(Note - This appeared suddently on my computer screen. It would seem to have arrived via the internets - so Steven Colbert would say it must be true - however I can neither confirm nor deny that it was written by a famed Christian Conservative Republican Governor to his South American Mistress......)

My dearest, I so enjoyed our last conversation in which we discussed the foibles of socialist thought and the virtues of free and unfettered markets. Matters of deep philosophical weight are difficult to tackle for most of the unlearned. I am also glad to hear that you found value in my thoughts regarding your marital troubles; relationships are a blessing when you are in communion with your soul-mate; a curse when you are not.  

Darling girl, I must note that your expressed desire to continue your spiritual development has truly warmed my heart and deeply aroused my soul; I daresay I have not felt such stirrings within me in quite some time. I have often held a firm and fervent hope, an unwavering and stiff determination that you would at last feel the quickening; the desire for spiritual union and thusly the salvation of your soul. 

As you read these loving words, you may also begin to notice a tingling within you, an excitement that rouses within your very soul and that sets your spirit aflame with the expectancy of the delirious summit of ecstasy that you will encounter along the pilgrim’s path. Much too long have you and I awaited your spiritual development. 

You know that we are His sheep, and as sheep are wont, we have oft strayed from the true path; now however, free from guilt and shame, you may understand that a firm and vigorous love waits for you - a love that will provide endless and steadfast satisfactions. Such an experience may only be reserved to be revealed to the enlightened; those chosen few who forsake mediocrity and cling to excellence.  

A sweet loving spirit will come upon you - you will feel it softly blowing as it caresses the most intimate parts of your being; inflamed by its ebb and flow you will shudder and glow as lifeblood rushes to your cheeks and forehead. As the blush subsides and your heart beats with mirth, you will enjoy a sublime emotion that will shake up your world and cradle your heart. You will be taken up to the heavens, as the earth and the mundane recedes from your delicate soul. 

As in the famed and glorious day of Pentecost (Acts 2:3), when tongues of fire descended upon the apostles’ heads; a fiery tongue will also descend upon you and caress you softly; awakening in your deepest core an intoxicating vibration that will cause you to shiver and shake with emotion. As did the apostles (Acts 2:4), you may also make guttural sounds and speak in unknown tongues to express your rapturous and joyful disposition. 

Then and only then, will you have made the required preparation due in order to participate in the most intimate of sacraments, for then, leaving behind all fear and doubt; you may finally open yourself completely and wholly. Soaked by your baptismal emotion and free from all coverings and obstacles, you will be prepared to properly receive the descending spirit - a spirit of love, whose firm and steady manner will take you to experience unexpected spiritual delights.    

The deep sparking within your own heart, will by then announce your readiness so that the good shepherd may completely fill you with his joyfulness, until your cup runneth over. The spiritual headiness will send you flying towards the heavens. Slowly and patiently you will then have the opportunity to taste and savor a dense sample of the paradise to come. You will come to know then, that the things that matter are those that are rock solid, long lasting and eternal - not the fly-by-night ordinary wishy-washy matters of commonality.  

As the scripture instructs in the book of Matthew 11:12 - "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.", you will clearly see and understand that you are created in His image and as such you are powerful - you will have the opportunity to take the reins and ride forth with courage and gusto. 

Finally my dearest (Psalms 23), you know that as a sinner and as a little sheep that has strayed from the path, you need to be kept close to your shepherd’s breast. The srcipture states "Thy rod and Thine staff, confort me" Also know that from time to time, it will be necessary for you to feel the firmness of his staff; so that by its skillful use you may be guided back to the paths of joy and correct behavior.

This is why at times you must joyfully endure the pushing and shoving that life throws at you. It is precisely this pushing and shoving that shapes our character and helps us develop the necessary strength and endurance to face life and all of its complexities. It is in surrender and acceptance that you will encounter true bliss and joy. This must be done so that you may at last find yourself virtuous, submitted, exhausted and prostrate gladly accepting the repeated agape, the love and protection that is in store for you. As you persist in the path, you will, with a grateful heart accept the all lessons given.  

I consider myself the most blessed of men, in that I have the enormous privilege to be your teacher and guide along your path of discovery and spiritual awakening.  My intimate knowledge of scripture will provide a solid foundation for your future. What is more when you are able to take sometime off and visit my city, I will gladly take you to a place where you may find the sweet and holy fellowship and deep communion that you so anxiously desire.

Yours.