Conversation with my dogs:

Seriously?  You want to go out?  You do know it's below freezing, right?

It's too hot in here, you hairless infidel.

I'm trying to protect you.  They say bring in your pets and plants.

We have a couch.  We have a utility room.  We have fur.

I just can't do it.  I feel totally irresponsible.  Please don't go out.

SIBERIAN husky.  LABRADOR retriever.  Open the damn door.

Conversation with my trainer:

I think you can do ten more.

I don't think I can.

I think you can.

I don't think so.

I think you can.

Try to envision this conversation - I am lying on my stomach on the floor after 45 minutes of intensive exercise.  I am supposed to be pretending to be Superman, flying through the air.  I am old.  He is young.  He is standing on a balance ball on one leg, balancing easily, laughing down at me. I am plotting his demise.

Conversation with my boss:

I put an appointment on the calendar and it's not there.  Where is it?

I don't know.  I didn't put it on the calendar.

I know, I put it on the calendar and it's not there.  Where is it?

Uhhh....

Conversation with the doctoral student whose dissertation I'm editing:

When do you think you'll be done with it?

I don't know.  When do you think you'll have it to me?

I don't know.  When do you think you'll be done with it?

I don't know.  When do you think you can get it to me?

Conversation with the kid who walked in front of my car and almost died:

Take those damn ear phones off - if you want to commit suicide, do it on your own time.

Conversation with the kid on the bicycle who flew in front of my car and almost died:

Take those damn ear phones off - if you want to commit suicide, do it on your own time.

Conversation with the kid in the car who turned in front of me while she was talking on the phone:

Get off the phone and drive the car - if you want to commit suicide, do it on your own time.

Granted, these last conversations are rather one-sided.  And I'm not giving the entire conversation as accurately as I could if my mother didn't read this blog sometimes...:)