After a non-brief spell of madness, and even depravity, the closed off Open Salon has an awesome editorial staff on board. The massive exodus must end!
And, they won't just give editors picks to the 53 percent. As ya'll know Mitt is a businessman, so they'll be no pretense when it comes to Editor's Picks. If a post fails to get enough clicks, from prestigious demographics, you not only will not get their pick, but your post will be banished to Zoomers. If multiple avatars are used, they're will not be just reportage, followed by insular outrage. There will be a Lottery. If you get my meaning, Shirley Jackson readers.
Jacob Sugarman and Mellissa Noble were either figments of our imaginations, or have been promoted to jobs where feeds are not involved. And, Trig and Safe Bet Amy, don't have the opportunity, to get on their ass.
Mitt and Anne will make sure that,Mishima666, no longer will have to break his pointy head over the logistics of spam servers in Palau. No more bad blood between proactive nemesis's of SPAM --as to who took too much credit as occurred on one of the darkest days of Dust Up history.
The servers are now in La Jolla, and as shiny and spanking new as a freshly varnished Bentley. Membership will open, and the 47 percent will be allowed in. The sleek servers will be there to serve.
Still, wily Spammers will spam. That is what Spammers do. And, when that Spam sneaks into our
banalities heated discourse, Former Footballer, OJ Simpson will take care of it.
He might forever stay in Vegas, but that doesn't mean he can't be a part of the fascinating experiment, in interactive blogging platforms,where all are free to make a headline(or an enemy, or a fool of ourselves, or a post that goes viral, or gets one rate and an insincere comment etc.) AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
The glory days of Beta Open Salon will look like salad days. Salad with limp lettuce. Nostalgia for Beta days will be neutralized by bliss.
Never again will blackened avatars erupt between the four hour feed advocates, and those who don't give much of a shit. Meta will consist only of commentary on how smooth and sweet it all is.
No fur will fly(literal or otherwise, LK Walker) and no flounces will result from rancorous wonderment-- is it for bloggers, writers, photographers, or a smart home or a social media monolith made famous in a mediocre film, or a soapbox filled with suds,or a home for placid democrats, or nutty cops or or or ????
Never again will an error message greet our precious prose.
On site counsel(below in red) will assure suits be brought in the occurrence of misunderstanding-- that grow into animosities, due to insurmountable cyber realities.
Joan H. once wondered where she was. Mitt made it happen.
Yes, the premier protector of the civil rights of sluts -- Gloria Allred Esq.
Life is good. As this lady knows, happiness is a choice. You can lose a child one day, dance the next. IT IS ALL UP TO YOU, WHINERS.
Please, tip the waitress, she has edema.
Joan Rivers, if that's not instantly apparent.
All illustrations by Lauren Spitzberg @
The text is up for grabs.