Rick Perry's Redneck Guide to Fixin' the Gov'mint
Here in Texas, we believe in self-reliance. That’s why I had my father-in-law do my vasectomy using only a ball peen hammer and a flat-head screwdriver. I’ve never felt better! I believe we need to get rid of Obama-care and go back to the good ‘ol way of doing things, like back when Doc Jones rode his horse over to the Double Q ranch with his little black bag, and sent the women-folk out for clean rags and little Timmie down to the crick for a pail of water. You’d bite down on a bullet to ease the pain, and soon you’d be just fine. That’s what I call health care!
As for Social Security, it’s a Ponzi scheme. I’m gonna do away with that big gov’mint approach, and solve the problems of the poor and elderly folks with one bold stroke: Grandma and Grampa are gonna come live at your house. In Texas, that’s what we call personal responsibility. Just think how nice it will be to come home to Grandma’s home-baked cookies!
I don’t think there are any problems we cain’t fix by having less gov’mint and more guns in upright citizen’s hands, just like the good Lord intended. And once we get gov’mint out of our schools, then our kids can finally learn the truth as it is set out in the Bible, instead of listening to those liberal east-coast “scientists.”
I know a lot of you are wondering what I am gonna do about the lack of jobs. Well, it’s simple. We get rid of all them regulations the liberals are always whining about and sayin’ we need, and let corporations do what they want to, like down in Texas. Sure, there might be some oil spills, food poisoning, and horrible accidents, but God works in mysterious ways.
Speaking of God, I’m pretty sure he created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. That’s why, in my administration, homos will be given a choice: Stop being queer or face Texas justice. I’m pretty sure that will scare the sissy right out of most of ‘em.
As for the immigration problem, the solution is simple. Anyone caught sneakin’ cross the border, we hang them from the nearest tree. I gar-un-tee-you-bob them Mex’s will get the message real quick-like.
So I guess what I’m sayin’ is, elect me President, and I’ll fix every dang thing in this wonderful country of ours, and make it a God-fearing nation once more. Thank you, and I appreciate your vote!
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
MarianneSp
Norwonk
Ted Frier
Sheldon The Wonderhorse
Ashley F. Miller
Jeanette DeMain
Salon.com
Comments
r.
Hey, wait. You live in Tennessee? That's a bit NORTH, isn't it? I think you'd better watch your back, buddy.
welcome to this website----free ship ping accept pay pal----
we provide all kinds of high quality shoes and the other things
if you are interested in it don't hesitate to search our website
hoping you can have a good shop ping experience
--- -- (w w w ) ( cabikini ) ( c o m ) --- ---- --
Dedicated service,the new style,believing you love it
fast shipping^ ^ high quality ^ ^ don't miss this chance ^^
^^^^we sincerely hope your coming^^^as soon as possible
The emergency call was made; and, sure enough, about 20 minutes later the siren of the old fire engine was heard making its way along the section line roads to the ever-increasing size of the brush and grass conflagration, which now represented an imminent threat to not only the school, but also to some nearby houses. When the fire truck appeared on top of the hill, all assembled witnesses breathed a collective sigh of relief as it began its decent to the expanding flame and smoke.
As it approached, one could see about 30 Hispanics hanging on to the sides, back, and top of the truck. Unexpectedly, the truck veered off the road, bounced across the bar ditch, and disappeared into the midst of the inferno.
The witnesses report that initially nothing of either the equipment or the fire fighters could be seen. All did confirm that much excited Spanish was heard over the roar of the flames; and that there was almost an immediate reduction in the intensity of the blaze.
After 10 minutes, the flames and smoke cleared sufficiently to disclose the fire truck parked in the middle of what once had certainly been the start of another huge disaster in the Texas grasslands and a bunch of naked men around it beating the flames with their shirts in one hand and their pants in the other. In another five minutes, the fire was completely extinguished.
Interviewed afterwards, the fire chief in San Luis indicated that his fire department had made up for some funding shortfalls by taking payments from ‘coyotes’ to use the fire station as a safe house for illegal aliens. All of these transient residents at the time had been pressed into service when the call came in believing that this was part of their first application for work in America.
Through a translator, the driver of the fire truck indicated that he and his colleagues had driven as quickly as they could to the fire; and, because of a lack of equipment maintenance, the brakes had failed upon their arrival. The truck has simply run off the road an coasted to a stop in the middle of the conflagration; and, in the absence of any water in the truck’s tank, all aboard had simply done what was necessary to save themselves.
The foregoing is submitted as proof that Governor Perry’s plan for America has the possibility of success.
Why I am not a proud queer Texan
Just a queer living in Texas
Big Difference.
D
FM Thanks for a much needed laugh this morning! Love the pix!