It's 8:59 AM and I don't want to get moving.  This is pretty typical in the morning as I'm usually so fatigued I can't speak.  So I hit the blog circuit and read about the lives of people who aren't like mine.

 To preface, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year.  I'm 35 years old, single, a graduate student.  I work mainly on contract due to the economy.  I live in the Midwest and it's pretty boring most days.  Some days I don't think I have FM, but on days (or weeks) like today - I think someone is playing a cruel joke on me.

 And I almost bought a cane yesterday.

 A freaking cane.

Honestly, the only thing that made me balk at the purchase is that it wasn't black and I had no idea how to coordinate a brown cane with my wardrobe. Not that I'm 35, not that I shouldn't need a cane, not that it will make me look infinitely silly - because it was brown.

 Today I have a job interview.  I've been going on these quite a bit lately as I'm about 20 seconds away from obtaining my M.A.  I don't think I can walk in the building, limping like I do when the pain is this bad.

 I've been told I look ok, just tired around the eyes.  I feel stupid getting into an elevator to go up one floor because I look so normal.  I paid a girl at the grocery to take out my one bag because I felt teary about picking the stupid thing up.  I fell asleep on the couch after my walk (I do try to exercise) - but it's that slack jawed dead to the work sleep that leaves you in a pool of saliva that dripped from your mouth.  It scares me.

 I think I should have bitten the unfashionable bullet and gotten the stupid brown thing.  But I'm not ready to present myself in public with it just yet, or handle the comments.

 Maybe I should get one of the pimp canes I see on MTV? Or the flaming one like on House?  Or maybe, just maybe my M.D. will cooperate with me and give me some of the new drugs I've been hearing about lately.

But I will go to the interview.  I will, limping and everything.