Chapter Four: Kaye McCree

Nevaya so ungrateful, an anchor pulling me down drowning to the bottom of the Schuykill. Any snakes in that river, she put them there. She ain’t nothing, and she take everything from me. Think she gonna make me feel guilty just cause I wanna fix some food for myself for a change and then have some fun at the club. She got the TV. She can make her own food. She be fine without me for a few hours every now and then. She almost grown anyway. I’m still young. Keeping me away from the clubs just ain’t right. Ain’t gonna pick nobody up, just want to go dancing and feel the music, show the world how good I still look. I’m tired of getting’ picked up. Ain’ trying to do that no more. If I’m in luck, I won’t be picked up again. Unless I need to. Ain’t no sin in needing to. Not too big a one, anyway. And Nevaya got no business stopping me.

I had to take care of my own self growing up, don’t see why she don’t want to no more. Girl too weak and dependent sometime. She need to toughen up again, not show no tears. Back in the day, I had to fight everybody all the time. It didn’t hurt me none. Nobody ever said I let anybody run me over. When that girl got kids of her own, she’ll thank me for beating some sense into her like I did today. I been too soft on her. My mom made me earn my keep on the street. I shoulda done the same with that girl, taught her something about the real world.

And that girl better stay in school. I ain’t trying to hear her around the house during school hours. They supposed to show her how to behave and learn things, so long as I keep watch and make sure those show-offs don’t get fancy and try to get over on me. Somebody always trying to cheat me. I oughta sue that damn school for not teaching Nevaya nothing and not making her act right. What they think I pay my motherfucking taxes for? That school spend the year coughing up a bunch of sweet cake boys and weak ass bitches. I could teach kids better than any school ever thought about doing, but I ain’t got time.

Some dumb teacher bitch call me and say Nevaya need some good books about things that interest her. Then she come out and ask me if I have any books at home. She got a nerve. Providing books is the school’s job, and now they want me to spend money I don’t have so they can do they jobs. That make me feel some kind of way. They lucky I don’t kick they ass.

I fed Nevaya. Gave her a roof over her head. Got in fights for her til she got old enough to fight on her own. She better remember I smiled at her first time she won a fight. Smiled at her through the window as I watched her win. I knew she understood why I had to lock her out so she had to fight or get got. Girl came running and crying down the sidewalk and pounded on the door, but I did the Lord’s work and didn’t let her in. I saved her from being a punk. You think I had it easy watching my baby get jumped? No, I had to sacrifice to make sure she learned to be strong. After it all over, I let her back in and told her how to fight better next time. She listened and learned, just like she should. But ever since Tyreek got popped, she start to act like she too good for the way normal people do things. She gonna get my foot up her ass if she don’t get it together again.

Nobody can say I didn’t encourage her to do right. Taught her how to carry herself correct. How not to have such ugly, nappy hair. Took her to church so she won’t burn in Hell. Saved her from being a big smut. If I don’t keep watch over her, she might still become a big smut, so my eye always on her. That being a good mother. Anybody say different, I kick they ass. Church good for me, too, so I can make sure I don’t lose myself at the clubs. I shouldn’t stop dancing, that ain’t what God want. If He wanted me to stop, he wouldn’t of made me so fine.

Before I had kids, all them men wanted me. Even faggots would switch for me. But ever since that bitch squatted inside me and blew up my belly, the men slowly faded away. Nevaya so selfish, just had to drive my men off. She made niggas think I’m older than I am. I ain’t dead. I want life to fly out to greet me. It can’t be over yet.