I filled out a profile as a part of my quest to find everlasting love. I finally made the effort to seek a man(or a manly woman, holla!) to earn couplehood status. Never again would aunt Miriam get to feel so damned superior!
I scoured my soul for just the right way to present my essence. I formulated an ad, that I was sure, said it all about the Me-ness that is I.
I put the same ad on Match. Com, Curiouslove.com, Christian mingle, JDate. Eharmony and other loveseeking sites( whose name I can't now recall. )
It cost me a small fortune.
I waited for an onslaught of simpatico. and even ... sensuality.
Instead, the three lone responses to my ad:
1)You animal killing piece of shit. Die. Die.
2): Hey pretty lady. I can’t afford mink but I’m hairy as all hell. Ha. u should give me a try. ;)
3): I like it that you are not scared of Peta and the rest of the tree huggers. I share your love of wigs and have a closetful. Can’t wait to go wig shopping with you. Beer rocks too. wink.
The ad( as it appeared to that array of singles( or marrieds wishing they were single):
Fur loving woman seeks same. Loves dancing in the moonlight and other tiresome romantic cliches. Seeking employment but a fine conversationalist in the meantime. Loves to dress up and sip fine wine or just likes to wear jeans and go out for beer and wigs.
The problem: I’m a typo queen. I tell myself it’s because I’m too quick but I’m probably just sloppy.
See, I meant to write that I’m fun loving and seeking same and that I can dress up formally but also just wear jeans and go out for wings-- as in chicken wings.
Please tip the waitress. She has a corn on her left foot and a large phone bill.