It was never about flouncing.
I don't have much to complain about. Oh sure; sometimes I write something that I think deserves more attention than it gets, but then again, don't we all?
And it wasn't really about incivility. I dislike incivility, but I usually deal with that by staying away from the blog posts of folks who are likely to be uncivil, or who have come onto my blog and shit in my living room. I'm not talking about folks who disagree with me--I love open debate, friendly discussions, the "I like you but must disagree with you on this."
But call me a name, refer to me as a body part, make some kind of ad feminem attack, and I'm likely to avoid you.
So, what, then was the problem?
Fear.
I had become fearful of being here. Perhaps more importantly, the people I love had become fearful of my being here. And people I love for whom I felt fear if I continued to blog.
Let me explain.
We all know that some nasty accusations have been hurled back and forth. Sometimes, those accusations have degenerated to the level of people threatening to hurt one another, kill one another.
Again, I could ignore that. And then, out of the blue, someone mentioned the town where I live. It was out of context, and perhaps I was being paranoid, but I saw it as a veiled threat.
Suddenly, I regretted that I have been fairly open about who I am, where I live. It wouldn't take much to figure out how to find me.
I spent a week measuring my desire to blog, my desire to both write about the beauty of the world and the outrages perpetrated by humans against one another--I spent a week measuring whether my desire to blog was placing me in danger.
A friend of mine, an editor, has been getting explicit death threats. Hearing her read what people had told her they were going to do to her chilled me.
I thought perhaps I should go underground. I contemplated quitting blogging altogether. I contemplated quitting blogging under my current name and reappearing in an anonymous guise.
Then, Joan went on Bill O'Reilly last week. I read the comments on Salon. They curdled my blood. They were frightening in their anger, their desires to wipe Joan--and people who think like Joan--off the earth.
I thought about domestic terrorism. I thought about how domestic terrorism is going to be something we are contending with for a while. They are not going to go away. The question became for me whether I was going to allow myself to be cowed into silence.
The decision to continue blogging is not brave. It is selfish. It is because I believe myself to be a person who would continue to speak out against the evil she sees around her. But I worry that people I love may be affected by my decision.
The decision to continue blogging, and to post this, is also selfish. I'm not an egomaniac--I don't believe myself to be more important than I am--so it's not as if something I'm going to write is going to change anything. I also do not believe that I will be singled out for persecution.
I'm over my fear. I'm over myself.
I can no more stop writing than I can stop breathing.
I guess you're stuck with me.
But as a sidenote, I do worry about internet safety. I would like to see Joan and Kerry address this. I don't want to see anyone's free speech quashed, but at what point does someone cross the line and start yelling "fire" in a crowded movie theatre? Does threatening to hunt down members of OS count?
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Comments
Stay. Yes! My heart was pumping.
If I told my threat story? buy mints.
But a pack of spear ' mint Life Savers.
Thanks for this post. Care is courage.
No ever QUIT. Wear shirt? Shirt`off!
Yes! If you have a itch you can't reach?
Ask a dear Friend. Friends will scratch.
If you can't find a jelly bean? I'll share.
I'll lend a red, green, blue, assortment.
You can eats a balanced jelly bean diet.
Beyond the horizon? No jello for creep.
'um sleaze. 'um crawl on belly butt fours.
disgraced foes of Truth. scabs, lice, fouls.
For some odd reason, I feel like a beer bath.
champaign? a lawn water sprinkle with Ya'all.
Rated
cymraeg: bloody well right.
mamoore: wisdom? wow. Thanks.
COS: audacious? Now that's a word I love.
Arthur: you are this site's conscience. Thank you.
junk1: I'm humbled.
KOB: I'm glad you stayed. We need you here.
Lea: I'll write on if you write on, okay?
Thank you all.
I read Joan's piece on Salon but I didn't read the comments. I figured there would be some damn upsetting ones in there and I'm not gonna give those asshats the courtesy of reading their virulent crap. If indeed there is justice in the world Bill O'Reilly will suddenly come down with a horrific case of laryngitis that will last for a very long time.
I was very touched! Ay, what a wonderful exhilaration.
Ay, junk1? you are no Kilgore. I write your cell phone #?
I'll record your e- mail, cell number, and address? bath?
I'll use red crayons and write graffiti to the zoo giraffes.
Graafian follicles. You can do physiology research @ OS?
fire fire pants on fire! hose you down! hank pants in wire!
I jest saying:`If Ya pants catch fire, I find a telephone line!
Ay, I know a nice bathhouse. Folk bump. call dear junk1!
No? no clammy hands, bad breath, or the cranky creeps!
So, if Ya receive many love notes it's because Ya mensch!
Glad you didn't go.
I think it's brave to stay, but don't feel committed by that decision. Change your mind if you feel the need. And an intermediate is simply to delete individual posts behind you. It's sad to delete things but sometimes necessary. Do what you need to do.
And, Aaron, it's naive to think that everyone who might do harm can be traced. It only takes reading an idea to get excited. One doesn't have to make an overt threat to carry through on a vendetta. Your statement “We would all know how to backtrack to a perp from OS if anything happened to you” is romantic but plainly just not true. If you want, I can explain that in precise terms elsewhere, no need here. But it's better not to have a romanticized notion about what's possible and what's not forensically when talking about web site views.
But the blogs keep tumbling forth from me and thank Goddess from you too. I am glad you will continue writing. The strong voices , such as yours, must continue. It is our freedom, these voices.
Thank you all for your kind words. And thank you for the continued assurance that there are people here who would cover my back if so needed. It makes me feel good to know how we look out for one another here.
It's sweet that people like my voice, and my strength. It's funny, because that's not how I see myself. I don't see myself as some kind of brave warrior. I'm a mouse, really, but I squeak a lot.
So, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm moved beyond measure by your words of support.
Q
One of my pet peeves, happens to be the way the term censorship gets used. Censorship is a government action. OpenSalon taking something down would not be Censorship. That's a private enterprise deciding they do not want to be associated with someone or something. If you have a load drunk in your bar or restaurant yelling Nigger, Cunt or some other nasty gram at the top of their lungs, it is not censorship to grab them by the elbows and throw them out of the front doors onto the street.
It's called good taste.
Anyway ... I think I smell a blog post germinating on this one ....
Glad you are still here, in spite of rarely, if ever, agreeing with you. :)
I think Arthur James best put it with:
"You can eats a balanced jelly bean diet."
You CAN eats a balanced jelly bean diet. It's tough to do on OS sometimes. It requires interacting then backing off and gathering yourself, your "homeland security" again. Retreating, removing.
I also hope we create enough of a tight circle with the good OS people that we serve as a form of protection.
There was a guy who wrote a story a few weeks ago about a church he was visiting where he saw a father being inappropriate with his daughter. He tells it in such detail that I kept feeling the need to return and flag him.
He - TO ME - wreaked of a perp trying to talk about incest in a sexualized way that seemed "acceptable." (Notice everyone, I said TO ME because I don't want to hear a bunch of rebuttals. I felt what I felt.)
My point is: we have to be the police at times, I suppose. I didn't flag him ultimately but enough people called him on his weird approach to the topic that there was some gratification.
It would be a real shame to lose you, that's for sure.
(SUNG) "Oh won't you stay...just a little bit longer. Please, please, please, say you will. SAY you will!"
And this bears repeating...
But as a sidenote, I do worry about internet safety. I would like to see Joan and Kerry address this. I don't want to see anyone's free speech quashed, but at what point does someone cross the line and start yelling "fire" in a crowded movie theatre? Does threatening to hunt down members of OS count?
Perhaps neither of them can do anything personally given their time constraints, but surely there is room for some kind of an ombudsman? One with a delete key and the ability to block an IP address when called for, i.e., when someone posts comments (or blog posts) that are way beyond the pale. They know when this may have happened, because of the "flag" option.
We could survive without your voice here, Lorraine, but only by having to "make-do." It would not be at all the same. A real spark of humanity would be missing.
It is strange how little and how much we all know of each other. It would never have occured to me that you'd be scared of anything!
Beyond being one of the most popular writers here---you're also really GOOD at it. That means I pay attention to what you write, tend not to comment when the voume of comments gets into the large numbers---but always rate. And am thrilled when you pay attention to something I do. In other words---you're a leader here. So I'm glad you didn't go.
I do have to agree with Kent that there ain't a lot Joan and Kerry can do beyond write, edit, respond and inspire as they run their business.
The real protection, the real battle against fear comes from all of us speaking out. And then listening hard. Learning. Exactly like you are doing here.
Like I said. You're a leader.
I'm sure you know that 99.9% of threats people make on the internet will never go further than words on a screen. but I agree that they don't belong here, and I really thought the TOS forbade that kind of thing, as well as a few levels below threat. If you see specific things on your own blog or others that you feel are a violation, I'd report them to Kerry or Thomas.
I just want everyone here to be safe.
I think what freaked me out was not the threat, it was the mention of where I live.
That's where the "drama" for me came from. (Thanks, Trig for putting it all in perspective. :)
I wonder what would happen if we all blogged under our own names. Being anonymous protects not only those who blog, but also those who threaten.
Your concerns about safety and exposure are very timely reminders, FLW. It's good for us all to keep in mind how vulnerable we are making ourselves here, and elsewhere on the Internet.
The real problem is that there is no way in hell that one can be "forced" to access the internet under their own name. I mean, how do you really know my name is Bill? Because I told you (well, and I do have some people here who actually have met me, who will vouch for me if need be). Beyond that, my name could really be Laurie and I might be a thirteen-year-old.
The real solution would be in the enforced use of digital credentials, which comes with its own set of issues. Technology advances so quickly and like everything else, the potential for misuse is only addressed after the fact.
And you have all done your share to further lay this issue to rest for me, in terms of my personal safety. Just stay safe yourselves, okay?
I really do love this community.
No doubt completely unconnected, it is already known that I have had my own share of concerns about what has been written on OS in the PM box, which is the reason for the "Disclaimer" being placed amongst the links on my blog. For me, it would not be too difficult to locate where I am, I use my own name, refer to where I live, and am well known in the community. Having said that, it is a truth that we should be careful in what is revealed on the net, but that is no reason why "respectable" members of OS should abuse the trust that has been given.
In my own situation, the ones who were abusing my PM box are publicly well respected by others on OS. Therefore, it may be a good deterrent for those types to make it known that their names, along with their comments WILL be revealed. Is that something we all can do as part of the "policing" of OS?
In addition, I would hope that our "leaders" on OS could consider what may be done on an official bases.
I've also got your back. I think we all have to stick together. Fragmentation would mean that we'd have to leave, I think and I'm not willing to do that.
So, I'm thrilled you will stay.
denese
Years ago, when TableTalk was free I posted on there quite a bit, but I did so anonymously and my email address was not public (although I foolishly used my company email when I set up my TableTalk account - i.e. myname@company.com).
Well, someone apparently took issue with political comments I made and contacted the company I work for and said a bunch of off-color, disparaging things about me. The guy here who read the email just alerted me to the fact that I must have hacked someone off online, so nothing came of it on this end.
Since my email wasn't available to other TableTalk posters it was clear that the person either worked for Salon or had access to my account information somehow, which was kind of chilling. I brought this up in an email with Salon, but they pretty much blew me off and it struck me as odd that they didn't seem to care that someone had accessed a user's private information in order to harass them.
But anyway, lesson learned - you're never anonymous and there are a few creeps out there.
Thank you, again, to all who have posted and let me know you have my back. It means a lot to me.
I just went out for a long walk, and when I came back, I found a ton more comments. I'm sorry I'm not responding individually, but please know I'm reading each comment carefully, and you're all warming the cockles of my heart.
Second, re trig's "ohhh the drama" comment: WTF? Unless I am missing some inside joke, it seems inappropriate.
And Ric, thanks for touching the third rail. I haven't mentioned gender in all of this, but yeah, it's a factor.
OS has the power to kick people out when they make specific threats against another person. I can't believe that this place is that weakly managed. Otherwise, it's no better than alt.usenet.
Now get out there and scare the hell out of them.
Glad you're staying.
My login name here is fins2theleft. My "real" name is Rob Anderson, but I don't have that listed even in my profile. In my profile I have "R" listed as the first name and Anderson as the last name.
But if I got to a search engine and type in fins2theleft, what comes up is my Open Salon blog, but the URL looks like this:
open.salon.com/blog/rob_anderson_1
WTF?
I could sort of understand if it included my first initial in the URL, but how did my first name get in there since I don't even have it in my profile?
My guess is that maybe when I first opened my account on Open Salon that I had my actual first name in my profile and that I had the little radio button clicked to display my real name and so Open Salon just created my blog using my real name in the folder structure. And then, when I checked the other radio button to have my login name displayed they continued using my real name in the folder structure.
If so, then that's probably an oversight on their part that needs to be remedied so that when you click on the button to use your login name, your URL also changes.
Additionally, if you change your name in your profile, then it seems that they shouldn't be keeping your old name as part of your blog URL.
I sent a question to the help desk so I'll see what they say.
But it shows that you're never quite as anonymous as you think!