Fernsy.
Did you hear about the Manhattan editor who . . .
`
visits V.A. hospitals
and checks belly buttons
for his lint bouncy ball
`
?
`
or
`
the editor @ Salon who steals
baseball caps on 5th Avenue
and wears the cap sideways
`
?
`
?
`
or
`
at the Salon staff meeting
Kerry cracking gross
pedophile jokes he collects
`

`
?
`
behave . . .
You do.
Me too.
`
I'm planing to go back
and do some wood working
and make editor a Pout chair
`

`
editor collects walnut shells
and cracks them with a crab
mallet at Salon's meetings
`
He saves pistachio shells too
`

A deep throated chuckle here fernsy. Pfft. HA!

Art is on a roll
Maybe it's a Kaiser
Maybe it's cinnamon

Maybe it's a distant drum.

I like to jam produce up my ass and sing foreign national anthems. That's not weird, though, is it?

Art: Did not hear about this.Sounds obscene . Hate that sideways cap look!
Trig: Nice surprise to see you on the blog. Thanks for sharing that you chuckled.
Alsoknownas: Cinnamon for sure!
MalcolmXY: Oh no not weird at all. Please make video!

British humorist Alan Coren once published a book titled "Golfing for Cats" that had a swastika on the cover. The explanation--the three biggest-selling categories are books about golf, cats and the Third Reich.

I have a similar habit. Making up names for bands that I will never form.
R

fernsie, you be the devil today.

I saw that freak flag banner. I DID. I came right to it, hoping to discover I have my own freak flag to share but then it went away along with the hope. you see, I have no freakiness to share. I have no strange hobbies.

I do not solve mysteries. I'm too noisy to be much good at that. criminals would hear me coming a mile away.

also I do not do much anal. but I think that is just good sense.

From our delicate flower friend Fernsie: “Without further ado,
I will let my freak flag fly . I hope you do too…”?
Who could ignore such an invitation.
Art was first, for he too is always finding venues for his
Anti-editor emissions; the habits of this editor are ,
per art, alarming to say the least. I trust Art’s word.
On most everything. Except pantheism.

My weird hobby is very mild:
Going to the local library, taking out a bunch of truly seriously scholarly books, bringing them home, then never opening them. Same books , over & over. There they sit in my bookcase.Til they are due back. Then I return em, and the next day take em out again.

Best, jim, eyeing a book in the bookcase………………………………………….

OH THIS IS GREAT FUN! I love what you do here.
.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Peace and ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥Have a Fine Day ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ツ)

This was great stuff Fernsy. I enjoyed your list immensely. rated

May I borrow one of those? Actually, it is hard to choose, but I have my eye on a few. Cool post, fernsy. R

I LOVE "A pressing concern— The death of a Dry Cleaner" Thank you - I laughed for, like, a full minute!

ConChapman: Ha. I am now googling this humorist. Feel dumb that I never heard of him. Thanks anyhow ; >)
LittleWillie: You should share. Good to see you.
FoolishMonkey: I am proud of myself for not entering into any dialogue about anal.The formatting went crazy on the freak flag one so had to delete quick. Too noisy to solve myteries? I like it. Curiosity about the mystery is so strong here it's embarrassing.
James: Pantheism Shmantheism. I knew you'd answer my freak flag call! I have a similar hobby to yours and like you I struggle mightily with late fees.
Algis: Nice to hear. Thank you.

Micalpeace: Excellent. Thank you.
Toth: Yes, you may. Pick it and it is yours.
Alysa: Between me and you: this is not a real hobby. I just came up with that pressing concern one, and then forced myself to come up with others to make a proper post. True story. So you picked the one.

all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl all work and no play makes jill a dull girl ....

(MY SHINING FREAK FLAG :) )

Rage Against the Gerbils: Anger management issues of OSers. (actually this will soon be out of print, as the gerbils seem to be doing OK lately)

Notes from the Poetry Underground: Whatever happened to Dave Rickert?

A Tale of Two Bloggers: What's up with Diarrhea Hopping Mad and the Nielson Polls?

Moby Butt: In search of the perfect non-orgasmic carnal act.

I like to make up conspiracy theories, such as using stories of homicide detectives to hide the real story of being a shill for a comedy team and collecting anal joke punchlines. It's a lucrative line of work lately.

Hung Jury deadlocked! Tried and Errored

I make up fascinating things that people I don't know are up to when I'm out and about. Stare too long at the shelf in the grocery store blocking the aisle and I make you someone about to propose marriage or about to poison your boss. Drive like a bat out of hell and I make you someone on the way to the hospital for the birth of a baby.

I gave up crafts and projects and I'd rather think the best of people rather than that they're self absorbed and oblivious. My hobby is not labor intensive, you can do it anywhere and there's no clean-up. If we hung out we could write book titles based on people at the market.

Lass, love the book titles. Good stuff there.
As to solving homicides with the police I must throw the flag. As a cop (albiet a bad one) I would never let a "civilian" assist in an investigation. As a Supervisor (Chief of Investigations, For the Southern Region) I would have sought to fire any investigator of mine who included a "civilain" in a case. Of course I can only speak for my office in my state. (Mississippi)
Can you imagine the field day a defense attorney would have with this? I can.
Grand post on Hobbies.
Rated.

Fernsy, you are sooo delightfully clever. Missed you.

Libby: Yep, that was what I hoped to convey. God, how I loved that movie. I often wonder why it struck so many chords with so many.
Matt: Terrific. I knew you'd come up with doozies. The back door loving talk is .... uh.... hmm... enlightening... I suppose. LOL on the Dave Rickert one.
Phyliss: So that's it , is it? To compile witticisms or an anal history(as opposed to oral?.) I figure one day the nephews and niecies will be old enough to explain.
Scanner: Good one. Thanks.
Blue: I remember that. You came up with very funny appearances for the villians in my saga. No doubt we'd have fun if we ever hung out. Did you know that I woke up and thought, " I hope Scylla and Doris come to my post." Then, I wondered why you and he hadn't, for a bit. I log on and you both are there!!! True
Scylla: See comment to Blue. Glad to see you cause I was getting to the worried stage. I more than suspected re: citizen homicide solving hobbies( with agreeable detectives!). In my case, the defense attorney would say, " That's fine." and not cross examine the citizen sleuth.or anyone else for that matter. that was my experience with that bunch, unless maybe you can pay them 100k or the case was being watched by the press.
Fay: Thanks. I've missed you too.

I think I should hire you as my headline writer. Great stuff. R

Very clever, Fernsy. My favorite?

"Erotic Omissions-- Fetishes Involving Freudian Slips"

-r

You had me laughing out loud! Here's another: American Dream Deferred: story of a scholar turned legal secretary (that would be me, ha ha!).

Here's another: Waiting for an EP: like waiting for a sighting of the Loch Ness Monster

Fernsy, this was soo creative and funny. Love it. My freakiness is my insane art, no talent, but a ton of passion to create. Some flourish, some fail. Made me smile today!

GeraldAnderson: Would be happy to do so. Thanks.
VictoriaClarkson: That one wrote itself. Thanks for coming by.
ErikaK: Terrific but terrible: Oh no a scholar turned legal secretary is upsetting. Can't wait to hear more! As for EP's I can't even mention them without a little spitting.
CindyProchnow: Some flourish, some fail? Like that a lot. Appreciate your kind comment. and argue with you about your assessment of your talents.

What Not To Do In A Car Crash ( illustrated )

My hobby is collecting Ming Dynasty vases. I haven't got one yet ~ let me know if if you see anything.

fernsy? Hello? Anyone here?
You invited me over... : )
I read this yesterday! So sorry not to comment. Hilarious! You have such a clever way with words...
Okay, where's the hot naked 45 yr. old doing yoga?
I'm not even into women, but I do appreciate a nice body : )

For some reason, The Jerk and the Jurist just cracked me up for entire minutes....

Swap you a vase for an 'if.'

Ever thought of contacting her and becoming Cagney and Lacey>>:)
HUGGGGGGGGGG

I have a book title I've been saving for myself:

I'm Not Depressed, The World Just Sucks

hee! I'd like to read one titled -- Fernsy Types!

One more: "It Is What It Is: Story of a Jersey Italian"

Kim: Ha ha ha. I will PM you the minute I spot a ming vase.
Just Thinking: Between me and you: I was desperate to have you read my blog. I went to your blog thinking maybe I keep missing your posts. I almost even PM'ed you. Thanks for coming by. Ahhh.
Kim again: Don't understand, but that's okay.
Linda: Ha. Trying to figure out who was the pretty blonde. I loved those two. I saw them both in a restaurant years ago. They are friends!, and they were very sweet. I was waiting for the bathroom at this place called Dan Tanas, and they were sitting right by it. I couldn't help myself and said, " Oh my god. It's cagney and lacey. They seemed like sweethearts. The pretty blonde's husband told my sister she needs to " be an actress... with that face." Fun. Turned out he was a huge big shot. Anyway, yes ,we'd be a crack detective team and I'd insist she allow comments to our team blog.
Cranky: See my private comments to Just Thinking. Same sentiment. I was just thinking that a lot lately. It is totally logical to be miserable! In my case, it is utterly sensible to be suicidal. Onwards!
Bell: See my super private comment to JT and Cranky. Same thing. Almost nearly PM'ed you. Don't quite understand your comment. See kim too. But, that's ok, dear.
Erikak: Maybe me and you can start a business with these titles. We'll see tomorrow.

I so apologize. I am normally a space case, but having given up my beloved caffeine tea this week for Lent, I am just loopy, as you can tell maybe by my comments. I also haven't been here so much, but please do! PM when you write!!!!! I love to read your posts. : )
I just went to the store for two things. Bought one and didn't even remember the second until I got home.
ai yi yi. : ) Will we ever have dinner tonight??

Erotic Omissions was my favorite, although I loved them. I hope you will actually write one. R

JT: Not apologies necessary. Just always love your comments. I'm guessing that the dinner went off without a hitch.
Afanofyours: Great. Thanks. A new one that just popped in:

Death before the deadline-- Preventable demises caused by Procrastination.

fernsy, i cannot tell you how much i fear pantheism.
it is the refuge of the elitist intellectual.
our elitist intellectual ought to be
in our local libraries, for
question & answer
seminars, is what
i say about
them.

Everyone slips freudian.
i am looking at the legs of my bedside table
and seeing how their curves
so resemble a lady's.

nice thighs on this table.
it has a big ashtray on it, with cig butts.ha.

I didn't know you were such a prolific mystery writer! Yours sound much better than anything old Agatha Christie or John Grisham ever wrote - they're both waaayyyy too wordy for me. And didn't they make a movie based on your bestseller Erotic Omissions - a porno/environmental/whodunnit? Or am I thinking of Erotic Emissions.

Now you have made public the title of my new book.
Here I thought I could steal it.
rated with love

Ha! This could have been written by Art James:

"Please sir do buy ugg boot no kill me"

Has Art been kidnapped by spammers? If only we had a citizen to investigate.