Random Things that Fall Out of My Head

Frank Michels

Frank Michels
Location
Nashville, Tennessee, USA
Birthday
March 29
Bio
Frank Michels is a songwriter, musician, and producer in Nashville, Tennessee. He likes to dig in the dirt and plant flowers, cook tasty things, walk his dog, and play really fast riffs on a telecaster guitar.

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MAY 6, 2011 8:07AM

Advice From Doctor Lovelorn

Rate: 2 Flag

                              Doctor Lovelorn 

Dear Doctor Lovelorn

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years, and I would like to get married. He says he will ask me to marry him “when the time is right” and that I should just be patient. I know he loves me, why won’t he take the next step?

Signed, Tired of Waiting

 

Dear Tired of Waiting

            You are an idiot, and you have wasted seven years. Your boyfriend is just using you for sex, and he will never marry you. Wake up and smell the coffee.

 

 Dear Doctor Lovelorn

            There is a girl I eat lunch with at work, and I’d like to ask her out. But I work in the mailroom, and she’s very pretty and on a management track. How can I tell her how I really feel?

            Signed, Shy but Hopeful

 

Dear Shy but Hopeful

            In her eyes, you are nothing but a worm. Please don’t embarrass her and yourself by declaring your “true feelings.” Instead, try hanging out at bowling alleys and thrift shops to meet someone more on your level.

 

 Dear Doctor Lovelorn

            My husband and I have been married for two years, but I feel like my mother-in-law still hasn’t accepted me into the family. What can I do to win her over?         Signed, Frustrated in Albany

 

Dear Frustrated in Albany

            Everyone that knows you is painfully aware that you are not good enough for her son. The best thing you could possibly do is divorce your husband so he will be free to find someone better than you.

      

 Dear Doctor Lovelorn

            I’m dating the most wonderful man in the world, and I think he is going to ask me to marry him. But I have a terrible secret. One night I had too much to drink and had a one night stand with his brother. What should I do? Should I tell him the truth?

            Signed, Troubled

 

Dear Troubled

            Don’t bother. I’ve already emailed him the details of your indiscretion.

           

 

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Comments

Type your comment below:
Excellent job, Doctor! You gotta be brutally real with these folks. It does them no good to foster their delusions. I won't be writing for any advice, however.
Frank that's brilliant, I just needed a good laugh......Cheers buddy.
I'm a little worried about you, Frank . . .
;) R