A Thanksgiving Remembered, For What we Didn't Do
Thanksgiving, November 25th, 1976. I will never forget this Thanksgiving not for what we did but for what we didn’t do.
We had been asked if we were interested in a pair of tickets for a concert, actually it became more than a mere concert.
My wife of that time reminded me this was to be her parent’s year for Thanksgiving dinner. “You know how they are, we will never hear the end of it, I will be miserable as my mother will call every day reminded me what we thought of her , she will remind me of what a poor daughter I am and we will removed from the will. We have to go”. Of course neither of us cared about the God Damned will.
I reminded her how neither of the kids wanted to spend the day with their grandparents. Another holidaday for the kids to be respectful and quit. Make sure you show respect and how much you love for your grandparents. I reminded her that we always had miserable holidays with her folks and usually left just short of the beginning of an argument. Always on the way home we would complain of the snide remarks her mother would make to her when I was out of earshot, how there was little to talk of except who was not putting enough in the collection plate on Sunday in their church. How we needed to be more respectful to them, but without it being returned. We would leave and as always she would feel she was not a good enough daughter. She was right about her mother, she would call for weeks and berate her for not being a good enough daughter and she would again be written out of the will.
I pleaded with her, this would be a special Thanksgiving, one she would remember for all of her life, after all she loved all who were to be a this very special concert. She deserved this. We would be with friends.
Deep down she knew it, but she also knew she did not want to deal with her mother for weeks, months on the telephone when I was not there to deflect the damage being done.
We went to her parents, we left early with me angry, tired of the subtle comments from her mother and even this time from her father regarding their daughter not meeting their expectations, not like her brother who was special. It hurt worse as she loved her brother, he was my best friend, but he was the boy and she was the girl, he was special she was just the daughter.
An argument was avoided again with our leaving. We had a miserable two hour ride home.
The next morning I answered the phone just as dawn was pushing back the night reading for the day to come. It was our friend who asked us to come be with friends for the concert. He had been up all night, he couldn’t contain himself as what he had been a part of was so special, he was as high as one could be on pure life.
For the next 45 minutes he spoke of what he was part of and we had missed. The Orchestra, the ball room dance, Lawrence Ferlinghetti and Michael McClure reading poetry. And then came on The Band. Each of our favorite all time group. More, Ronnie Hawkins, Dr. John, Paul Butterfield, Muddy Waters, Pinetop Perkins and Eric Clapton. With each artist he mentioned he would become even more excited. Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Van Morrison and then, Bob Dylan.
My god listening to him the excitement was contagious. There were more but he was I am sure about to hyperventilate as in his excitement to get it all in he hadn’t given himself time to take a breath. But then, he did. He finished with, “oh well, Neil Diamond was also there, I don’t know why”.
Interesting we never saw our friend again as left to find his way in the world, the last I heard he was in France and that was sometime in the mid 80’s. I later heard Neil Diamond was not the most popular person with the other performers as he came off a bit arrogant to them.
I was to see a part of what we had missed when the “Last Waltz” was released. I later purchased the film. Everyone who knows me has heard of the Thanksgiving I will never forget.
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Comments
And it turns out I can't afford to eat pedestrian food at Churchill Downs, even if I could get a reservation.
What a blessing it has been to not be embroiled in all the family "dynamics."
Good story.
Monte
Oh yes, Denny’s is cheaper, you can get out or there with much of the rest of the day to be thankful of not having to spend too much time with jerks, and ever family seems to have at least one who turns up on the Holidays
Dorinda,
I am glad to read you say you now feel better about taking your daughter to see to see Aerosmith and Motley Crue. I wish I could say the Holidays are something special to me, but for us on both sides of the family Holidays were a chore and looked upon with dread.
Both my daughters who remember the Holidays as I do now love the Holidays with their families and I admit I love being with them as well as with my present wife’s children, for who I am “dad”.
Procopious,
Late in my first marriage we did end up with counseling. It was a shock as all that stuff from my wife’s family came out and more. The more was the part that eventually became a part of the reason we split up after 26 years. It was amiable and I admit we both still have feelings for each other. She is a very beautiful woman inside but with such guilt. The feelings of inadequacy my daughters say she has finally overcome.
I am now married to another beautiful woman and we are much more suited for each other. I feel fortunate to not only have been loved by two woman but their children as well.
Monte,
I have heard over the years what a blessing it is to move cross country to get away from the relatives. We moved from the East Bay area to the Sierra Foothill over thirty years ago. Although we truly did want to move into the Sierra Foothills and purchase some acreage, getting away from the relatives was a part of that move.
Yes it was an astronomical amount of $25. I heard some comments on that is was way to high.
Last year I know of one person who paid $225 for a single ticket to a concert. I told them they could have gone to the Palms in Winters and seen an act for $25 that was every bit as good. The worst seat in the house is 75 feet from the stage.
That is where they went for their next concert and now that house concerts and Festivals are all they now go to.
Sorry, man. That's the kind of omission that could wreck a marriage.
As for TG, I guess I'm the patriarch of such events now and being far from my kids have hosted local feasts for friends and musicians avoiding situations such as you describe. Last year ended up with twice the number planned and had tables in the kitchen, dining room, etc., dogs running through the rooms, and generally delightful mayhem.
Past events when kids were younger were often agonizing combinations of good food, step-children not getting along, some of my kids stoned and blithering, others squabbling, guitars and turkey bones everywhere. But that was California.
Here's to peace and song in Asheville while my 401k goes on a starvation diet (sorry kids)!
My biggest choice regret of this sort was doing a matriculation exam instead of being an extra in a movie.
You never know who will show up at some concerts, particularly if it is someone like Joni. That must have been a while ago as she hasn’t toured for some time.
As I mentioned the marriage eventually did break up, but for other reasons.
Dr.
I didn’t miss Altamont. I was there, and unfortunately I say often. I knew all the back roads around the traffic jam and drove right up to within 100 feet where we parked the car. That was the year my friend Albie, more like the brother I never had, joined us on the hill. We didn’t feel things were going well but we had an interesting time. Albie was soon to leave for the Peace Core. Several years later Albie was murdered, that is a story I need to tell later. It was years of pain as it was senseless murder.
Sometime later my eldest, then in her teens, daughter was interested in going to see the Rolling Stones. I told her she had already seen them, she insisted that she had not. I told yes, you were two years old and it was Altamont.
Hillbilly Aunt,
First I have to admit I love your posts.
Levon Helms has always been one of my favorite performers. It was not lost on me when he won the Grammy last year he was busy putting on his house concert in his barn. He was that red neck Arkansas farm boy that joined those Canadian kids, as that was what they were at the time, to tour with Ronnie Hawkens. The Last Waltz is one of the few albums I could always play on my radio show and it would fit with the Bluegrass, Americana and Folk that I commonly played. It was still contemporary with many of the present Nashville and Austin artist I prefer. Cherish that card.
RickyB,
Well, by that time Jerry was a shadow of his former self as was the Dead.
My daughter, again the eldest and the wildest in her youth (too much like her dad when I was younger), called me up in the mid 80’s at 3am to tell me she had been to her first Dead show, “Dad, I just saw the Dead, now I know why you loved the so much”. I told her to call back later as I was scheduled to go to work on an early shutdown and we would talk. I also told her the last time I saw them was around 1972 when they were at the peak, at least musically.
I had several friends, including an attorney and successful business man who were Dead Heads. They said that was when they were at their best and by the late 80’s it was not the same. Jerry was pretty well burnt by that time.
When I was doing theatre I was asked to come for a casting call for an extra. I was serving as a judge for the local regional theatre alliance for their local awards and it was a fellow judge who asked me to join her, she judged for the musical division, I was judging drama. There was no guarantee and you sat around for hours from what I was told and with no guarantee that you would get picked. She got picked but I decided I wasn’t interested.
If you'd be interested in a story of how my family hosted our Sunni Muslim neighbors/friends for Thanksgiving last year, you can check it out on my blog.
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Paws up (rated).