Chapter Six: Chardae John

I hate Nevaya - she think she so smart acting like she know everything the way all those nasty Richard Allen bitches do, but she worse, she smarter than most of the teachers, but she thinking she so tough, so high and mighty when I know she be sucking her brothers’ dicks.

How I know? What you asking me that for? Of course I know. Aeyana said so. She never lie to me. She just told me all about how she let Nevaya know we all gonna kick her ass, and Nevaya just ran away. I knew she turn weak if you scratch her just a little.

You damn right I’m a kill that nasty smut for what she did to me. Assaulting me when I didn’t even do nothing. All I did was talk to her, and she go crazy. She can’t even take nobody talking to her. She too sensitive. Somebody gotta do something about her, cause she dangerous. She ruin everyone’s life, but she get away with it. Nobody ever let me get away with shit. Got no choice but to stay home still I get better. But I still be watching.

Nevaya always been a bitch smut cause cause cause – well, she just is. I never started nothing with her. She started everything. I could live a peaceful life if I never had to look at her nasty ass, so she gotta go. Aeyana even said she tried to take my man. I’m a kill her for that. What, her bothers ain’t enough for her?

Nevaya don’t even know how to dress. She never have the right name on her clothes. You ain’t shit unless people know you have the right name on you clothes. She got no respect for herself going out in public with that no-name-brand mess all over her. She even tried to front with some story about how her clothes weren’t a brand at all. Say she don’t give a fuck about no names. She gonna lie on me like that, pretending she don’t want what everybody want just cause she too poor and nasty to have it.

Good thing Aeyana got my back and tell me what goes on. Nevaya real sneaky. I ain’t caught her trying to step to my boo yet, but I will. She a sneaky backstabber, good thing she didn’t fool Aeyana. No way Reyod ever want to touch her. Nasty bitch too poor to cover up her nappy head with something decent. Sure, she try to, but she ain’t fooling nobody.

I trust Aeyana. She never let me down the way all the adults do. Some teachers say they care, but when I test them to see if they really got my back, they always get mad, tell me I’m wrong and give up on me. So then I know. All I have to do is talk a little in class, and I’m not Chardae, I’m a problem. You care about somebody, you stick with them no matter what they do. Fuck my dad. I don’t know him, so fuck him again for that. Fuck my uncle for sneaking his nasty self into my room. Fuck my mom for taking my uncle’s side.

This new teacher trying to make me think he different. Try to convince me he know all about me and I should thank him for it cause he understand and shit. Bitch, it ain’t all about you. Wanting us to think you’re one of the good, special white people who never called us niggers. That is some bullshit, and you know it. Walk alone past a group of big, dark young bols, and tell me that no racist thoughts popped into you head. Yeah, I thought so. Get to know me as a person and not some good deed you doing to get a pat on you back, and then maybe I’ll see. Ain’t holding my breath waiting. Yeah, you didn’t think I could testify like that. Shows what you know.

I need a party tonight with my friends. Well, at least they ain’t enemies. At least I can relax. I love the music and energy, need it to escape the week, get out of myself. Can’t walk around and dance yet. Maybe my friends will come see me, throw a party in my room.

When I get my strength back, me and my boo go throw stuff. Don’t care if I still feel alone. Something gotta give, and it won’t be me. Yeah, I want Nevaya to try to show up that day and think she gonna ruin my night out. She get the shock of her life if she try some shit.

Nevaya think she so much better than me. Well, she not. I matter. Yes, I do. If I let anybody else walk all over me, they gonna think I don’t matter and they can keep on walking all over my face. Well, I ain’t going out like that. Fuck you. That’s right, I said it: fuck all of you! I matter I matter I matter.