The Cute Kittens, a New York City-based feline punk-rock group, caused quite a commotion during the taping of the David Letterman Show last night when their lead guitarist, Skeezix, coughed up an enormous hair ball on Mr. Letterman after their performance. A spokescat for the group, Rascal, said, “We would like to apologize for this unfortunate incident, both to David and to the custodial staff who had to clean up afterward.”
The Cute Kittens have long been known for their contempt for authority, and have a history of shredded green room furniture, accidents outside the box, and spraying carpets while they are on stage, forcing acts that follow them to inhale musky urine fumes. Skeezix just got out of rehab at the prestigious Good Kitty Treatment Center in Beverly Hills, California last week, where he was hospitalized for jingle ball addiction and excessive licking.
“This is for all the fans!” he shouted, before coughing up a hairball that stunned the audience and caused David Letterman to forget the sardonic closing line he had prepared. The rest of the band tried to recover by smashing their instruments, injuring several people who were seated in the front row of the studio. Scratch, the bass player known for his severe flea infestations, defended the group’s actions. “F*** them if they can’t take a joke!” he proclaimed.
The Kittens, whose record sales hover in the low hundreds, are nevertheless praised by rock critics as the Next Big Thing, and have had extensive in-depth interviews in both Rolling Stone and Alternative Press. They recently received world-wide attention when they were signed to a management contract by Colonel Tom Parker, despite the fact that he has been dead since 1997. Scratch told reporters that they were impressed by the rapacious zeal Colonel Tom had showed during his years with Elvis, and they felt he was a good fit with their predatory instincts.
The Cute Kittens are preparing for a world-wide tour to support their latest album, “If You Were Smaller I’d Eat You,” but the UK has already denied them entry visas, citing convictions for catnip possession by several band members. This latest incident may only create more problems for the group.
But spokescat Rascal is undeterred. “We have a message to bring to the world, and that message is: Nobody rocks like a Cute Kitten.”