Now, I totally understand the cheering a few weeks ago at NRO and Fox News when they heard that the Chicago had lost the 2016 Olympics--if Barack Obama supports it, it must be bad (is that guy still President?) and anyway, who wants a… Read full post »

            All right. I have to just admit it and deal with it: I need to get my  house fumigated. It just became too glaringly obvious last night to ignore any more. There I was, sitting in the bathtub, when I noticed something in the wate… Read full post »

            I'm not a dog person. I don't care if you are--go with god, you know? on that and all your perverse likes and dislikes--but I'm not. Actually, I like to think I'm more of a cheetah person. A friend of mine recently went to Africa to h… Read full post »

            I will tell you right now: I never intended to have kids. I am very much not a kid-person. To pre-children-having me, kids seemed like creepy mucus-and-shit-spewing midget retards with speech impediments. And they still do, and did, e… Read full post »

            I may not know a lot--indeed, there are some, probably within the sound of my voice, possibly even you yourself, who would I say that I hardly know anything, and that what little I do know is wrong--but by damn I know my rights. I kno… Read full post »

            Christianity is the largest religion on Earth, which is why it's probably a good idea to go into space. Over 2 billion people are Christians, and that number is increasing daily, largely due to the inclusion in the ranks of Christians… Read full post »

            So, I went to my local town meeting, because I want to be more involved in government and also it was next to the Jewel and I was pretty much out of OJ (the fruit juice, not the guy who killed his wife) (well, I don't think they had h… Read full post »

            Wow, Doctor, thank you so much for seeing me on such short notice. I really appreciate it.

            Well, I think I might be coming down with a touch of the Plague. Yeah, the… Read full post »

            I have to go to the veterinarian today to have my dog put down. I've thought about this for a very long time and I just can't see any way around it. No, thank you for your concern, but he's not sick; he just doesn't match our new drap… Read full post »

            It's time to give up on Barack Obama. The man we elected with so much hope back in November--and how long ago that seems now--has utterly failed. After six months in office, he has failed to turn the United States into the Big Rock C… Read full post »

            I am short. I am not vertically-challenged, otherly-heighted or differently-tall. I am short. Short short short-itty short. If you call me "teensy," "weensy," "itsy" and/or "bitsy," I will hurt you in ways that won’t even manife… Read full post »

            Philosophy seems hard to understand to many people, because those people are dumbasses. In this the first of an ongoing series, which I hope to develop into a PBS special that could net me thousands or even hundreds of dollars, you wi… Read full post »

Dear Fruitbat,

            Sorry, Sarah Palin. Just kidding. You are not a fruitbat. You cannot, for example, echolocate guavas, I'm betting. Although I don't know you, and I could be wrong. Perhaps that's a requirement to become governor of Ala… Read full post »

            Where I grew up, on Miami Beach (and yes, that’s the correct preposition—it’s an island)—actually on South Beach, which was, before it became fashionable after Miami Vice, a largely working-class slum, we didn&… Read full post »

            Man, I hate cleaning my toilet.

            I need a maid.

            Dude, I can't afford a maid. (Why do I call myself… Read full post »

I'm going to do something unusual--nay, unprecedented--for me: I'm going to say something nice about a Republican. Well, pitying, anyway, and not in that oh-I'm-so-sorry-you're-so-vastly-inferior-to-me way, but truly, deeply full of fellow feeling.

        &nb… Read full post »

            This summer, both of the (No-Longer-So-)Little Girls Elliot and I will be living in different cities. As it happens, I will be in New York, where Number One Daughter lives, during Father’s Day, but I’m not going to New Yor… Read full post »

                When Barack Obama last election season visited one of those scary-ass mega-churches, demonstrating a catholicity—you should excuse the expression—that explains why he is President and I am not (plus… Read full post »

                Number Two Daughter, my youngest, is graduating from high school and leaving for a summer in Oregon, then college, in less than a month. I will miss her, when I'm not, you know, dancing naked around the house (… Read full post »

                The world ended early last December. You probably missed it. You were busy; it was the holidays.

                I’ll come back… Read full post »