on the curiosity. Wonderful description of Plath, and I enjoy the hugs and kisses you sent.
Matt: What a smart and sensitive comment. You are a prince. Squirm, if you will. I agree with all your sentiments, as usual.
"Still Seattle rains
Goodbye Kurt Cobain"

Love this, fernsy.
I don't like the word either. We've been among the horror with some people we knew, some we loved. I still can't grasp the sorrow one must feel to leave those that love them behind. Cowardly....., I don't think so. Lost....yea... ~r with love