I am so excited about my new hobby! It's interesting, fun and it helps other people--and unlike my previous hobby, finding and selling rusty nails on Ebay, I can actually make a lot of money at this one. Can you guess what it is?

            I'll give you a hint:  it's medicine! Why has nobody thought of making money at that before? I guess they're just not as smart as me.

            Now, I don't mean taking medicine--anyone can take medicine; I mean giving out medicine. Not just any medicine, though: you have to know what's making the person sick and give them the right medicine. (For example, if you have cancer, you get the yucky bitter green stuff.) (And also if you have the flu.) (Actually, that's the only medicine I know, but I'll learn more, I promise.) And giving people medicine can be very exciting, too; if you don't do it right, the people can catch fire. (Sorry, Aunt Winnie.) Sometimes I think I'd like to write a television show about all this medicine (I'll bet no one's ever thought of doing that!), but I think I'm going to be too busy for that...busy doing medicine, and not writing about it.

            Sometimes when you're making people better you get to stick them with needles for medicine. Sticking people with needles also makes them get over being sick, or anyway it hurts so much that they forget how sick they are. Cured! Suck it, disease! I win! Plus I get to stick people with needles, which is a lot of fun just all by itself; if you do it right they scream a lot. Getting better has to hurt. I think I might stick them with needles in the penis. Except for girls.

            Sometimes you have to figure out what's wrong with someone before you can give them medicine. I think that'd be very very hard to do, so I'm just going to guess. That coughing guy? He might have pneumonia, but well, I can't really say pneumonia (New-monia? Puh-newie-monia? Who can tell?), so I think he has the flu. Yucky bitter green stuff for him! And that lady, all bent over and moaning? I think her butt's sore, so I'm going to give her a sore-butt needle. In the butt.

            Medicine is also cutting people open and taking out pieces of them, or sometimes putting new pieces in. Yes, that's all medicine! Now, I hear that it's very painful when you cut someone open to take out bits of them, so you have to give them medicine for that...medicine for the medicine! Is that crazy, or what? I don't really know where to get that kind of medicine, so I think before I cut bits out of people or shove bits into them I'll probably just hit them on the head with a shovel. Plus also, you have to know which bits to cut out, and I figure that could take a month or even more to learn. But I'm really smart, you know; a few months ago I took my car apart and got most of the pieces back together. So maybe it won't take that long. Or maybe it will, because of how my car doesn't go anymore.

            I don't really know how you get people to let you give them medicine for money, but I figure once people hear what an awesome medicine guy I am going to be, they'll be lined up around the block. All I'll need is some yucky bitter green stuff, some needles, some knives, and a shovel.