Freaky Troll

Freaky Troll
Bottom of Purse, Washington,
November 11
I like cake, and cake activities. Please tell me about your cake IN DETAIL. ---------------------------------------------------- Member of the Troll Women Activist Team. ---------------------------------------------------- Creator of Prop. Cake ---------------------------------------------------- Puts the "Open" into Open Salon ---------------------------------------------------- Victim of Zerry's jealousing ---------------------------------------------------- I MUST LAND ON SALON'S FRONT PAGE. IT'S MY RIGHT! LOOKIT! _________________________________ FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK: FREAQUI TROLL


SEPTEMBER 24, 2008 7:08PM

God is a close personal friend of mine

Rate: 55 Flag

From reading the posts (well I read the ticker thingie) I can see that maybe what's keeping me off the front page is my lack of connecting myself to God. I can assure you that I am very much connected to God. He's in my Pick Five. Religious leaders also just love, love, love me.


"We just love, love, love Freaky Troll"

In fact I was just hanging out with God last night. He's a hoot. We watched a marathon of "I Want to Work for Diddy" and then we made s'mores. Since he's God, he kept the chocolate and marshmallows from getting in my hair.

Troll God

God, major hoot

(you can tell he's God, he doesn't have a belly button)

He said that he's been reading on OS about people that don't believe in him. He says that's cool. He can handle that. He's God. He doesn't want y'all to get lonely though. He suggests that the ones that don't believe in him might like to arrange regular get togethers, like once a week or so. Oh, and maybe write some songs about how you don't believe in him and sing them all together. Then you can have a pot luck dinner or something.

So, just to cover our bases:  If you believe in God, you should be thrilled to know me (and write about me - use pictures). And if you don't believe in God, you should be thrilled to know me (write about me - use pictures) because I can cover your ass, you know, just in case there might be a huge God ready to smite you.



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Freaky I just tried to give you a rating and it wouldn't take---is there a conspiracy??????

Have you been smitten????

Either way---I believe in YOU!

Theologically yours,
(you can tell he's God, he doesn't have a belly button)

Very funny.
That Zerry is just so possessive. I think he does anything he can from keeping me from appearing anywhere on the front page. So jealous.
God only has 8 fingers and 8 toes! So whose image were WE 10-fingered, 10-toed types made in? Maybe my Bible just has a typo...
Higher evolved creatures only have eight fingers and eight toes. Don't worry, we still love little ol' unevolved you.
the G-d Tr-ll sort of looks like Bill Clinton
I'm so relieved to see that God has no breasts or genitalia, that indeed God is non-gender-specific.
FT, you posted one of the funniest things I've read on OS, but it was on Joan's blog. (It had to do with *blush* foot holes.) I'm going to give you a rating here instead, since she doesn't need the thumbs.
Since we are created in God's image he must surely have a sense of humor.
Oops, sorry. I meant She must surely have a sense of humor.
I think God looks suspiciously like the Pillsbury Doughboy, minus the hat and the flour. But the thing I really want to know is, does he have a cleansing ritual in case you ever accidentally watched an episode of Sunset Tan, or I Love New York? Also, does he have a foothole? In Troll we Trust.
FT, if you and the God-guy really are BFFs, can you get me into the after party when we're all done singing songs at the get-togethers?
Yes. All-Hail the Troll! All-Hail the Troll!
I guess I could believe in a nekkid god.
Can you put in a good word for me, Freaky?

BTW, check your mail. It's important. ;-D

This is exactly how I always envisioned heaven. No one ever believed me when I insisted that my troll dolls were not troll dolls but guardian angels. I had to pretend to agree that they were dolls to be allowed out of the hospital! Now, I have proof. You are a blessing. Can I come hang with you and God? I want to talk t him about Sarah Palin cause she has been very, very bad.

God has a really fat face. Who knew?
God loves you, and we do too.

That's why you're our candied-date.

BTW, I'm planning on having LOTS of pictures of you on your inaugural cake.

Oh, thanx for boosting the Atheist Choir.
Personally, I think god ought to be nekkid. And Freaky, can you get god to get my boss's boss's boss to quit being such a hosebag?
can you ask God to pay my rent? thanks.
And while we're asking, if it's not too much trouble, could He smite the raccoon who keeps pooping on the roof under my son's window? It's gross. Thanks!
Sorry, little troll - but I have just been informed by the all knowing OSers that as a hard atheist I must in fact worship myself. So there is no room in my pantheon for your Major Hoot. Never knew god had spent time in the Army.

So Freaky - has God explained Good Touch, Bad Touch to those religious leaders he's hanging with? They have their hands in some mighty sinful places. P. S. Can I have a pony? (oh, right - that's Santa Claus).
If I could find a cake shaped like a troll, I'd be happy!

Dear Freaky,
I heard about your hair, your foot hole and how you can keep God from smiting. Will you put in a good word and maybe get me a foot hole too (N-a-n-o-m-e-c-h)? I usually hides underground but I decided to register for Salon just so's I could say Hey to Freaky Troll. Now here I am, out of my bolt hole, a-typin away. I love you Freaky Troll and you are right about God and the belly button thing. Bunnies have always known this.
Hey Freaky:
I invite you over to my blog to take the "Belief-o-Meter" test. I really want to know where a hot troll like you fits in my the rest of the humanists, neo-pagans, universalists and others inhabiting the blog pages of OS. Will ya please? L, L
I especially love your Israel outfit, complete with the blue hair. And I hope you guys didn't eat pork with that chocolate.

Frankly, Freaky, who wouldn't love you? You are Denomination Central.
So there I was in the parking lot outside the show, just me, some Freaky Troll blotter, and God... the Troll was ON the blotter, God was IN the blotter... overall a good night, I felt...
For the potluck:

Sign me up for the difficult to please group: vegan, kosher, heart friendly

I'm thrilled to know you. There is a huge God ready to smite, and now I'm armed.
my cake has layers:
almond macaroon
marscapone amaretto cream
pralined almonds

I'll make you one if you'll cover my ass w/god, should the need arise. (Or I could do something with chocolate, if you prefer.)

Many thanks!
Wow! God edges out Not God for most popular OS post of the week.

In other news, Mad Dog is still much more popular than God Dam:

Results 1 - 10 of about 5,910,000 for Mad Dog. (0.28 seconds)
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,730,000 for God Dam. (0.28 seconds)
It's odder than that, even: this post is the seventh highest rated post of all time in Open Salon. I think that Freak Troll ought to set her sights higher than simply getting on the cover. Most popular post ever, perhaps?
See, that's why you're my Pope!
Actually tied with Sandra for highest rated of the week. Lucky that God sorts before Good. Or maybe God doing the sorting. I'm agnostic in these matters.
Huh. I never realized that the line

Thou shalt have no other gods before me

was about lexicographical ordering.

(This is a bad computer science joke that very few people here are likely to get, and even fewer of those will find it funny.)
Well I, for one, think it's funny.
D'oh! I had you in the former category (since you brought it up) but not the latter. :-)
Apparently Freaky hasn't met the Flying Spaghetti Monster ( who created everything, beginning with a mountain, some trees and a midget. If he had, all his doubts would disappear, like belly buttons on big trolls.
Good God--I mean, you know, the entity pictured above--this post has moved up to #4 on the all-time highest-rated list.
That first pic reminds me of the Polyphonic Spree back in their choir robe days...
That first pic reminds me of the Polyphonic Spree back in their choir robe days...
Theologically speaking, this is most worthy of a chocolate bourbon cake (with hints of espresso, of course) with a classic whipped cream icing (the real stuff, only the best here), topped with dark chocolate shavings.

thumbed and put you at 50...
Um...what kind of cake does G-d T---l make? :)
FT, you really got some juice goin' here girl!
Rob, it's all about a pass card to get into heaven easy.
That's all. Everyone's just covering their options.
Dear God,
Can you please help make me not so crabby, and travel more toward the lightly?