This is an update on my last few posts and also a few new things. Life has been having its ups and downs lately for me, but in the long run it has offered me a great deal when it comes to peace, happiness, and contentment in the heart.

First an update on my son-in-law's liver enzymes, being extremely high. They have ran many tests on him, and found that all the organs are in great shape. The liver enzymes have been dropping. He still has to watch what he drinks, eats, and he still can’t take any kind of medicine. Since they are dropping, and all the tests came back normal on the organs, the doctors think it was some kind of infection that set in his liver, that caused the enzymes to become extremely high. I hope and pray they keep on dropping. Thank you for all your prayers, wishes, and concerns.

I am for the most part doing much better, after my surgery on my appendixes. Still a little pain every once in a while, and I still get wore out fast. I have been taking it slow, resting (some) and but I watch what I do. For the most part I really feel great. The pain in my lower back and hip has actually gone away after the surgery. This pain was causing me to have lots of complications, when I walked, stood and sat for a period of time. The only thing I can think of is that, maybe my intestines were so inflamed for a while now, and maybe that is what was causing me to be in so much pain. I just hope it stays away, and doesn’t come back. I will discuss this with my family doctor more, to see what he says about it. As for my ulcers, my stomach still kills me at time, but I have been watching what I eat for the most part. The ovarian cyst, I will make my doctor keep an eye on that.   

My brothers, and I are still keeping in touch. It is still hard to handle, and hurts some when I think about all that has been done. I have forgiven them for all the hurt that was caused, in the last ten years. Forgiveness can actually move mountains, and it really feels great. I feel as though a huge mountain has crumbled to my feet. I know it will all get easier, and things will fall into place, I also know it won’t happen over night, but it has at least been set in motion.

I have my nieces here visiting me for two weeks. They are 9 and 7 now, and this is the first time I have actually been around them, and seen them since they were babies. To have the opportunity to have them here, laughing, giggling and having a blast has brought peace to my heart. We have been hanging out, jamming on the radio, singing, playing with Lego’s, doing crafts, going for walks out at the lake, watching lots of movies, spending time at the park, and so much more. We have been on the go for the last 4 days, from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed. They said I was the coolest aunt they have, which I know their aunts on their mother’s side and they stand no chance up against me.

No matter how rough life seems, to have the opportunity to put a smile on a child’s face, hear them laughing, seeing them have a blast, is the best escape from reality that there is. It gives a whole new meaning, you learn from them everyday, how to enjoy life like there really is no tomorrow, and there is no stress in life.

Having them here has given me the chance to cook, which I love to cook; I just don’t like to cook for myself. It has also reminded me of how much I really miss the girls being home. The hectic, craziness, of having a home filled with children. It has been 5 years since I have had someone in my place for this long of a period of time. It has been a wonderful feeling, even if I haven’t had much me time for a long time, it feel good to have a full home. It has also given me the chance to think about, and tell stories about my brothers, and myself growing up, the fun, good times we had. Being able to share the memories with my brother’s daughters has helped in the forgiving part of it all.

I have also been spending a lot of time with my girls, and their families. I have seen a lot of my grandsons, and enjoyed every moment of it. Times like those shared with family, are so priceless, something no one can take away from you. I cherish those moments with all my heart.

As for my birthday, I spent it with my two nieces and my oldest grandson. We had dinner at my house, then played with blocks, and watched a movie. My grandson sung happy birthday to me, it was the sweetest thing I have ever heard or seen. Then the three of them decided that I needed a cake, but since I am not really a cake person, that is unless it is carrot cake, or German chocolate, we went to Dairy Queen. We laughed, talked; they got goofy and were very entertaining. After that we came home watched a movie then off to bed it was. My grandson tried so hard to stay awake with the girls, but just couldn’t do it.
It was a great day filled with lots of love and happiest. I would have to say one of the best ones I have had in a long time. My girls had classes that night, so they couldn’t come, but they made sure they called me. Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes.

Several months ago, I posted a list of 27 things I wanted to do before I died, a bucket list. Unfortunately the list isn’t up to look at. There was one thing I had mentioned that I wanted to do on the list. I wanted to find my cousin I haven’t talked to for 20 some years. There was a huge family ordeal, and my aunt, her two kids up and disappeared, no one has talked to them since then. My cousin and I were so close, we lived many miles apart all of our lives, but yet we were almost like twins. We thought the same things, we even bought the same outfits, and shoes, for school, didn’t even know it until we wrote each other.

I have missed her so much in the last several years, and it broke my heart when I couldn’t talk to her anymore. I have tried so hard to find her over the years, sending letters, graduation pictures of my girls, cards, all of which have been left unanswered. I have called information to see if I could find her number, I have tried the Internet search sites, nothing at all came up. Last week I found her brother on facebook, talk about your heart stopping and tears rolling. He accepted my friends invite, and we have been sending emails back and forth. I haven’t asked him yet about his sister, but I will soon. I just don’t want to say the wrong things, or ask the wrong questions and lose contact with him, so I am taking it slow. He is my only link to finding her. I can only hope and pray that I can find her.

My step mom, and I are back to talking again, after a HUGE blow up we had last August. We got into it over my daughters. I have no problem what so ever standing up for myself, or stating what my opinion is, (like you have not witnessed it from some of my posts on here. SMILES). When it comes to my girls, there the line has been totally crossed; I will fight tooth, and nail for them.  Well it was hell the last two months I lived with my dad, and her. After I moved out, we still weren’t talking to each other. I felt sorry for my dad to have to be in the middle of the two women he loves with all his heart, poor guy. I told my girls “Well I hope she gets over it and doesn’t take it too her grave, like my mother did.”

We started talking the night I went into the hospital, my step mom came and sat with me while my oldest had to go to class, she had an exam that night and had to be there. My youngest daughter's husband was at work, and had the car. I kind of think it all played out really good, because it gave the two of us time alone to talk about everything under the sun. We didn’t talk about what happened or why we got into a fight in the first place. We talked like nothing had ever happened, and we had never stopped talking. We forgave each other, without even saying a word.

Everything else going on in my life, I am not stressing over. I know somewhere; it will all work itself out someway. I know there is no since in stressing over it all, because it doesn’t change anything, it makes it worse. I am just enjoying life one day at a time, figuring it all out as I go along. Along the way I am rediscovering, myself, and what makes me happy. Isn’t that all that really matters anyway?

The last 600 days sober, I have learned a lot about myself, other people around me, and about life. Now I am learning how to forgive, and let go, in order to move forward in life, to a much happier place. I have learned that forgiveness can move mountains, and that it feels great to have them crumble at your feet. Yes there are many more climbs to make, but with the right mind set, I know I will make those climbs to the top, with no problems at all. It doesn’t matter what life deals you, what really matters, is how you deal with them, and how you let it effect you.