Alisa Spitzberg's special place in cyberspace

A hodgepodge of a blog-- with more hodge than podge


had to flee Los Angeles, s.o.s, Disgruntled state of Dystopia as the kids say
May 24
miss fernsy if you're nasty. fernsy mae- if you behave
Loooooooooooong story. If compelled to contact, my email is

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Editor’s Pick
JULY 25, 2012 12:53PM

iHowl- With Apologies to Allen Ginsberg

Rate: 22 Flag

I saw the best minds of my generation in chat rooms with the worst minds of my generation destroyed by bad Yelp reviews and a troll on Angies list after failed ebay auction bids dragging themselves through google adwords looking for SEO optimization while stirring to Katy Perry on Itunes.Fishing for Facebook likes while imbibing hash tags.

Message t shirt donning hipsters burning for the extra cash to afford optimized DSL connections and proferring  emoticon responses to stave off acronym induced exhaustion. Sat up chewing nicotine gum in the LCD monitors earthy glow floating over contemplating the claims of  John Travolta’s latest disgruntled masseuses on TMZ. Sober on Setraline who bared their brains to Yahoo after passing the CAPTCHA under a clever seeming screenname and saw Mohammedan menaces inspire the TSA to frisk them at LAX.

Who passed through University of Pheonix, that wasn’t even in Arizona, and with more debt and feeling like suckers hallucinating all inclusive Sandals resorts and (Robert)Blake’s tragic Piers Morgan interview among the scholars of the Huffington post who met deadlines but weren't compensated according to the Drudge report for their crazy puff or partisan pieces who cowered in unshaven rooms in Ed Hardy boxers where their once firm buns dented by ergonomic computer seats
wasting their money on E-machines at Amazon dot com   and listening in Terror through ear pods to Youtube's gone viral while playing with Wii, busted downloading movies returning through Laredo with a laptop full of Limewired Lady Gaga

Careless exoduses from MySpace to Facebook without a qualm then to Twitter where they welcomed limited characters and embraced Christin Milian and the endless sense they deserve more followers who ate tiramisu in boutique hotels or quaffed diet rock star energy drinks in while playing second life, death, or purgatoried their refurbished I-pad’s night after night with dreams, with prescription drugs, with waking nightmares, al-cohol and cyber cock and endless balls, endless texts, endless obsolescence,endless progress to nowwhere, endless transient connections, widgets, and clickable links incomparable websites of shuddering stillness

lightning in the mind leaping towards Venti Cups of 4 dollar Chai Latte Mochas to stay hopped for the mo-
tionless world of Fusion cuisine foodie blogs catered backyard American idol viewing party dawns, Mixologist rendered Mojito drunkenness over boroughs neon
blinking Trojan mal ware pop ups, sun and moon and tree vibrations lost to roaring winter dusk flip camera pics of Branson Misssouri and Pinterest lack of interest and wall rantings and cruel king light of Nick Lacheys newest romance who chained themselves to the newest Apps for the endless
GPS directed rides from Battery to gentrified Bronx to the Mall of America on Adderal until the drone of Beiber Fever brought them down shuddering mouth-wracked and
battered bleak of brain all drained of brilliance
in the drear light of Linday Lohan

 who sank all lunch money in subway sandwiches because of Jarrod's weight loss and branding successes floated out and sat through the craft brewed beer afternoon in desolate franchised sports bars with two for one taco Tuesdays listening to the crack of doom on refurbished Super awesome Nintendos

who logged on continuously seventy hours from  Starbucks wifi hotspot to Coffee bean and tea leaf hot spot to Bellevue wine bar to Java Joes in Jamestown, and put museum pics on Pinterest, lost battalion of platonic non-conversationalists jumping down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills off Empire State out of the moon to make it back in time to see the Bachelor

yacketayakking about issues issues issues and boundaries and breaking ties to toxic people screaming vomiting whispering journaling facts that are all "like literally awesome" and memories and anecdotes and blogs of DSM diagnosis’s, and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars and lost lunatics with ammo enough to make Greta Van Sustern sigh.
whole intellects disgorged in Guitar Hero
 and nights with restasis moistened eyes, smart water fed organic chicken served on 5.99 Artisinal Jalapeno loafs vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a
trail of ambiguous vids of Bravo's famous housewives.

City Hall, suffering Eastern global warming sweats and Tangerian bone-grind-ings TMJ and migraines of shoddy China made products under junk food with-
drawal in Newark's bleak wifi free Airport lounge

whose remote controls wandered around and around at midnight in the onscreen TV listings wondering where to go, and went to see talking heads yammering of broken hearts on CNN.

Who would never ever dare light cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars marketing snowboard brands toward lonesome farms father night, who studied Christina Auguillaras bad attitude on the Voice and bop kabbalah because the cosmos in-stinctively vibrated at their feet to trust Maddona Ciccone,who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking vis-ionary indian casino owners who might give them a break on the buffet who thought they only suffered from other  issues when Baltimore gleamed in supernatural ecstasy during their stay at the everpresent Best Westerns, who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Okla-homa on the impulse of a winter advance I Max Twilight with a Robert Pattison apearance at a screenings who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston seeking jazz or sex or a wireless network soup recipes and followed the brilliant marketing famewhore Spaniard , Jennifer Lopez,  to converse about Maria Carey as her replacement, a hopeless task, and so took ship to Africa, who disappeared into the Telemundo  of Mexico leaving behind nothing but the shadow of 200 hundred dollar New Religion jeans and Baja Fresh Burrito Wrappers  and the lava and ash of poetry scattered in firegrilled pesto pizzas in Chicago, who reappeared on the West Coast investigating if Kim Kardashian's ass was artificially enhanced while wearing  goatees and cargo shorts with big pacifist
eyes sexless in their pasty skin passing out incom-
prehensible pyschobabble...

The original:

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allen would be clapping his hands in joy.
i know this, cuz i have read alot of him.

"Nobody knows whether we were catalysts or invented something, or just the froth riding on a wave of its own. We were all three, I suppose."
you bet. til we reinvent u.
to fit the times,, yknow.
we kinda cannot talk of 'negro streets'' for alot of reasons.
fernsy? You think James M. Emmerling 'ought' to wear baggy sailor-style
He wear socks?
One red. One blue.
for Real great fun?
skinny-dip in pond?
wear `Bib Overalls.
No fly green kite.
No buy for a dime.
Save dime for wine.
tease . . .
Stay sober minded.
Buy One `Pizza piece.
Get One ` Piece free.
No do Belly ` Flops.
Pond Water ` Froth.
Green Goo ` Heehaw.
You'd be fun ` Friend.
Wear Wool ` Underwear.
Swim Modestly ` In Pond.
We Trap Tadpoles to Eat?
Yum Yum ` No eat crayfish.
You have `Pleasant ` Psyche.
You have ` Personality` Fun.
No toss any ` Discuss at `Cop.
. . .
ART! i prefer short pants that once were dungarees.\
til my ruler & my pen
described the exact line of thigh i might let get public.
swim modestly in pond, as art says,
til you are comfortable. i dunno if he sees u as nude or not,
that is not important, cuz once one is comfy with pond
one sheds unimportant garb.
Careful, girl, they still ban outrageously funny stuff in Boston!
i am sure ginsberg would applaud.

i did!!


I loved it the first time, and I love this newer, longer version! Excellent!
Wow! Get thee to an open mic forthwith! Such wisdom and insight, my friend. It would sound good with an upright bass accompanying you, too.
nights with restasis moistened eyes, smart water fed organic chicken served on 5.99 Artisinal Jalapeno loafs vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey

Wow! You have a helluva vocabulary, Fernsy. This is really gutsy to try something this difficult. Terrific.
I'm with Erica on the upright bass, finger snapping, where's my beret and I am looking for a girl named Sunshine. She is on the bus with Kesey and Cassady and we are all going to Oregon for a pancake breakfast. Just because we can.

Stuck in the doctors all day . Mother needed epidural for Lumbar and when it was done she fell and I fell with her. She fractured her foot and again with the firemen taking her to the ER. Miracle as I see it-- didn't break her hip. That's the sad spin that's necessary to cope. Now must go to ER. Came home and seized by insecurity I deleted and then saw editors pick.

Shock and awe. Thank you Jacob Sugarman!

Will comment back when shock and stress overload of horrible day outdoors subsides.
Some of the punctuation seems "iffy".
Cool, subtle...and wise; right on, fernsy. R
I'll say it again: Brilliant. This needs to go viral. ... OMG. Am I a victim of this generation's ADD in shallow pond of social media pop culture, despite baby boomer, midcentury modern inculcation?
one hand clapping, the other snapping. shock and ow! rest and howl some more. we'll be here, waiting to hear about it. hope mum and you get better hell of a writer, girl, and contrat's on the very well deserved EP. you rock fernsy. r
No wonder we are all walking around tired and troll-y. You really captcha'd the now, Fernsy. ~r~
This is great open-mic stuff - loved this post the most
Momma was released and is now wearing the sweetest huge bulky loooong sock.
James: I figured you'd read all of him. Not too sure that any generation possessed such greatness but the music sure was better in the 60 and 70's.
Art: No toss discuss at cop, for sure.
James: Not hip enough to get the pond lingo, dig?
Chickeen Maan: Not getting the boston reference or the boston reference. Not hip today. Thanks anyway.
Andrea H: Cool. Thanks.
Alysa: I tuned it up a little. It's a work in progress still. Thanks buddy.
Erica: Upright bass it is. Thank you.
Janice: Thank you. It was an idea that lived for years and wrote itself . Was very easy but I still know it could be better. Thank you.
Chicago guy: Your comments inspired this extended version. Thank you. Would love to suck down some flapjacks in oregon with the Chi town guy-o(beatspeak?)
alsoknowas: I have no grasp of punctuation(some actual disease I think) but I just tried to follow his.
Toth: Great to see you. Thanks.
DMW: You are a dear. inculcation is a sexy word. We are all a product, I figure. If it went viral I'd die of shock(good shock) but I'll settle for my first editors pick evuh! Thank you for your generous and smart comments.

DeliaY: Did you know that I often think of you? You truly are one of my favoritest of favoritest and I love it so when you just pop in. Thanks for beat speaking with the gang o rapscalians from the OS . Mommas back on her couch . From now on she must use the damned walker. She thinks she's too cool for a walker, can't part with delusions of mobility... ah, life. Thanks dearheart
Jl: Did you know that Bravo used to be a channel that dealt with arts. Now, only with the housewives since the arts don't bring viewers enough. Thanks for you bravo. I know you weren't talking about the channel.
JettN: You have a good beat name. Ha-- Captcha'd. Thank you. Always good to see your funny avatar and your charming and smart comments.
Lammchops: Once I beat back the agorophobia I might do that. Thank you.
I am trying to stay off this place due to my coking and cleaning vacation here with the kids but I smiled from ear to ear when I saw your EP.
I am trying to stay off this place due to my cooking and cleaning vacation here with the kids but I smiled from ear to ear when I saw your EP.
Is your Mom okay!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Wow -- excellent extended version.
Congrats on the EP!

If Further rolls on up to Oregon just because, groove on over to the palapa, pancakes are on the house for poets and hipsters : )
Congratulations on the Editor's Pick, fernsy! You rock, girl!
silly Woman,
Pond Lingo is where u get an editor's pick
just from speaking the Veriest Truth.
which you do always,
but we gotta learn style, gal...
i hate all styles of blogs
and yet i kinda envy em too.

Linda: To take a break from coking to comment is commendable. I bet you are cooking up a storm with all that coking. Hee. Thanks sweet Linda. My first EP and it's nice. Nicer still because I deleted it and exactly as I deleted it it showed up. Weird!
JT: She's okay and jolly as ever while i weep ;>(. She keeps breaking toes!!! she calls them her "fingers" because she's hungarian or something. Grateful that it's just toes all the time. She has this huge white long sock and I want so badly to show her off. Thank you for asking. One toe heals she falls and breaks another. She keeps taking me down with her too cause I don't let her walk alone, but I never even get a bruise which is lucky too. Thanks, pal. Pancakes and poets must be the name of the store we someday create.xo
Erica: I knew you'd be happy for me. You're that kind of gal. xoo
James: Hmmm. will google this pond lingo. You have a style. Please expand on such a thought.
y! ay! au! ai! I?
confessed this yrs ago..ha
"linda yah ja in two seconds..haw how large we owe ya. all.all ya..ay.from the nextest elitititist newyourkey pah rorm ance
performance or
per server ence?ah? ha"

no welll huh lord have mercy. uh now?not? uh
Congrats! wonderful Ferns, this was a really good piece of writing and glad someone realized that.
YAAAAYYYYYY! sometimes we win!
You howler, You! Congratulations!
Indeed. Who killed the porkchops? I'd remembered that line as
who's guarding the porkchops....I saw AG at a reading one summer
and he was in some type of OM OM Ommmmmmmmmmmmmm
meditative phase. Quite wonderful, actually. Though the crowd cried out for more. The reviews of the reading somewhat contrived, apologetic.
Very good work here, fernsy...dynamic and risky!
JP: What a nice surprise. Thank you for brightening my day.