Random Things that Fall Out of My Head

Frank Michels

Frank Michels
Nashville, Tennessee, USA
March 29
Frank Michels is a songwriter, musician, and producer in Nashville, Tennessee. He likes to dig in the dirt and plant flowers, cook tasty things, walk his dog, and play really fast riffs on a telecaster guitar.


Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 11, 2011 7:25AM

Secret Democrat Cabal Targeted Cain

Rate: 14 Flag

                              secret cabal 

Boulder, Colorado—In a former nuclear missile command center deep inside a mountain 40 miles outside of Boulder, a secret Democratic Party strike force is using science and espionage techniques to destabilize the Republican Party and end the political careers of many of the candidates currently running for president. The over two thousand Democratic Party agents laboring here in anonymity have but one goal: flattening the careers of good, upstanding Republicans like a paving machine rolling over a tin can. 

“The Herman Cain sexual harassment allegations? Yeah, that’s one of ours,” says the former CIA operative in charge of the facility, who prefers to be called ‘Mr. Smith.’ “We kidnapped the entire human resources department from the National Restaurant Association, drugged them, and made them believe under hypnosis that Herman Cain had been accused of impropriety, and that the NRA had paid off victims. We’re pretty proud of that one.” 

But after the media coverage started to slacken late last week, Mr. Smith says they were forced to send in a female agent posing as a victim of Cain’s sexual harassment. In just a matter of days, an airtight identity was built for a woman they called “Sharon Bialek,” who came forward in a news conference with another Democratic agent, Gloria Allred, to increase the pressure on Mr. Cain with titillating new details of his alleged harassment.


Bialec news conference   

“We had nothing on Cain,” says Mr. Smith. “The guy is pure as the driven snow. We looked at every detail of his background and no one had anything but good things to say about him. So we had to invent some really bad stuff in order to ruin his life.” 

The Democratic Strike Force, or DSF, has also been hard at work destroying the credibility of other Republican candidates. “Rick Perry? We used a honey trap to blackmail one of his staff members into drugging his food. He’s really a very smart guy, but our drugs make him look like an addled idiot.”


addled idiot   

Mr. Smith says that Mitt Romney has been their biggest challenge. “That guy is so whitebread that we can’t get any sleaze to stick to him. So this is what we’re working on.” In a digital editing suite in the DSF complex, a group of technicians in white lab coats are surrounded by computer monitors, showing what appears to be Mitt Romney strangling adorable puppies. “These guys are good,” says Smith. “No one will be able to tell that this video is totally manufactured by us. But we’re saving it as a kind of nuclear option.” 

“The funny thing is,” he continued, “All those Republicans are always whining about ‘The Democratic Machine’ thwarting their goals and hurting their election chances. But it’s all true.”


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Congrats on your EP Frank! R
Glad to know it has been the Dems all along with the Star Chamber. I had been thinking it was the other way around.
I forgot the part about how the Democratic Party has set up secret training camps for news reporters from NBC, The Washington Post, and NPR, in order to totally control the message from the "liberal media."
It must be a huge task to make such magnificent people look so bad on their own merit.
You realize there are millions of Teapartians who will passing this around in viral emails and posting it as gospel on the Facebook pages. How can we be sure you're not in the employ of Karl Rove?

Actually, you satire isn't too far from reality. If you can find it, read a book called How to Rig an Election. It is truly frightening the games that are played in politics. Ask John McCain about the 2000 SC primary.
Dude...I LOVE your stuff. Please don't ever leave or I'd be forced to accept a dull, colorless world of Republican pablum that would starve even a resilient cockroach....in the name of all that's humane...keep writing! ;D
I believe they'd have better luck if the Romney vid involved strapping lots and lots of adorable puppies to the roof of the family vacation vehicle for a month-long tour of America. He could hit up scenic spots like the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, the Empire State Building, the Golden Gate Bridge, etc., while using the adorable puppies to play a macabre version of Flat Stanley, the pics from which would mysteriously surface on all of Romney's social networking pages....Puppy stomped to death by burrow...Puppy sliding off the whitewater raft into the Colorado rapids...Puppy in a barrel over the Falls...Puppy soaring from the Golden Gate...Will a puppy tossed from the Observation Deck of the Empire State Building kill someone if it lands on their head?

Well-deserved EP. Rated.
Ha! The Democratic machine. As if they could get organized enough to hold a tea party - oops!
Another deserved EP.

Glad to know the Democrats were capable of executing a working strategy.
Maybe they could reveal footage of Romney at a cat-juggling event.
I only wish us Democrats could be this mean, Cheyneyian, and devious! Great post! R
I only wish us Democrats could be this mean, Cheyneyian, and devious! Great post! R
a Christmas gift for my father, which one is better? http://www.newflybuy.com ...
there are a lot of products on sale. Which one is better for 48 years old mom? Handbag,glasses or biniki? Please help.
Finally a logical reason for such illogical behavior. I like it.
We would looooooove it if Cain were the nominee. Looooooove it!