On Sunday, May 23^rd, my 22-year-old daughter will walk across a stage and accept her diploma, symbol of 4 years of work and accomplishment.

On that same Sunday, Yeardley Love’s family will accept her posthumous diploma at the University of Virginia. Ms. Love was murdered this week, allegedly by an abusive ex-boyfriend. Both students were standout athletes and Ms. Love was reported to be an intelligent, outgoing young woman with many friends.

I have been struck by some of the facts of this case:

1.       In my experience with my own kids and their friends, I’ve seen that a woman’s participation in athletics can boost her self-confidence and allow her to experience the esprit de corps of a team. These female athletes are often diligent, well-organized students who date, but don’t feel that they must have a boyfriend. On a college campus, I would have thought that female athletes were less likely than other women to be victims of domestic violence, but I’m putting that thought out with the trash.

2.       I was struck by the fact that Ms. Love’s roommate, who sought help for her, initially thought she was the victim of an alcohol overdose. That is terrible since it implies some pattern of past alcohol overuse. This is not an indictment of the victim at all, but a comeuppance for anyone (me) whose college experiences didn’t include that level of partying. Where there is abuse of alcohol, there is trouble of all kinds, but particularly for women. The Happy Drunk is only a blink away from becoming the Angry Drunk and then the Violent Drunk.

3.       Speaking of the Violent Drunk, how did the alleged murderer make it to the age of 22 without being incarcerated? This wasn’t the first time he hurt a woman – you don’t start with murder. Only one prior arrest has made it into the public record (so far), but you know there have been other incidents. People at Virginia were afraid of him although, unfortunately, not afraid enough. This is the kind of guy who would have violated any restraining order or expulsion order from campus.

4.       When the police found Ms. Love’s body, one eye was swollen shut and there was more swelling on her face. Swelling does not occur post-mortem – she was still alive when her murderer left her. He took her computer to cover his tracks and left her to die alone.

5.       Did the accused take steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs that made him more likely to kill? Or did alcohol and an abusive personality do the trick all by themselves?

I’d like to think there’s a way to prevent these incidents, but I’m damned if I know what that is. It’s a tall order to expect a young woman to devise a way to protect herself from a determined, violent pursuer. She should have had help (and may have asked for it), but she was only going to be safe if that man had been locked up.