Things are rough and I know they are rough all over for everyone. It all seems to be getting worse, instead of better. Sounds like life to me, and you just got to suck it up and go on, no matter how rough things get.

"Will not put more on you than what you can handle." I know I don't have that all quoted correctly, but you get the point. Right? Well damn how much does He really think I can handle? Because I have just about had enough with everything and everyone.

Maybe I should make a request and ask if anyone else would like to lay more crap on me? Because I really DO NOT think that I have enough to deal with right now.

The last three days I have been TRYING to get my energy assistants restarted. It pisses me off because on the phone all they said is that all I needed was a shut off notice then my case would be reopened. Well I sent that in. Got a form to fill out on Monday, filled it out and mail it back in. Today I got another form requesting more information. Now why didn't they send this form with the first one so that all the stuff would be done, since I have until the first to pay my electric bill, which is also my heating and cooking?

The form today asked me how I have been paying bills, and living on hardly any money, or none at all. I wanted to write; gee that is why I am asking for your help. I had to list out everything I pay out. Including the 225 in medicine that I have to fork out every month, in order for me to be able to have some kind of life, and not be in pain. It asked if I got money or help from family or friends, I wanted to put down well no dumb ass they are all broke too, just like the rest of the Americans.

It asked how I buy food. Oh Gee? Food? Who can afford food these days? Oatmeal, pancakes and eggs are about the cheapest meals to live on. They are pretty healthy, kind of anyway. Then I had to list how I pay for transportation expenses. OH GEE? I only go to the store maybe once a month, and I use it for job hunting, which is not often since I am broke and can only afford to job search online. That is why I had to file for housing assistants, just so I can afford to buy my medicine and maybe things I need for my house, or gas in my car. They pay almost half the rent, which helps me out a lot.


It is crazy, nuts and totally fucked up. 9 months of being unemployed has really started to drive me crazy. Cabin fever is nothing compared to the feelings I am having right now. I wonder if I walked into a place, with my resume in one hand and a 270 in the other, looked at the owner and tell him, "Read this! I don't care if I am over qualified. I don't care if I am a financial risk. I don't care if I am disabled. Give me the damn job now. Even if it is less pay, just give me the job."  Do you think they would hire me? Okay maybe not a 270 but how about my Louisville slugger?

My youngest daughter has pushed my buttons last night and today. Has me so Pissed off, it really isn't funny. All I asked was for them to bring my grandson to trick or treat my house. Is that too much to ask? Obviously it is because they don't want to drive the extra ten minutes that it would take to drive from the other grandparent's house to mine.

Halloween has always been a fun time of the year for me, with my girls and now with my grandsons. I get the fun of spoiling them rotten and fixing up treat bags with really cool things in it. The funniest part is watching them opening the bags and getting excited, the looks on their faces are so priceless and mean the world to me.

So she doesn't want to drive the extra miles, so we got into a fight and I hung up on her today, and didn't answer the phone when she called me back. I told her that if my grandson can't come trick or treat my house then I will have no problem returning the stuff I bought for him. I also told her that she has no right to be jealous or say anything about me having a better relationship with Bubbie then I do Pooh, because Bubbie's parents make sure I see him.

I know I am being a bitch about it all. But hey it is the only time they have to come to my house. Actually Pooh has only been to my house two times and that was when he was a baby. I usually drive to their house to visit, or baby sit, I have let her use my car to go to the places she needed to go, while I babysat. And here I am living on hardly anything, and can't afford gas to go anywhere. So there I am pissed off and have had enough of her bullshit. Why are they always so rough on the one who stuck around?

Well I could go on and on in this rant about many other things I have to deal with or that has pissed me off, the last couple days. But damn I don't have all day to type it all up.

So it has been a really bad two days, I have had less then an hour sleep. I am tired of it all. So this is just the tip of the Iceberg, there is a lot more that I could add.  I know things could be a whole lot worse, and they could probably get worse too, before it gets better. I know it sounds like life to me and you got to suck it up and move on.

Does anyone have anything else they would like to lay on me, because I really don't think I have enough?

There you have it in a nutshell, the story of my fucked up, screwed up life right now, well part of it anyway.

I have had enough! Going to go hide under the covers and pretend the last two days have not happened. Probably the safest place for me right now.

Thank you for listening.